Chris Gutteridge's favourite quotes from Samuel Pepys' diary


I have owned a copy of Samuel Pepys' Diary ever since the Latham & Mathews edition was published in the 1970s. It was always exciting when a new volume appeared in print! Since then, I have read it many times. I started again recently when I had nothing else to read, and decided to post some of the entries here that have particularly amused me. I'll continue to pass snippets on from time to time as the whim takes me.

6 January 1659/60

I went home and took my wife and went to my cosen, Thomas Pepys, and found them just sat down to dinner, which was very good; only the venison pasty was palpable beef, which was not handsome.

20th January 1659/60

...and from thence after a great and good dinner Mr. Falconberge would go drink a cup of ale at a place where I had like to have shit in a skimmer that lay over the house of office.

3rd February 1659/60

So to White Hall; where I staid to hear the trumpets and kettle-drums, and then the other drums, which are much cried up, though I think it dull, vulgar musique.

7th February 1659/60

Mr. Moore told me of a picture hung up at the Exchange of a great pair of buttocks shooting of a turd into Lawson's mouth, and over it was wrote "The thanks of the house."

15th August 1660

Here I lay all night in the old chamber which I had now given up to W. Howe, with whom I did intend to lie, but he and I fell to play with one another, so that I made him to go lie with Mr. Sheply. So I lay alone all night.

20th September 1660

This morning one came to me to advise with me where to make me a window into my cellar in lieu of one which Sir W. Batten had stopped up, and going down into my cellar to look I stepped into a great heap of turds by which I found that Mr. Turner's house of office is full and comes into my cellar, which do trouble me, but I shall have it helped.

14 Februaury 1660/61 Valentine's day.

Up earely and to Sir W. Battens. But would not go in till I asked whether they that opened the door was a man or a woman. And Mingo, who was there, answered "a Woman;" which, with his tone, made me laugh.

Batten's black manservant shows his sense of humour (traditionally, the first person of the opposite sex one saw on Valentine's day became one's Valentine).

6th April 1661

...and among other things met with Mr. Townsend, who told of his mistake the other day, to put both his legs through one of his knees of his breeches, and went so all day.

17th April 1661

Then comes Mr. Allen of Chatham, and I took him to the Mitre and there did drink with him, and did get of him the song that pleased me so well there the other day, of Shitten come Shites the beginning of love.

Here's the link to the ballad Pepys is referring to: http://ebba.english.ucsb.edu/ballad/32895/xml

4th July 1661

Here Mr. Batersby the apothecary was, who told me that if my uncle had the emerods (which I think he had) and that now they are stopped, he will lay his life that bleeding behind by leeches will cure him, but I am resolved not to meddle in it.

27 July 1661

To Westminster; where at Mr. Mountagu's chamber I heard a Frenchman play .... upon the Gittar most extreme well; though, at the best, methinks it is but a bawble.

(It'll never catch on!)

23 September 1661

...so rode easily to Welling - where we supped well and had two beds in the room and so lay single; and must remember it that, of all the nights that ever I slept in my life, I never did pass a night with more epicurism of sleep - there being now and then a noise of people stirring that waked me; and then it was a very rainy night; and then I was a little weary, that what between waking and then sleeping again, one after another, I never had so much content in all my life. And so my wife says it was with her.

4 October 1661

I home - where I find my wife vexed at her people for grumbling to eat Suffolk cheese - which I also am vexed at.

17 October 1661

At noon, my wife being gone to my Cosen Snow's with Dr. Tho. Pepys and my brother Tom. to a venison pasty (which proved a pasty of salted pork)...

...he tells me it is a very poor dirty place - I mean the City and Court of Lisbone. That the King is a very rude and simple fellow; and for reviling of somebody a little while ago and calling of him cuckold, was run into the cods with a sword, and had been killed had he not told them that he was their king.

13 November 1661

To bed, and this night begin to lie in the little green Chamber where the maids lie; but we could not a great while get Nell to lie there, because I lie there and my wife; but at last, when she saw she must lie there or sit up, she with much ado came to bed.

22 November 1661

...and then my wife and I to church and there in the pew, with the rest of the company, was Captain Holmes in his gold-laced suit; at which I was troubled, because of the old business which he attempted upon my wife. So with my mind troubled, I sat still; but by and by I took occasion from the rain now holding up (it raining when we came into the church) to put my wife in mind of going to the christening (which she was invited to) of N. Osbornes child. Which she did; and so went out of the pew and my mind was eased.

1 January 1661/62

Waking this morning out of my sleep on a sudden, I did with my elbow hit my wife a great blow over her face and nose, which waked her with pain - at which I was sorry. And to sleep again.

19 January 1661/62
Lords=day.

To church in the morning, where Mr. Mills preached upon Christ's being offered up for our sins. And there, proveing the æquity with what Justice God would lay our sins upon his Son, he did make such a sermon (among other things, pleading from God's universal Soverainty over all his Creatures, the power he has of commanding what he would of his Son, by the same rule as that he might have made us all and the whole world from the beginning to have been in hell, arguing from the power the potter has over his clay), that I could have wished he had let it alone. And speaking again, that God the Father is now so satisfyd by our Security for our debt, that we might say at the last day, as many of us as have interest in Christ's death - Lord, we owe thee nothing - our debt is paid - we are not beholden to thee for anything, for thy debt is paid to thee to the full - which methinks were very bold words.

4 February 1661/62

...at noon to my Lord Crewes - where one Mr. Templer (an ingenious [man] and a person of honour he seems to be) dined; and discoursing of the nature of Serpents, he told us some that in the waste places of Lancashire do grow to a great bigness, and that do feed upon larkes, which they take thus - they observe when the lark is soared to the highest, and do crawle till they come to be just underneath them; and there they place themselfs with their mouths uppermost, and there (as is conceived) they do eject poyson up to the bird; for the bird doth suddenly come down again in its course of a circle, and falls directly into the mouth of the serpent - which is very strange. He is a great traveller; and speaking of the Tarantula, he says that all the harvest long (about which times they are most busy) there are fidlers go up and down the fields everywhere, [in] expectation of being hired by those that are stung.

28 February 1661/62

Home; and to be as good as my word, I bid Will get me a rod, and he and I called the boy up to one of the upper rooms of the Controllers house toward the garden, and there I reckoned all his faults and whipped him soundly; but the rods were so small that I fear they did not much hurt to him, but only to my arme, which I am already, within a Quarter of an houre, not able to stir almost. After supper, to bed.

4 April 1662

I was much troubled today to see a dead man lie floating upon the waters; and had done (they say) these four days and nobody takes him up to bury him, which is very barbarous.

6 April 1662

Thence to the Chappell, and there, though crowded, heard a very honest sermon before the King by a Canon of Christ Church - upon these words: "Having a forme of godlinesse but denying," &c. Among other things, did much insist upon the sin of adultery - which methought might touch the King and the more because he forced it into his sermon, methought besides his text.

18 April 1662

This morning, sending the boy down into the cellar for some beer, I fallowed him with a cane, and did there beat him for his staying of arrands and other faults, and his sister came to me down and begged for him: so I forebore. And afterwards in my wife's chamber did there talk to Jane how much I did love the boy for her sake and how much it doth concern to correct the boy for his faults, or else he would be undone. So at last she was well pleased.

[Waynman Birch was dismissed in July 1663, and in the following November was packed off to Barbados. He was a 'pretty well-looked boy' and had been in Pepys's service since September 1660. His escapades included one small explosion, an attempt at running away and 'strange things...not fit to name'.]

21 May 1662

...walking into White-hall garden; and in the privy Garden saw the finest smocks and linen petticoats of my Lady Castlemaynes, laced with rich lace at the bottomes, that ever I saw; and did me good to look upon them.

22 May 1662

He hath also sent each of us some anchoves, Olives, and Muscatt; but I know not yet what that is, and am ashamed to ask.

25 May 1662

Lord's day. To trimming myself, which I have this week done every morning, with a pumice stone, which I learnt of Mr. Marsh when I was last at Portsmouth; and I find it very easy, speedy and cleanly, and shall continue the practice of it.

14 June 1662

...we all went out to the Tower hill; and there, over against the Scaffold, made on purpose this day, saw Sir Henry Vane brought. A very great press of people. He made a long speech, many times interrupted by the Sheriffe and others there; and they would have taken his paper out of his hand, but he would not let it go. But they caused all the books of those that writ after him to be given the Sheriffe; and the Trumpets were brought under the scaffold, that he might not be heard...

...And so fitted himself for the block, and received the blow. He had a blister or Issue upon his neck, which he desired them not hurt. He changed not his colour or speech to the last, but died justifying himself and the cause he had stood for; and spoke very confidently of his being presently at the right hand of Christ. And in all things appeared the most resolved man that ever died in that manner, and showed more of heate than cowardize, but yet with all humility and gravity.

26 June 1662

...took Commissioner Pett home with me to dinner, where my stomach was turned when my sturgeon came to table, upon which I saw very many little worms creeping, which I suppose was through the staleness of the pickle.

30 June 1662

Up betimes and to my office, where I found Griffens girl making it clean; but God forgive me, what a mind I have to her, but did not meddle with her. She being gone, I fell upon boring holes for me to see from my closet into the great office, without going forth, wherein I please myself much.

3 August 1662

This day, among other stories, he told me how despicable a thing it is to be a hangman is in poleland, although it be a place of credit. And that in his time there was some repairs to be made of the gallowes there, which was very fine of stone; but nobody could be got to mend it till the Burgo-Maister or Mayor of the towne, with all the companies of those trades which were necessary to be used about those repairs, did go in their habits, with flags, in solemn procession to the place, and there the Burgo-Maister did give the first blow with the hammer upon the wooden work, and the rest of the Maisters of the Companies upon the works belonging to their trades, that so, workmen might not be ashamed to be employed upon doing of the gallows-works.

[The hangman often had difficulty in finding a wife: in Cracow females under sentence of death were spared if they would marry an executioner.]

5 September 1662

And among other pretty discourse, some was of Sir Jerom Bowes, Embassador from Queene Elizabeth to the Emperor of Russia - who, because some of the noblemen there would go up the stairs to the Emperor before him, he would not go up till the Emperor had ordered those two men to be dragged downstair, with their heads knocking upon every stair till they were killed. And when he was come up, they demanded his sword of him before he entered the room. He told them, if they would have his sword, they should have his boots too; and so caused his boots to be pulled off and his night-gown and night-cap and slippers to be sent for, and made the Emperor stay till he could go in his night-dress, since he might not go as a soldier. And lastly, when the Emperor in contempt, to show his command over his subjects, did command one to leap from the window down and broke his neck in the sight of our Embassador, he replied that his mistress did set more by, and did make better use of the necks of her subjects: but said that, to show what her subjects would do for her, he would, and did, fling down his gantlett before the Emperor and challenged all the nobility there to take it up in defence of the Emperor against his Queene. For which, at this very day, the name of Sir Jer. Bowes is famous and honoured there.

[The Russian Emperor was Ivan the Terrible. He once rewarded the French envoy’s boldness in remaining covered (i.e. keeping his hat on) in the royal presence by nailing his hat to his head. Bowes, at his next interview, defiantly wore his hat and in answer to the Tsar’s threats, announced that he represented ‘not a cowardly king of France … but the invincible Queen of England, who does not vail her Bonnet nor bare her Head to any Prince living’.]

25 September 1662

This evening I sat awhile at Sir W. Batten's with Sir J. Mennes, &c., where he told us, among many other things, how in portugall they scorn to make a seat for a house of office. But they do shit all in pots and so empty them in the river.
I did also hear how the woman formerly nurse to Mrs. Lemon (Sir W. Batten's daughter) her child was torn to pieces by two dogs at Walthamstow this week, and is dead - which is very strange.

29 September 1662

...and then to the King's Theatre, where we saw Midsummers nights dreame, which I had never seen before, nor shall ever again, for it is the most insipid ridiculous play that ever I saw in my life. I saw, I confess, some good dancing and some handsome women, which was all my pleasure.

27 October 1662

Thence to White-hall, and walked long in the galleries till (as they are commanded to all strange persons) one came to tell us, we not being known and being observed to walk there four or five houres (which was not true, unless they count my walking there in the morning), he was commanded to ask who we were; which being told, he excused his Question, and was satisfied. These things speak great fear and jealousys.

30 October 1662

...to the Question how it comes to pass that there are no boars seen in London, but many Sowes and pigs, it was answered that the Constable gets them a-nights.

27 November 1662

...I saw them pretty well go by. I could not see the Embassador in his coach - but his attendants in their habitts and fur-caps very handsome comely men, and most of them with Hawkes upon their fists to present to the King. But Lord, to see the absurd nature of Englishmen, that cannot forbear laughing and jeering at every thing that looks strange.

[The entry of the Russian Ambassador].

30 December 1662

With the officers I had good discourse, particularly of the people at the Cape of Good Hope - of whom they of their own knowledge do tell me these one or two things: viz., that when they come to age, the men do cut off one of the stones of each other, which they hold doth help them to get children the better and to grow fat. That they never sleep lying, but always sitting upon the ground. That their speech is not so articulate as ours, but yet understand one another well. That they paint themselves all over with the grease the Dutch sell them (who have a fort there) and Sutt.

6 January 1662/63 twelfth night

And after dinner to the Dukes house and there saw Twelfth night acted well, though it be but a silly play, and not related at all to the name or day.

Only, myself somewhat vexed at my wife's neglect in leaving of her scarfe, waistcoat, and night-dressings in the coach today that brought us from Westminster, though I confess, she did give them to me to look after - yet it was her fault not to see that I did take them out of the coach. I believe it might be as good as 25s. loss or thereabouts.

9 January 1662/63

At last we were pretty good friends and my wife begun to speak again of the necessity of her keeping somebody to bear her company; for her familiarity with her other servants is it that spoils them all, and other company she hath none (which is too true); and called for Jane to reach her out of her trunk, giving her the keys to that purpose, a bundle of papers; and pulls out a paper, a copy of what, a pretty while since, she had wrote in a discontent to me, which I would not read but burned. She now read it, and it was so picquant, and wrote in English, and most of it true, of the retirednesse of her life and how unpleasant it was, that being wrote in English and so in danger of being met with and read by others, I was vexed at it and desired her and then commanded her to tear it - which she desired to be excused it; I forced it from her and tore it, and withal took her other bundle of papers from her and leapt out of the bed and in my shirt clapped them into the pocket of my breeches, that she might not get them from me; and having got on my stockings and breeches and gown, I pulled them out one by one and tore them all before her face, though it went against my heart to do it, she crying and desiring me not to do it. But such was my passion and trouble to see the letters of my love to her, and my Will, wherein I had given her all I have in the world when I went to sea with my Lord Sandwich, to be joyned with a paper of so much disgrace to me and dishonour if it should have been found by any body. Having torn them all, saving a bond of my uncle Robts. which she hath long had in her hands, and our Marriage=licence and the first letter that ever I sent her when I was her servant, I took up the pieces and carried them into my chamber, and there, after many disputes with myself whether I should burn them or no, and having picked up the pieces of the paper she read today and of my Will which I tore, I burnt all the rest. And so went out to my office - troubled in mind.

12 January 1662/63

After dinner to the Change to buy some linen for my wife; and going back, met our two boys; mine had struck down Creedes boy in the dirt, with his new suit on in the dirt, all over dirty, and the boy taken by a gentlewoman into a house to make clean, but the poor boy was in a pitiful taking and pickle; but I basted my rogue soundly.

8 February 1662/63

Whether the wind and the cold did cause it or no, I know not; but having been this day or two mightily troubled with an iching all over my body, which I took to be a louse or two that might bite me - I find this afternoon that all my body is inflamed, and my face in a sad redness and swelling and pimpled; so that I was, before we had done walking, not only sick but ashamed of myself to see myself so changed in my countenance; so that after we had thus talked, we parted and I walked home with much ado ... the ways being so full of ice and water by peoples' trampling. At last got home and to bed presently and had a very bad night of it, in great pain in my stomach and great fever.

9 February 1662/63

Could not rise and go to the Duke, as I should have done with the rest, but keep my bed; and by the apothecary's advice, Mr. Battersby, I am to sweat soundly, and that will carry all this matter away; which nature would of itself eject, but this will assist nature - it being some disorder given the blood; but by what I know not, unless it be by my late great Quantitys of Dantzicke=girkins that I have eaten.
In the evening came Sir J. Mennes and Sir W. Batten to see me. And Sir J. Mennes advises me to the same thing; but would not have me take anything from the apothecary, but from him, his Venice Treakle being better than the others; which I did consent to and did anon take and fell into a great sweat; and about 10 or 11 a-clock came out of it, and shifted myself and slept pretty well alone (my wife lying in the red chamber above);
<<10>> and in the morning most of my disease, that is, itching and pimples, were gone. In the morning visited by Mr. Coventry and others, and very glad I am to see that I am so much enquired after and my sickness taken notice of as I did. I keep my bed all day and sweat again at night, by which I expect to be very well to-morrow.

[Modern medical opinion is that it probably was an allergy to the Danzig gerkins.]

15 February 1662/63

Lord's day. This morning my wife did wake me, being frighted with the noise I made in my sleep, being a dream that one of our sea-maisters did desire to see the St. John's Isle of my drawing; which methought I showed him, but methought he did handle it so hard that it put me to very horrid pain; and what should this be but my cods, which after I woke were in very great pain for a good while - what a strange extravagant dream it was.

17 February 1662/63

Coming home, I brought Mr. Pickering as far as the Temple; who tells me the story is very true of a child being dropped at the Ball at Court; and that the King had it in his closet a week after, and did dissect it; and making great sport of it, said that in his opinion it must have been a month and three hours old and that, whatever others think, he hath the greatest loss (it being a boy, as he says), that had lost a subject by the business.

21 February 1662/63

Towards noon there comes a man in as if upon ordinary business, and shows me a Writt from the Exchequer, called a Commission of Rebellion, and tells me that I am his prisoner - in Field's business. Which methought did strike me to the heart, to think that we could not sit safe in the middle of the King's business. I told him how and where we were imployed and bid him have a care; and perceiving that we were busy, he said he would and did withdraw for an houre - in which time Sir J. Minnes took coach and to Court to see what he could do from thence; and our Solicitor against Field came by chance and told me that he would go and satisfy the fees of the Court and would end the business. So he went away about that, and I staid in my closet, till by and by the man and four more of his fellows came to know what I would do; I told them stay till I heard from the King or my Lord Chief Baron, to both whom I had now sent. With that they consulted, and told me that if I would promise to stay in the house they would go and refresh themselves, and come again, and know what answer I had. So they away, and I home to dinner - whither by chance in comes Mr. Hawly and dined with me.
Before I had dined, the Baylys came back again with the Constable, and at the office knock for me but found me not there; and I hearing in what manner they were come, did forbear letting them know where I was. So they stood knocking and enquiring for me.
By and by at my parlour-window comes Sir W. Batten's Mingo, to tell me that his Maister and Lady would have me come to their house through Sir J. Mennes's lodgings, which I could not do; but, however, by lathers did get over the pale between our yards and so to their house, where I found them (as they have reason) to be much concerned for me - my Lady especially.
The fellows staid in the yard swearing with one or two constables; and some time we locked them into the yard and by and by let them out again, and so keeped them all the afternoon, not letting them see me or know where I was. One time, I went up to the top of Sir W. Batten's house, and out of one of their windows spoke to my wife out of one of ours - which methought, though I did it in mirth, yet I was sad to think what a sad thing it would be for me to be really in that condition. By and by comes Sir J. Mennes, who (like himself and all that he doth) tells us that he can do no good, but that my Lord Chancellor wonders that we did not cause the seamen to fall about their ears - which we wished we could have done without our being seen in it; and Captain Grove being there, he did give them some affront and would have got some seamen to have drubbed them, but he had not time nor did we think it fit to have it done, they having executed their commission. But there was occasion given that he did draw his sword upon one of them and he did complain that Grove had pricked him in the breast - but no hurt done; but I see that Grove would have done our business to them if we had bid him. By and by comes Mr. Clerke our Solicitor, who brings us a release from our adverse atturny, we paying the fees of the Commission, which comes to five markes, and pay the charges of these fellows, which are called the Commissioners (but are the most rake-shamed rogues that ever I saw in my life); so he showed them his release and they seemed satisfied and went away with him to their atturny to be paid by him. But before they went, Sir W. Batten and my Lady did begin to taunt them; but the rogues answered them as high as themselfs, and swore they would come again, and called me rogue and Rebell and they would bring the Sheriffe and untile his house before he should harbour a Rebell in his house - and that they would be here again shortly.

23 February 1662/63

...the play hath little good in it - being most pleased to see the little girl dance in boy's apparel, she having very fine legs; only, bends at the hams as I perceive all women do.

2 March 1662/63

There also coming into the river two Duchmen, we sent a couple of men on board and bought three hollands cheeses, cost 4d. a pound, excellent cheese, whereof I had two and Commissioner Pett one.

10 March 1662/63

Dined upon a poor Lenten dinner at home, my wife being vexed at a fray this morning with my Lady Batten about my boy's going thither to turn the watercock which their maids leave, but my Lady was mighty high upon it, and she would teach his mistress better manners; which my wife answered aloud, that she might hear, that she could learn little manners of her.

17 March 1662/63

But my Lord Mayor I find to be a talking, bragging Bufflehead, a fellow that would be thought to have led all the City in the great business of bringing in the King; and that nobody understood his plots, and the dark lanthorn he walked by, but led them and plowed with them as oxen and Asses (his own words) to do what he had a mind - when in every discourse, I observe him to be as very a coxcomb as I could have thought had been in the City.

...But to see how he doth rant and pretend to sway all the City in the Court of Aldermen, and says plainly that they do nor can do nor will he suffer them to do, any thing but what he pleases; nor is there any officer of the City but of his putting in, nor any man that could have kept the City for the King thus well and long but him - and if the country can be preserved, he will undertake that the City shall not dare to stir again - when I am confident there is no man almost in the City cares a turd for him, nor hath he brains to outwit any ordinary tradesman.

3 April 1663

Thence going out of White-hall, I met Captain Grove, who did give me a letter directed to myself from himself; I discerned money to be in it and took it, knowing, as I found it to be, the proceed of the place I have got him, to have the taking up of vessels for Tanger. But I did not open it till I came home to my office; and there I broke it open, not looking into it till all the money was out, that I might say I saw no money in the paper, if ever I should be Questioned about it. There was a piece in gold and 4l. in silver.

22 April 1663

...and thence to my uncle Wights by invitacion; whither my father, wife and Ashwell came - where we had but a poor dinner and not well dressed; besides, the very sight of my aunts hands and greasy manner of carving did almost turn my stomach.

23 April 1663

At Cards till late; and being at supper, my boy being sent for some mustard to a neat's tongue, the rogue stayed half an hour in the streets, it seems at a Bonefire; at which I was very angry and resolve to beat him tomorrow.

24 April 1663

Up betimes; and with my salt Eel went down in the parler, and there got my boy and did beat him till I was fain to take breath two or three times; yet for all, I am afeard it will make the boy never the better, he is grown so hardened in his tricks; which I am sorry for, he being capable of making a brave man and is a boy that I and my wife love very well.

...at noon home, whither came Captain Holland, who is lately come home from Sea and hath been much harassed in law about the ship which he hath bought; so that it seems, in a despaire he endeavoured to cut his own throat, but is recovered it; and it seems, whether by that or any other's persuasion (his wife's mother being a great zealot), he is turned almost a Quaker, his discourse being nothing but holy, and that impertinent that I was weary of him. At last, pretending to go to the Change, we walked thither together; and there I left him and home to dinner...

25 April 1663

Among other things, Sir W. Batten had a mind to cause Butler (our chief witness in the business of Field, whom we did force back from an imployment going to sea to come back to attend our law-Sute) to be borne as a Mate on the Raynbow in the Downes, in compensacion of his loss for our sakes. This he orders an order to be drawn by Mr. Turner for; and after Sir J. Mennes, Sir W. Batten, and Sir W. Penn had signed it, it came to me and I was going to put it up into my book, thinking to consider of it and give them my opinion upon it before I parted with it; but Sir W. Penn told me I must sign it or give it him again, for it should not go without my hand. I told him what I meant to do - whereupon Sir W. Batten was very angry, and in a great heat (which will bring out anything that he hath in his mind; and I am glad of it, though it is base in him to have a thing so long in his mind without speaking of it, though I am glad this is the worst, for if he had worse it would out as well as this some time or other) told me that I should not think as I have heretofore done, make them sign orders and not sign them myself - which what ignorance or worse it implies is easy to judge, when he shall sign (and the rest of the board too, as appears in this business) to things for company and not out of their justice; for after some discourse, I did convince them that it was not fit to have it go; and Sir W. Batten first, and then the rest, did willingly cancel all their hands and tore the order. For I told them, Butler being such a rogue as I know him and we have all signed him to be to the Duke, it will be in his power to publish this to our great reproach, that we should take such a course as this to serve ourselves in, wronging the King by putting him into a place he is nowise capable of, and that in an Admiral ship.

11 May 1663

So to the yard a little and thence on foot to Greenewich; where going, I was set upon by a great dog, who got hold of my garters and might have done me hurt; but Lord, to see in what a maze I was, that having a sword about me, I never thought of it or had the heart to make use of it, but might for want of that courage have been worried.

15 May 1663

My Lord Hinchingbroke, I am told, hath had a mischance to kill his boy by his birding-piece going off as he was a-fouling. The gun was charged with small shot and hit the boy in the face and about the Temples, and he lived four days.

...home - where I find it almost night and my wife and the Dancing Maister alone above, not dancing but walking. Now, so deadly full of jealousy I am, that my heart and head did so cast about and fret, that I could not do any business possibly, but went out to my office; and anon late home again, and ready to chide at every thing; and then suddenly to bed and could hardly sleep, yet durst not say anything; but was forced to say that I had bad news from the Duke concerning Tom Hater, as an excuse to my wife - who by my folly hath too much opportunity given her with that man; who is a pretty neat black man, but married. But it is a deadly folly and plague that I bring upon myself to be so jealous; and by giving myself such an occasion, more than my wife desired, of giving her another month's dancing - which however shall be ended as soon as I can possibly. But I am ashamed to think what a course I did take by lying to see whether my wife did wear drawers today as she used to do, and other things to raise my suspicion of her; but I found no true cause of doing it.

16 May 1663

Up, with my mind disturbed and with my last night's doubts upon me.

For which I deserve to be beaten, if not really served as I am fearful of being; especially since, God knows, that I do not find honesty enough in my own mind but that upon a small temptation I could be false to her, and therefore ought not to expect more justice from her - but God pardon both my sin and my folly herein.

To my office and there setting all the morning; and at noon dined at home. After dinner comes Pembleton again; and I being out of humour, would not see him, pretending business; but Lord, with what jealousy did I walk up and down my chamber, listening to hear whether they danced or no, which they did; notwithstanding I afterwards knew, and did then believe that Ashwell was with them. So to my office awhile; and, my jealousy still reigning, I went in and, not out of any pleasure but from that only reason, did go up to them to practise; and did make an end of La Duchesse, which I think I should with a little pains do very well. So broke up and saw him gone.

...My mind in some better ease resolving to prevent matters for the time to come as much as I can, it being to no purpose to trouble myself for what is past, being occasioned too by my own folly.

25 May 1663

...I up and there hear that my wife and her maid Ashwell had between them spilled the pot of piss and turd upon the floor and stool and God knows what, and were mighty merry washing of it clean. I took no great notice, but merrily.

28 May 1663

At the Coffee-house in Exchange=ally I bought a little book, Counsell to Builders, written by Sir Balth. Gerbier; it is dedicated almost to all the men of any great condition in England, so that the epistles are more than the book itself; and both it and them not worth a turd, that I am ashamed that I bought it.

13 June 1663

Thence by coach with a mad coachman that drove like mad, and down byeways, through bucklersbury home, everybody through the street cursing him, being ready to run over them.

19 June 1663

...the King of France is well again, and that he saw him train his guards, all brave men, at Paris; and that when he goes to his mistress, Madame La Valiere, a pretty little woman, now with child by him, he goes with his guards with him publicly and his trumpets and Kettle drums with him, who stay before the house while he is with her; and yet he says that for all this, the Queene doth not know of it, for that nobody dares to tell her - but that I dare not believe.

29 June 1663

...fell to talk with Mrs. Lane and after great talk that she never went abroad with any man as she used heretofore to do, I with one word got her to go with me and to meet me at the further Rhenish wine-house - where I did give her a Lobster and do so towse her and feel her all over, making her believe how fair and good a skin she had; and endeed, she hath a very white thigh and leg, but monstrous fat. When weary, I did give over, and somebody having seen some of our dalliance, called aloud in the street, “Sir, why do you kiss the gentlewoman so?” and flung a stone at the window - which vexed me - but I believe they could not see my towsing her; and so we broke up and I went out the back way, without being observed I think; and so she towards the hall and I to White-hall...

1 July 1663

Mr. Batten telling us of a late triall of Sir Charles Sydly the other day, before my Lord Chief Justice Foster and the whole Bench - for his debauchery a little while since at Oxford Kate’s; coming in open day into the Balcone and showed his nakedness – acting all the postures of lust and buggery that could be imagined, and abusing of scripture and, as it were, from thence preaching a Mountebanke sermon from that pulpitt, saying that there he hath to sell such a pouder as should make all the cunts in town run after him – a thousand people standing underneath to see and hear him. And that being done, he took a glass of wine and washed his prick in it and then drank it off; and then took another and drank the King’s health. It seems my Lord and the rest of the judges did all of them round give him a most high reproofe - my Lord Chief Justice saying that it was for him and such wicked wretches as he was that God’s anger and judgments hung over us - calling him “Sirrah” many times. It's said they have bound him to his good behaviour (there being no law against him for it) in 5000l. It being told that my Lord Buckhurst was there, my Lord asked whether it was that Buckhurst that was lately tried for robbery; and when answered “Yes”, he asked whether he had so soon forgot his deliverance at that time, and that it would have more become him to have been at his prayers, begging God’s forgiveness, than now running into such courses again. Upon this discourse, Sir J. Mennes and Mr. Batten both say that buggery is now almost grown as common among our gallants as in Italy, and that the very pages of the town begin to complain of their masters for it. But blessed be God, I do not to this day know what is the meaning of this sin, nor which is the agent nor which the patient.

4 July 1663

Thence with Creede to the King’s-head ordinary; but, coming late, dined at the second table very well for 12d.; and a pretty gentleman in our company who confirms my Lady Castlemaynes being gone from Court, but knows not the reason. He told us of one wipe the Queene a little while ago did give her, when she came in and found the Queen under the dresser’s hands and had been so long - “I wonder your Majesty,” says she, “can have the patience to sit so long a-dressing:” “Oh,” says the Queene, “I have so much reason to use patience, that I can very well bear with it.”

11 July 1663

About 1 or 2 in the morning, the Curtains of my bed being drawn waked me, and I saw a man stand there by the inside of my bed, calling me “French dogg” twenty times, one after another; and I starting, as if I would get out of the bed, he fell a-laughing as hard as he could drive - still calling me French dog, and laid his hand on my shoulder. At last, whether I said anything or no I cannot tell, but I perceived the man, after he had looked wistely upon me too and found that I did not answer him to the names that he called me by, which was Salmon (Sir G. Carterets clerk) and Robert. Maddox, another of the clerks, he put off his hat of a suddaine, and forebore laughing, and asked who I was - saying, “Are you Mr. Pepys?” I told him “Yes” and now, being come a little better to myself, I found him to be Tom Willson (Sir W. Batten’s clerk); and fearing he might be in some melancholy fit, I was at a loss what to do or say. At last I asked him what he meant: he desired my pardon for that he was mistaken, for he thought verily (not knowing of my coming to lie there) that it had been Salmon the Frenchman, with whom he intended to have made some sport. So I made nothing of it, but bid him good-night; and I after a little pause to sleep again - being well pleased that it ended no worse - and being a little the better pleased with it because it was the Surveyors clerke, which will make sport when I come to tell Sir W. Batten of it, it being a report that old Edgeborough, the former Surveyor who died here, doth now and then walk.

12 July 1663

Lord's day. Up; and meeting Tom Willson, he asked my pardon again; which I easily did give him, telling him only that it was well I was not a woman with child, for it might have made me miscarry.

22 August 1663

This day Sir W. Batten tells me that Mr. Newburne (of whom the nick-word came up among us for “Arise Tom Newburne”) is dead of eating Cowcoumbers, of which, the other day, I heard another, I think Sir Nich. Crisps son.

27 August 1663

Up, after much pleasant talk with my wife and a little that vexes me, for I see that she is confirmed in it that all that I do is by design, and that my very keeping of the house in dirt, and the doing of this and any thing else in the house, is but to find her imployment to keep her within and from minding of her pleasure. In which, though I am sorry to see she minds it, is true enough in a great degree.

11 September 1663

This morning, about 2 or 3 a-clock, knocked up in our backyard; and rising to the window, being moonshine, I found it was the Constable and his watch, who had found our backyard door open and so came in to see what the matter was. So I desired them to shut the door and bid them good-night. And so to bed again.

17 September 1663

...I begun a journy with them; and with much ado through the Fens, along Dikes, where sometimes we were ready to have our horses sink to the belly, we got by night, with great deal of stir and hard riding, to Parsons drove, a heathen place - where I found my uncle and aunt Perkins, and their daughters, poor wretches, in a sad poor thatched cottage, like a poor barne or stable, peeling of Hemp (in which I did give myself good content to see their manner of preparing of hemp) and in a poor condition of habitt; took them to our miserable Inne and there, after long stay and hearing of Franke their son, the miller, play upon his Treble (as he calls it), with which he earnes part of his living, and singing of a country bawdy song, we set down to supper: the whole Crew and Frankes wife and children (a sad company, of which I was ashamed) supped with us.

By and by news is brought to us that one of our horses is stole out of the Stable; which proves my uncles, at which I was inwardly glad; I mean, that it was not mine. And at this we were at a great loss; and they doubting a person that lay at next door, a Londoner, some lawyer's clerk, we caused him to be secured in his bed, and made care to be taken to seize the horse; and so, about 12 at night or more, to bed in a sad, cold, nasty chamber; only the maid was indifferent handsome, and so I had a kiss or two of her, and I to bed. And a little after I was asleep, they waked me to tell me that the horse was found, which was good news; and so to sleep till the morning - but was bit cruelly (and nobody else of our company, which I wonder at) by the gnatts.

6 October 1663

Slept pretty well, and my wife waked to ring the bell to call up our maids to the washing about 4 a-clock and I was, and she, angry that our bell did not wake them sooner; but I will get a bigger bell. So we to sleep again till 8 a-clock...

20 October 1663

...and while I was in Kirtons shop, a fellow came to offer kindness or force to my wife in the coach. But she refusing, he went away, after the coachman had struck him and he the coachman. So I being called, went thither; and the fellow coming out again of a shop, I did give him a good cuff or two on the chops; and seeing him not oppose me, I did give him another; at last, found him drunk, of which I was glad and so left him and home...

8 November 1663

Up; and it being late, to church... I found that my coming in a perriwigg did not prove so strange to the world as I was afeared it would, for I thought that all the church would presently have cast their eyes all upon me - but I found no such thing.

9 November 1663

...and it was pleasant to see how Blackburn himself did act it; how when the Commissioners of the Admiralty would enquire of the Captains and Admiralls of such and such men, how they would with a sithe and casting up the eye say, "Such a man fears the Lord" - or, "I hope such a man hath the Spirit of God," and such things as that. But he tells me that there was a cruel Articling against Pen after one fight, for cowardice in putting himself within a Coyle of Cables, of which he had much ado to acquit himself;

14 December 1663

But among other things, Lord, what an account did Sir J. Mennes and Sir W. Batten make of the pulling down and burning of the head of the Charles, where Cromwell was placed with people under his horse, and Peter, as the Duke called him, is praying to him. And Sir J. Mennes would needs infer the temper of the people from their joy at the doing of this and their building a Jibbet for the hanging of his head up – when, God knows, it is even the flinging away of 100l. out of the King's purse to the building of another - which it seems must be a Neptune.


Then we fell to talk of Sir J. Mennes and Sir W. Batten burning of Olivers head, while he was there; which was done with so much insulting and folly as I never heard of, and had the Trayned-band of Rochester to come to the solemnity – when, when all comes to all, Commissioner Pett says it never was made for him. But it troubles me the King should suffer 100l. loss in his purse to make a new one, after it was forgot whose head it was or any words spoke of it.

21 December 1663

...took Coach, and being directed by sight of bills upon the walls, did go to Shooe lane to see a Cocke-fighting at a new pit there - a sport I was never at in my life. But Lord, to see the strange variety of people, from Parliament-man (by name Wildes, that was Deputy-governor of the Tower when Robinson was Lord Mayor) to the poorest prentices, bakers, brewers, butchers, draymen, and what not; and all this fellows one with another in swearing, cursing, and betting. I soon had enough of it; and yet I would not but have seen it once, it being strange to observe the nature of those poor creatures, how they will fight till they drop down dead upon the table and strike after they are ready to give up the ghost - not offering to run away when they are weary or wounded past doing further. Whereas, where a Dunghill brood comes, he will, after a sharp stroke that pricks him, run off the stage, and then they wring off his neck without more ado. Whereas the other they preserve, though their eyes be both out, for breed only of a true cock of the game. Sometimes, a cock that has had ten to one against him will by chance give an unlucky blow will strike the other stark-dead in a moment, that he never stirs more. But the common rule is, that though a cock neither run nor dies, yet if any man will bet 10l to a Crowne, and nobody take the bett, the game is given over, and not sooner. One thing more it is strange to see, how people of this poor rank, that look as if they had not bread to put in their mouths, shall bet 3 or 4l at one bet and lose it, and yet bet as much the next battell, as they call every match of two cocks - so that one of them will lose 10 or 20l at a meeting. Thence, having enough of it, by coach to my Lord Sandwich's...

4 January 1663/64

Thence to the Tennice Court (after I had spent a little time in Westminster Hall, thinking to have met with Mrs. Lane, but I could not and am glad of it) and there saw the King play at Tennis and others. But to see how the King's play was extolled without any cause at all, was a loathsome sight, though sometimes endeed he did play very well and deserved to be commended; but such open flattery is beastly.

16 January 1663/64

...I by water to Westminster-hall and there did see Mrs. Lane, and de là, elle and I to the cabaret at the Cloche in the street du roy; and there, after some caresses, je l’ay foutée sous de la chaise deux times, and the last to my great pleasure; mais j’ai grand peur que je l’ay fait faire aussi elle meme. Mais after I had done, elle commençait parler as before and I did perceive that je n’avais fait rien de danger à elle. Et avec ça, I came away; and though I did make grand promises à la contraire, nonobstant je ne la verrai pas long time...

...So home to supper and to bed, with my mind un peu troublé pour ce que j’ai fait to-day. But I hope it will be la dernière de toute ma vie.

21 January 1663/64

Up; and after sending my wife to my aunt Wight’s to get a place to see Turner hanged, I to the office, where we sat all the morning. And at noon, going to the Change and seeing people flock in that, I enquired and found that Turner was not yet hanged; and so I went among them to Leadenhall- street at the end of Lyme-street, near where the robbery was done, and to St. Mary Axe, where he lived; and there I got for a shilling to stand upon the wheel of a Cart, in great pain, above an hour before the execution was done - he delaying the time by long discourses and prayers one after another, in hopes of a reprieve; but none came, and at last was flung off the lather in his cloak. A comely-looked man he was, and kept his countenance to the end - I was sorry to see him. It was believed there was at least 12 or 14000 people in the street.

23 January 1663/64

And after we had dined came Mr. Mallard; and after he had eat something, I brought down my vyall, which he played on - the first Maister that ever touched her yet, and she proves very well and will be, I think, an admirable instrument. He played some very fine things of his own, but I was afeared to enter too far in their commendation for fear he should offer to copy them for me out, and so I be forced to give or lend him something.

30 January 1663/64

This evening, being in an humour of making all things even and clear in the world, I tore some old papers; among others, a romance which (under the title of Love a Cheate) I begun ten year ago at Cambridge; and at this time, reading it over tonight, I liked it very well and wondered a little at myself at my vein at that time when I wrote it, doubting that I cannot do so well now if I would try.

1 February 1663/64

In my way home I light and to the Coffee-house, where I heard Lieutenant Collonell Baron tell very good stories of his travels over the high hills in Asia above the Cloudes. How clear the heaven is above them. How thick, like a mist, the way is through the cloud, that wets like a sponge one’s clothes. The ground above the clouds all dry and parched, nothing in the world growing, it being only a dry earth. Yet not so hot above as below the clouds. The stars at night most delicate bright and a fine clear blue sky. But cannot see the earth at any time through the clouds, but the clouds look like a world below you.

2 February 1663/64

...thence off to the Sun taverne with Sir W. Warren, and with him discoursed long and had good advice and hints from him; and among other things, he did give me a pair of gloves for my wife, wrapped up in paper; which I would not open, feeling it hard, but did tell him that my wife should thank him, and so went on in discourse. When I came home, Lord, in what pain I was to get my wife out of the room without bidding her go, that I might see what these gloves were; and by and by, she being gone, it proves a pair of white gloves for her and 40 pieces in good gold: which did so cheer my heart that I could eat no victuals almost for dinner for joy to think how God doth bless us every day more and more - and more yet I hope he will upon the encrease of my duty and endeavours. I was at great loss what to do, whether tell my wife of it or no; which I could hardly forbear, but yet I did and will think of it first before I do, for fear of making her think me to be in a better condition or in a better way of getting money then yet I am.

3 February 1663/64

This night late, coming in my coach coming up Ludgate hill, I saw two gallants and their footmen taking a pretty wench which I have much eyed lately, set up shop upon the hill, a seller of ribband and gloves. They seem to drag her by some force, but the wench went and I believe had her turn served; but God forgive me, what thoughts and wishes I had of being in their place.

4 February 1663/64

So home to the office; and by and by comes my wife home from the burial of Captain Groves wife at Wapping (she telling me a story how her maid Jane, going into the boat, did fall down and show her arse in the boat) and all;

17 February 1663/64

Sir W. Rider come and stayed with me till about 12 at night, having found ourselfs work till that time about understanding the measuring of Mr. Woods masts; which though I did so well before as to be thought to deal very hardly against Wood, yet I am ashamed I understood it no better and do hope yet, whatever be thought of me, to save the King some more money. And out of an impatience to break up with my head full of confused confounded notions but nothing brought to a clear comprehension, I was resolved to set up, and did, till now it is ready to strike 4 a-clock, all alone, cold, and my candle not enough left to light me to my own house; and so, with my business however brought to some good understanding and set it down pretty clear, I went home to bed, with my mind at good quiet, and the girle setting up for me (the rest all a-bed); I eat and drank a little and to bed, weary, sleepy, cold, and my head akeing.

4th March 1663/64

...and so home to bed - having a great cold in my head and throat tonight from my late cutting my hair so close to my head; but I hope it will be soon gone again.

8 March 1663/64

Up, with some little discontent with my wife upon her saying that she had got and used some puppy-dog water, being put upon it by a desire of my aunt Wight to get some for her; who hath a mind, unknown to her husband, to get some for her ugly face.

14 March 1663/64

Thence to White Hall; and in the Dukes chamber, while he was dressing, two persons of quality that were there did tell his Royal Highness how the other night in Holborne about midnight, being at cards, a link-boy came by and run into the house and told the people the house was a-falling; upon this, the whole family was frighted, concluding that the boy had said that the house was a-fire; so they deft their cards above, and one would have got out of the balcone, but it was not open; the other went up to fetch down his children that were in bed. So all got clear out of the house; and no sooner so, but the house fell down indeed, from top to bottom. It seems my Lord Southamptons canaille did come too near their foundation and so weakened the house, and down it came - which in every respect is a most extraordinary passage.

18 March 1663/64

...to the church and with the grave-maker chose a place for my brother to lie in, just under my mother’s pew. But to see how a man’s tombes are at the mercy of such a fellow, that for 6d he would (as his own words were) “I will justle them together but I will make room for him” - speaking of the fullness of the middle Isle where he was to lie. And that he would for my father’s sake, do my brother that is dead all the civility he can; which was to disturb other corps that are not quite rotten to make room for him. And methought his manner of speaking it was very remarkable - as of a thing that now was in his power to do a man a courtesy or not.

22 March 1663/64

I went thither; calling at my own house, going out found the parlour curtains drawn; and enquiring the reason of it, they told me that their mistress had got Mrs. Buggin’s fine little dog and our little bitch - which is proud at this time - and I am apt to think that she was helping him to lime her - for going afterwards to my uncle Wights and supping there with her, where very merry with Mr. Woolly’s drollery, and going home, I found the little dog so little that of himself he could not reach our bitch; which I am sorry for - for it is the finest dog that ever I saw in my life - as if he were painted, the colours are so finely mixed and shaded. God forgive me, it went against me to have my wife and servants look upon them while they endeavoured to do something, and yet it provoked me to pleasure with my wife more than usual tonight.

2 April 1664

At noon to the Coffee-house, where excellent discourse with Sir W. Petty; who proposed it, as a thing that is truly questionable, whether there really be any difference between waking and dreaming - that it is hard not only to tell how we know when we do a thing really or in a dream, but also to know what the difference between one and the other.

5 April 1664

...home myself, where I find my wife dressed as if she had been abroad, but I think she was not. But she answering me some way that I did not like, I pulled her by the nose; indeed, to offend her, though afterward, to appease her, I denied it, but only it was done in jest. The poor wretch took it mighty ill; and I believe, besides wringing her nose, she did feel pain and so cried a great while. But by and by I made her friends...

12 April 1664

So home and find my father come to lie at our house; and so supped and saw him, poor man, to bed - my heart never being fuller of love to him, nor admiration of his prudence and pains heretofore in the world then now, to see how Tom hath carried himself in his trade - and how the poor man hath his thoughts going to provide for his younger children and my mother. But I hope they shall never want.

13 April 1664

All the afternoon at the office with W. Boddam looking over his perticulars about the Chest of Chatham, which show enough what a knave Commissioner Pett hath been all along, and how Sir W. Batten hath gone on in getting good allowances to himself and others out of the poor’s money. Time will show all.

17 April 1664

Lords day.
Our parson Mr. Mills his own mistake in reading of the service was very remarkable; that instead of saying “We beseech thee to preserve to our use the kindly fruits of the earth” - he cries, “Preserve to our use our gracious Queen Katherine.”

21 April 1664

...and so to the office; we sat all the afternoon, but no sooner sat but news comes my Lady Sandwich was come to see us; so I went out, and running up (her friend however before me) I perceive by my dear Lady’s blushing that in my dining-room she was doing something upon the pott; which I also was ashamed of and so fell to some discourse, but without pleasure, through very pity to my Lady.

My Lady, my wife not being at home, did not stay but, poor good woman, went away, I being mightily taken with her dear visit.

3 May 1664

...to Mr. Coventry’s chamber and there upon my Lord Peterborough’s accounts, where I endeavoured to show the folly and punish it as much as I could of Mr. Povy, for of all the men in the world, I never knew any man of his degree so great a coxcomb in such imployments. I see I have lost him forever, but I value it not; for he is a coxcomb and I doubt not over-honest, by some things which I see. And yet for all his folly, he hath the good luck now and then to speak his follies in so good words and with as good a show as if it were reason and to the purpose - which is really one of the wonders of my life.

11May 1664

My uncle Wight came to me to my office this afternoon to speak with me about Mr. Maes’s business again, and from me went to my house to see my wife; and strange to think that my wife should by and by send for me after he was gone, to tell me that he should begin discourse of her want of children and his also, and how he thought it would be best for him and her to have one between them, and he would give her 500l. either in money or jewell beforehand and make the child his heyre. He commended her body and discoursed that for all he knew the thing was lawful. She says she did give him a very warm answer, such as he did not excuse himself by saying that he said this in jest, but told her that since he saw what her mind was he would say no more to her of it, and desired her to make no words of it. It seemed he did say all this in a kind of counterfeit laugh; but by all words that passed, which I cannot now so well set down, it is plain to me that he was in good earnest, and that I fear all his kindness is but only his lust to her. What to think of it of a sudden I know not, but I think not to take notice yet of it to him till I have thought better of it. So, with my mind and head a little troubled, I received a letter from Mr. Coventry about a mast for the Dukes yacht; which with other business makes me resolve to go betimes to Woolwich to-morrow. So to supper and to bed.

17 May 1664

After office, home and to supper and with good ease to bed. And endeavoured to tie my hands that I might not lay them out of bed, by which I believe I have got cold; but I could not endure it.

3 June 1664

At the Committee for Tanger all the afternoon; where a sad consideration to see things of so great weight managed in so confused a manner as it is, so as I would not have the buying of an acre of land bought by - the Duke of York and Mr. Coventry, for ought I see, being the only two that do anything like men. Prince Robert doth nothing but swear and laugh a little, with an oath or two, and that’s all he doth.

4 June 1664

Mr. Coventry, discoursing this noon about Sir W. Batten (what a sad fellow he is), told me how the King told him the other day how Sir W. Batten, being in the ship with him and Prince Rupert when they expected to fight with Warwicke, did walk up and down sweating, with a napkin under his throat to dry up his sweat. And that Prince Rupert, being a most Jealous man, and particularly of Batten, doth walk up and down, swearing bloodily to the King that Batten had a mind to betray them today, and that the napkin was a signal; “But by God,” says he, “if things go ill, the first thing I will do is to shoot him.”

30 June 1664

Walked back from Woolwich to Greenwich all alone, save a man that had a cudgell in his hand; and though he told me he laboured in the King’s yards and many other good arguments that he is an honest man, yet God forgive me, I did doubt he might knock me on the head behind with his club - but I got safe home.

20 July 1664

This evening being moonshine, I played a little late upon my flagelette in the garden. But being at Westminster-hall, I met with great news: that Mrs. Lane is married to one Martin, one that serves Captain Marsh. She is gone abroad with him today, very fine. I must have a bout with her very shortly, to see how she finds marriage.

21 June 1664

Thence to Westminster and to Mrs. Lane’s lodging to give her joy. And there suffered me to deal with her as I used to do; and by and by her husband comes, a sorry simple fellow, and his letter to her, which she proudly showed me, a simple, silly, nonsensical thing. A man of no discourse, and I fear married her to make a prize of; which he is mistaken in. And a sad wife I believe she will prove to him, for she urged me to appoint a time, as soon as he is gone out of town, to give her a meeting next week.

22 June 1664

...straight home by water and there find, as I expected, Mr. Hill and Andrews and one slovenly and ugly fellow, Seignor Pedro, who sings Italian songs to the Theorbo most neatly; and they spent the whole evening in singing the best piece of musique, counted of all hands in the world, made by Seignor Charissimi the famous master in Rome. Fine it was endeed, and too fine for me to judge of.

They have spoke to Pedro to meet us every week, and I fear it will grow a trouble to me if we once come to bid guests to meet us, especially idle masters - which do a little displease me to consider.

23 July 1664

From thence walked toward Westminster; and being in an idle and wanton humour, walked through Fleet-alley, and there stood a most pretty wench at one of the doors. So I took a turn or two; but what by sense of honour and conscience, I would not go in. But much against my will, took coach and away to Westminster-hall, and there light of Mrs. Lane and plotted with her to go over the water; so met at Whites stairs in Chanel-row, and over to the old house at Lambeth-marsh and there eat and drank and had my pleasure of her twice - she being the strangest woman in talk, of love to her husband sometimes, and sometimes again she do not care for him - and yet willing enough to allow me a liberty of doing what I would with her. So spending 5 or 6s upon her, I could do what I would; and after an hour’s stay and more, back again and set her ashore there again, and I forward to Fleetstreet, and called at Fleet-alley, not knowing how to command myself; and went in and there saw what formerly I have been acquainted with, the wickedness of those houses and the forcing a man to present expense. The woman, indeed, is a most lovely woman; but I had no courage to meddle with her, for fear of her not being wholesome, and so counterfeited that I had not money enough. It was pretty to see how cunning that Jade was; would not suffer me to have to do in any manner with her after she saw I had no money; but told me then I would not come again, but she now was sure I would come again - though I hope in God I shall not, for though she be one of the prettiest women I ever saw, yet I fear her abusing me.

So desiring God to forgive me for this vanity, I went home...

28 July 1664

Thence to Westminster to my barbers; and strange to think how when I find that Jervas himself did intend to bring home my periwigg, and not Jane his maid, I did desire not to have it at all, for I had a mind to have her bring it home.

15 August 1664

...and thence to the Trumpett, whither comes Mrs. Lane and there begins a sad story how her husband, as I feared, proves not worth a farding, and that she is with child and undone if I do not get him a place. I had my pleasure here of her; and she, like an impudent jade, depends upon my kindness to her husband; but I will have no more to do with her, let her brew as she hath baked – seeing she would not take my counsel about Hawly.

26 August 1664

This day my wife tells me Mr. Pen, Sir Wms son, is come back from France and come to visit her – a most modish person, grown, she says, a fine gentleman.

(Letter from P. Gibson to Penn, March 1712: ‘I remember your honour well, when you newly came out of France, and wore pantaloon breeches...’)

30 August 1664

After dinner comes Mr. Pen to visit me, and stayed an hour talking with me. I perceive something of learning he hath got, but a great deal, if not too much, of the vanity of the French garbe and affected manner and gait – I fear all real profit he hath made of his travel will signify little.

3 September 1664

[[Health]] I have had a bad night’s rest tonight, not sleeping well, as my wife observed, and once or twice she did wake me; and I thought myself to be mightily bit with fleas, and in the morning she chid her maids for not looking the fleas a-days. But when I rise, I find that it is only the change of the weather from hot to cold, which (as was two winters ago) doth stop my pores, and my blood tingles and iches all day long just as then; and if it continues to be so cold, I fear I must come to the same pass. But sweating cured me then, and I hope and am told will this also.

5 September 1664

...and thither came W. Bowyer and dined with us; but strange to see how he could not endure onyons in sauce to lamb, but was overcome with the sight of it and so was forced to make his dinner of an egg or two.

11 September 1664

This afternoon, it seems, Sir J Minnes fell sick at church; and going down the gallery stairs, fell down dead;

14 September 1664

at noon at the Change and there went off with Sir W. Warren and took occasion to desire him to lend me 100l – which he said he would let me have with all his heart presently, as he had promised me a little while ago to give me, for my pains in his two great contracts of masts, 100l; and that this should be it – to which end I did move it to him; and by this means I hope to be possessed of the 100l presently, within two or three days.

16 September 1664

...met Mr. Pargiter, and he would needs have me to drink a cup of Horse-redish ale, which he and a friend of his, troubled with the stone, have been drinking of - which we did, and then walked into the fields as far almost as Sir G. Whitmores, all the way talking of Russia - which he says is a sad place; and though Mosco is a very great city, yet it is, from the distance between house and house, and few people compared with this - and poor sorry houses, the Emperor himself living in a wooden house - his exercise only flying a hawke at pigeons and carrying pigeons ten or twelve miles off and then laying wagers which pigeon shall come soonest home to her house. All the winter within doors, some few playing at Chesse, but most drinking their time away. Women live very slavishly there. And it seems, in the Emperor’s Court no room hath above two or three windows, and those the greatest not a yard wide or high - for warmth in winter time. And that the general cure for all diseases there is their sweating-houses - or people that are poor, they get into their ovens, being heated, and there lie. Little learning among things of any sort - not a man that speaks Latin, unless the Secretary of State by chance.

22 September 1664

So to my office late, and home to supper and to bed, having got a strange cold in my head by flinging off my hat at dinner and sitting with the wind in my neck.

5 October 1664

Thence to the Musique-meeting at the post office, where I was once before. And thither anon come all the Gresham College, and a great deal of noble company. And the new instrument was brought, called the Arched Viall – where, being tuned with Lutestrings and played on with Kees like an Organ - a piece of Parchment is always kept moving; and the strings, which by the keys are pressed down upon it, are grated, in imitation of a bow, by the parchment; and so it is intended to resemble several vyalls played on with one bow - but so basely and harshly, that it will never do. But after three hours’ stay it could not be Fixt in tune; and so they were fain to go to some other Musique of instruments, which I am grown quite out of love with

7 October 1664

Lay pretty while, with some discontent, abed, even to the having bad words with my wife, and blows too, about the ill serving-up of our victuals yesterday; but all ended in love.

14 October 1664

Up by break of day and got to Brampton by three a-clock - where my father and mother overjoyed to see me - my mother ready to weep every time she looked upon me. After dinner my father and I to the Court and there did all our business to my mind, as I have set down in a paper perticularly expressing our proceedings at this Court. So home, where W. Joyce full of talk and pleased with his journey. And after supper, I to bed and left my father, mother and him laughing.

26 October 1664

At Woolwich, I there up to the King and Duke... Here I stayed above with them while the ship was launched; which was done with great success, and the King did very much like the ship, saying she had the best bow that ever he saw.

But, Lord, the sorry talk and discourse among the great courtiers round about him, without any reverence in the world, but with so much disorder.

By and by the Queen comes and her maids of honour; one whereof, Mrs. Boynton, and the Duchesse of Buckeingham, had been very sick coming by water in the barge (the water being very rough); but what silly sport they made with them, in very common terms, methought, was very poor, and below what people think these great people say and do.

15 November 1664

I to the Change; and thence Bagwell’s wife with much ado fallowed me through Moor-fields to a blind alehouse, and there I did caress her and eat and drank, and many hard looks and sithes the poor wretch did give me, and I think verily was troubled at what I did; but at last, after many protestings, by degrees I did arrive at what I would, with great pleasure. Then in the evening, it raining, walked to the town to where she knew where she was; and then I took coach and to White-hall...

24 November 1664

About noon out with Comissioner Pett, and he and I to a Coffee-house to drink Jocolatte, very good;

6 December 1664

...I to Westminster-hall and there spent much time till towards noon, to and fro with people. So by and by Mrs. Lane comes and plucks me by the cloak to speak to me, and I was fain to go to her shop; and pretending to buy some bands, made her go home and I by and by fallowed her and there did what I would with her; and so after many discourses and her intreating me to do something for her husband, which I promised to do, and buying a little band of her, which I intend to keep too - I took leave, there coming a couple of footboys to her with a coach to fetch her abroad, I know not to whom. She is great with child, and she says I must be godfather, but I do not intend it.

19 December 1664

Going to bed betimes last night, we waked betimes. And from our people’s being forced to take the key to go out to light a candle, I was very angry and begun to find fault with my wife for not commanding her servants as she ought. Thereupon she giving me some cross answer, I did strike her over her left eye such a blow as the poor wretch did cry out and was in great pain; but yet her spirit was such as to endeavour to bite and scratch me. But I cogging with her, made her leave crying, and sent for butter and parsley, and friends presently one with another; and I up, vexed at my heart to think what I had done, for she was forced to lay a poultice or something to her eye all day, and is black - and the people of the house observed it...

...Thence home; and not finding Bagwell’s wife as I expected, I to the Change and there walked up and down, and then home; and she being come, I bid her go and stay at Mooregate for me; and after going up to my wife (whose eye is very bad, but she is in very good temper to me); and after dinner, I to the place and walked round the fields again and again, but not finding her I to the Change and there found her waiting for me and took her away and to an alehouse, and there I made much of her; and then away thence and to another and endeavoured to caress her; but elle ne vouloit pas, which did vex me but I think it was chiefly not having a good easy place to do it upon.

20 December 1664

Up and walked to Deptford, where after doing something at the yard, I walked, without being observed, with Bagwell home to his house and there was very kindly used, and the poor people did get a dinner for me in their fashion - of which I also eat very well. After dinner I found occasion of sending him abroad; and then alone avec elle je tentoy à faire ce que je voudrais et contre sa force je le faisoy, bien que pas à mon contentment. By and by he coming back again I took leave and walked home

21 December 1664

...I to Mrs. Turner in Salsbury Court, and with her a little, and carried her (the porter staying for me) our Eagle, which she desired the other day; and we were glad to be rid of her, she fouling our house of office mightily - they are much pleased with her

24 December 1664

Having sat up all night to past two a-clock this morning, our porter, being appointed, comes and tells us that the Bellman tells him that the star is seen upon Tower-hill. So I, that had been all night setting in order all my old papers in my chamber, did leave off all; and my boy and I to Tower hill, it being a most fine bright moonshine night and a great frost, but no Comett to be seen; so after running once round the Hill, I and Tom, we home and then to bed.

2 January 1664/65

So back again home, where, thinking to be merry, was vexed with my wife’s having looked out a letter in Sir Ph. Sidny about jealousy for me to read, which she industriously and maliciously caused me to do; and the truth is, my conscience told me it was most proper for me, and therefore was touched at it; but took no notice of it, but read it out most frankly. But it stuck in my stomach; and moreover, I was vexed to have a dog brought to my house to lime our little bitch, which they make him do in all their sights; which God forgive me, doth stir my Jealousy again, though of itself the thing is a very immodest sight.

24th January 1664/65

Thence home to dinner and then to the office, where all the afternoon and at night till very late; and then home to supper and bed, having a great cold, got on Sunday last by sitting too long with my head bare for Mercer to comb me and wash my eares.

27th January 1664/65

Called up by Mr. Creed to discourse about some Tanger business And he gone, I made me ready and find Jane Welsh, Mr. Jervas his maid, come to tell me that she was gone from her master, and is resolved to stick to this sweetheart of hers, one Harbing (a very sorry little fellow, and poor); which I did in a word or two endeavour to dissuade her from. But being unwilling to keep her long at my house, I sent her away and by and by fallowed her to the Exchange, and thence led her about down to the Three Cranes, and there took boat for the Falcon and at a house going into the fields there, took up and sat an hour or two talking and discoursing and faisant ce que je voudrais quant à la toucher; but she would not laiser me faire l’autre thing, though I did enough to faire grand plaisir à moy-même. Thence having endeavoured to make her think of making herself happy by staying out her time with her master, and other counsels; but she told me she could not do it, for it was her fortune to have this man, though she did believe it would be to her ruine - which is a strange stupid thing, to a fellow of no kind of worth in the world and a beggar to boot.

4th February 1664/65

At noon, being invited, I to the Sun behind the Change to dinner to my Lord Bellasses - where a great deal of discourse with him - and some good. Among other at table, he told us a very handsome passage of the King’s sending him his message about holding out the town of Newarke, of which he was then governor for the King. This message he sent in a Slugg=bullet, being writ in Cypher and wrapped up in lead and swallowed. So the messenger came to my Lord and told him he had a message from the King, but it was yet in his belly; so they did give him some physique, and out it came.

[The messenger “swallowed it in a billet and voided it twice”.]

19 February 1664/65

...at supper, hearing by accident of my mayds their letting in a rogueing Scotch woman that haunts the office, to help them to wash and scour in our house, and that very lately, I fell mightily out, and made my wife, to the disturbance of the house and neighbours, to beat our little girle; and then we shut her down into the cellar and there she lay all night. So we to bed.

20 February 1664/65

Thence to the office, and there found Bagwells wife, whom I directed to go home and I would do her business; which was to write a letter to my Lord Sandwich for her husband’s advance into a better ship as there should be occasion - which I did; and by and by did go down by water to Deptford-yard and then down further, and so landed at the lower end of the town; and it being dark, did privately entrer en la maison de la femme de Bagwell, and there I had sa compagnie, though with a great deal of difficulty; néanmoins, en fin je avais ma volonté d’elle, and being sated therewith, I walked home to Redriffe, it being now near nine a-clock; and there I did drink some strong waters and eat some bread and cheese, and so home...

21 February 1664/65

Up, and to the office (having a mighty pain in my forefinger of my left hand, from a strain that it received last night in struggling avec la femme que je mentioned yesterday), where busy till noon; and then my wife being busy in going with her woman to a hot-house to bathe herself, after her long being within doors in the dirt, so that she now pretends to a resolution of being hereafter very clean - how long it will hold I can guess...

What mad freaks the mayds of Honour at Court have - that Mrs. Jennings, one of the Duchesse’s maids, the other day dressed herself like an orange-wench and went up and down and cried oranges - till falling down, or by such accident (though in the evening), her fine shoes were discerned, and she put to a great deal of shame.

28 February 1664/65

Came home; I to the taking my wife’s kitchen accounts at the latter end of the month, and there find 7s. wanting - which did occasion a very high falling out between us; I endeed too eagerly insisting upon so poor a thing, and did give her very provoking words, calling her “beggar”* and reproaching her friends**; which she took very stomachfully, and reproached me justly with mine; and I confess, being myself, I cannot see what she could have done less. I find she is very cunning, and when she least shows it, hath her wit at work; but it is an ill one, though I think not so bad but with good usage I might well bear with it; and the truth is, I do find that my being over-solicitous and jealous and froward, and ready to reproach her, doth make her worse. However, I find that now and then a little difference do no hurt - but too much of it will make her know her force too much. We parted, after many high words, very angry; and I to my office to my month’s accounts, and find myself worth 1270l. for which the Lord God be praised.

* because she brought no dowry to their marriage
** “friends” in this context means relations

19 March 1664/65

Mr. Povy and I in his coach to Hide Parke, being the first day of the Tour there - where many brave ladies. Among others, Castlemayne lay impudently upon her back in her coach asleep with her mouth open. There was also my Lady Kerneeguy, once my Lady Anne Hambleton, that is said to have given the Duke a clap upon his first coming over.

6 April 1665

I also went to Jervas’s my barber, for my periwig that was mending there. And there do hear that Jane is quite undone - taking that idle fellow for her husband, yet not married, and lay with him several weeks that had another wife and child - and she is now going into Ireland.

12 April 1665

So home, vexed. And going to my Lady Battens, there found a great many women with her in her chamber, merry - my Lady Pen and her daughter, among others; where my Lady Pen flung me down upon the bed, and herself and others, one after another, upon me, and very merry we were; and thence I home and called my wife with my Lady Pen to supper, and very merry as I could be, being vexed as I was.

So home to bed.

17 April 1665

This day was left at my house a very neat Silver watch, by one Briggs, a Scrivener and Sollicitor; at which I was angry with my wife for receiving, or at least for opening the box wherein it was, and so far witnessing our receipt of it as to give the messenger 5s for bringing it. But it can’t be helped, and I will endeavour to do the man a kindness - he being a friend of my uncle Wights.

19th April 1665

...we to Gresham College - where we saw some experiments upon a hen, a dog, and a cat of the Florence poyson. The first it made for a time drunk, but it came to itself again quickly. The second it made vomitt mightily, but no other hurt. The third I did not stay to see the effect of it...

20 April 1665

At noon dined, and Mr. Povy by agreement with me (where his boldness with Mercer, poor innocent wench, did make both her and me blush to think how he were able to debauch a poor girl if he had opportunity) at a dish or two of plain meat of his own choice.

9 May 1665

And my wife’s painting-maister stayed and dined, and I take great pleasure in thinking that my wife will really come to something in that business.

13 May 1665

To the Change after office, and received my Wach from the watch-maker; and a very fine one it is - given me by Briggs the Scrivener...

But Lord, to see how much of my old folly and childishnesse hangs upon me still, that I cannot forbear carrying my watch in my hand in the coach all this afternoon, and seeing what a-clock it is 100 times. And am apt to think with myself: how could I be so long without one - though I remember since, I had one and found it a trouble, and resolved to carry one no more about me while I lived.

1 June 1665

I took coach and to Westminster-hall, where I took the fairest flower and by coach to Tothill-fields for the ayre, till it was dark. I light, and in with the fairest flower to eat a cake, and there did do as much as was safe with my flower, and that was enough on my part. Broke up, and away without any notice; and after delivering the rose where it should be, I to the Temple and light; and come to the middle door and there took another coach, and so home - to write letters; but very few, God knows, being (by my pleasure) made to forget everything that is. The coachman that carried us cannot know me again, nor the people at the house where we were.

7 June 1665

This day, much against my Will, I did in Drury-lane see two or three houses marked with a red cross upon the doors, and “Lord have mercy upon us” writ there - which was a sad sight to me, being the first of the kind that to my remembrance I ever saw. It put me into an ill conception of myself and my smell, so that I was forced to buy some roll=tobacco to smell to and chaw, which took away the apprehension.

11 June 1665

Lord’s day. Up, and expected long a new suit; but, coming not, dressed myself in my late new black silk camelot suit; and, when fully ready, comes my new one of Colour’d Farrinden, which my wife puts me out of love with; which vexes me, but I think it is only my not being used to wear Colours, which makes it look a little unusual upon me...

...I out of doors a little, to show forsooth my new suit, and back again

17 June 1665

It stroke me very deep this afternoon, going with a Hackney-coach from my Lord Treasurer’s down Holborne - the coachman I found to drive easily and easily; at last stood still, and came down hardly able to stand; and told me that he was suddenly stroke very sick and almost blind, he could not see. So I light and went into another coach, with a sad heart for the poor man and trouble for myself, lest he should have been stroke with the plague - being at that end of the town that I took him up. But God have mercy upon us all.

5 July 1665

...I by water to Woolwich, where I found my wife come and her two maids, and very prettily accommodated they will be. And I left them going to supper, grieved in my heart to part with my wife, being worse by much without her, though some trouble there is in having the care of a family at home in this plague time. And so took leave, and I in one boat and W. Hewer in another, home very late, first against tide - we having walked in the dark to Greenwich. Late home and to bed - very alonely.

27 July 1665

So despatched all my business, having assurance of continuance of all hearty love from Sir W. Coventry; and so we stayed and saw the King and Queene set out toward Salsbury - and after them, the Duke and Duchesse - whose hands I did kiss. And it was the first time I did ever or did see any body else kiss her hand; and it was a most fine white and fat hand. But it was pretty to see the young pretty ladies dressed like men; in velvet coats, caps with ribbands, and with laced bands just like men - only the Duchesse herself it did not become.

3 August 1665

And so after them, Mr. Marr telling me by the way how a maid-servant of Mr. John Wrights (who lives thereabouts), falling sick of the plague, she was removed to an out-house, and a nurse appointed to look to her - who, being once absent, the maid got out of the house at the window and run away. The nurse coming and knocking, and having no answer, believed she was dead, and went and told Mr. Wright so; who, and his lady, were in great strait what to do to get her buried. At last resolved to go to Burntwood hard by, being in the parish, and there get people to do it - but they would not; so he went home full of trouble, and in the way met the wench walking over the Common, which frighted him worse then before. And was forced to send people to take her; which he did, and they got one of the pest Coaches and put her into it to carry her to a pest-house. And passing in a narrow lane, Sir Anthony Browne, with his brother and some friends in the coach, met this coach with the Curtains drawn close. The brother being a young man, and believing there might be some lady in it that would not be seen, and the way being narrow, he thrust his head out of his own into her coach to look, and there saw somebody look very ill, and in a sick dress and stunk mightily; which the coachman also cried out upon. And presently they come up to some people that stood looking after it; and told our gallants that it was a maid of Mr. Wrights carried away sick of the plague - which put the young gentleman into a fright had almost cost him his life, but is now well again.

7 August 1665

They gone, comes Rayner the boatmaker about some business, and brings a piece of plate with him, which I refused to take of him; thinking endeed that the poor man hath no reason nor incouragement from our dealings with him to give any of us any presents. He gone, there comes Lewellin, about Mr. Deerings business of Planke, to have the contract perfected, and offers me twenty pieces in gold, as Deering had done some time since himself; but I both then and now refused it, resolving not to be bribed to dispatch business; but will have it done, however, out of hand forthwith. So he gone, I to supper and to bed.

10 August 1665

By and by to the office, where we sat all the morning, in great trouble to see the Bill this week rise so high, to above 4000 in all, and of them, above 3000 of the plague. And an odd story of Alderman Bences stumbling at night over a dead Corps in the street; and going home and telling his wife, she at the fright, being with child, falls sick and died of the plague. We sat late; and then by invitation My Lord Brounker, Sir J. Mennes, Sir W. Batten and I to Sir G. Smith’s to dinner, where very good company and good cheer. Captain Cocke was there, and Jacke Fenn - but to our great wonder, Alderman Bence; and tells us that not a word of all this is true, and others said so too. But by his own story, his wife hath been ill, and he fain to leave his house and comes not to her - which continued a trouble to me all the time I was there.

15 August 1665

Up by 4 a-clock and walked to Greenwich, where called at Captain Cockes and to his chamber, he being in bed - where something put my last night’s dream into my head, which I think is the best that ever was dreamed - which was, that I had my Lady Castlemayne in my armes, and was admitted to use all the dalliance I desired with her, and then dreamed that this could not be awake but that it was only a dream. But that since it was a dream and that I took so much real pleasure in it, what a happy thing it would be, if when we are in our graves (as Shakespeere resembles it), we could dream, and dream but such dreams as this - that then we should not need to be so fearful of death as we are this plague-time.

19 August 1665

I by water to Charing-cross, to the post-house; and there the people tell me they are shut up, and so I went to the new post-house and there got a guide and horses to Hounslow - where I was mightily taken with a little girl, the daughter of the maister of the House (Betty Gysby), which if she lives, will make a great beauty.

Here I met with a fine fellow, who, while I stayed for my horses, did enquire news; but I could not make him remember Bergen in Norway - in six or seven times telling - so ignorant he was.

So to Stanes, and there by this time it was dark night, and got a guide who lost his way in the forest, till by help of the Moone (which recompenses me for all the pains I ever took about studying of her motions) I led my guide into the way again back; and so we made a man rise that kept a gate, and so he carried us to Cranborne-

Where in the dark I perceive an old house new-building with a great deal of Rubbish, and was fain to go up a ladder to Sir G. Carteret’s chamber. And there in his bed I sat down and told him all my bad news, which troubled him mightily, but yet we were very merry and made the best of it; and being myself weary, did take leave, and after having spoken with Mr. Fen in bed - I to bed in my Lady’s chamber that she uses to lie in, and where the Duchesse of York that now is was born. So to sleep - being very well but weary, and the better by having carried with me a bottle of strong water - whereof now and then a sip did me good.

28 August 1665

Up, and being ready, I out to Mr. Colvill, the goldsmith’s, having not for some days been in the streets. But now, how few people I see, and those walking like people that had taken leave of the world.

1 September 1665

At the Duke of Albemarle I overheard some examinations of the late plot that is discoursed of, and a great deal of do there is about it. Among other discourses, I heard read, in the presence of the Duke, an examination and discourse of Sir Philip Howards with one of the plotting party - in many places these words being then said: Sir P. Howard, “if you will come over to the King and be faithful to him, you shall be maintained and be set up with a horse and armes and I know not what.” And then said such a one: “Yes, I will be true to the King.” “But, damn me!” said Sir Philip, “will you so and so?” And thus, I believe, twelve times Sir P. Howard answered him a “Damn me!” which was a fine way of Rhetorique to persuade a Quaker or anabaptist from his persuasion. And this was read, in the hearing of Sir P. Howard, before the Duke and twenty more officers, and they make sport of it only, without any reproach or he being anything ashamed of it. But it ended, I remember, at last: “But such a one (the plotter) did at last bid them remember that he had not told them what king he would be faithful to.”

4 September 1665

...walked home, my Lord Brouncker giving me a very neat Cane to walk with. But it troubled me to pass by Come Farme, where about 21 people have died of the plague - and three or four days since I saw a dead corpse in a Coffin lie in the close un-buryed - and a watch is constantly kept there, night and day, to keep the people in - the plague making us cruel as dogs one to another.

7 September 1665

He showed me a black boy that he had that died of a consumption; and being dead, he caused him to be dried in a Oven, and lies entire in a box.

10 September 1665

Among other humours, Mr. Eveling’s repeating of some verses made up of nothing but the various acceptations of May and Can, and doing it so aptly, upon occasion of something of that nature, and so fast, did make us all die almost with laughing, and did so stop the mouth of Sir J. Mennes in the middle of all his mirth (and in a thing agreeing with his own manner of Genius) that I never saw any man so out-done in all my life; and Sir J. Mennes’s mirth too, to see himself out-done, was the crown of all our mirth.

18 September 1665

A pretty passage was that the coach stood of a sudden, and the coachman come down, and the horses stirring, he cried “Hold!” which waked me; and the coachman standing at the boot to do something or other, and crying “Hold!,” I did wake of a sudden; and not knowing who he was nor thinking of the coachman, between sleeping and waking I did take up the heart to take him by the shoulder, thinking verily he had been a thief. But when I waked, I found my cowardly heart to discover a fear within me, and that I should never have done it if I had been awake.

20 September 1665

But Lord, what a sad time it is, to see no boats upon the River - and grass grow all up and down Whitehall-court - and nobody but poor wretches in the streets. And which is worst of all, the Duke showed us the number of the plague this week, brought in the last night from the Lord Mayor - that it is encreased about 600 more than the last, which is quite contrary to all our hopes and expectations from the coldness of the late season: for the whole general number is 8297; and of them, the plague 7165 - which is more in the whole, by above 50, then the biggest Bill yet - which is very grievous to us all.

1 October 1665

So after supper Captain Cocke and I and Temple on board the Bezan, and there to Cards for a while and then to read again in Rhodes and so to sleep. But Lord, the mirth which it caused me to be waked in the night by their Snoaring round about me - I did laugh till I was ready to burst, and waked one of the two companions of Temple, who could not a good while tell where he was, that he heard one laugh so, till he recollected himself and I told him what it was at; and so to sleep again, they still Snoaring.

2 October 1665

We having sailed all night (and I do wonder how they in the dark could find the way), we got by morning to Gillingham; and thence all walked to Chatham, and there with Commissioner Pett viewed the Yard; and among other things, a Teame of four horses came close by us, he being with me, drawing a piece of timber that I am confident one man would easily have carried upon his back; I made the horses be taken away and a man or two take the timber away with their hands. This the Commissioner did see, but said nothing; but I think had cause to be ashamed of.

5 October 1665

So I walked through Westminster to my old house, the Swan, and there did pass some time with Sarah; and so down by water to Deptford and there to my Valentine’s; round about and next door on every side is the plague, but I did not value it but there did what I would con elle; and so away to Mr. Evelings to discourse of our confounded business of prisoners and sick and wounded seamen, wherein he and we are so much put out of order.

[“my Valentine” was Mrs Bagwell.]

16 October 1665

Up, about seven a-clock; and after drinking, and I observing Mr. Povy’s being mightily mortifyed in his eating and drinking and coaches and horses (he desiring to sell his best) and every thing else, his furniture of his house - he walked with me to Syon; and there I took water, in our way he discoursing of the wantonness of the Court and how it minds nothing else. And I saying that that would leave the King shortly if he did not leave it, he told me “No,” for the King do spend most of his time in feeling and kissing them naked all over their bodies in bed – and contents himself, without doing the other thing but as he finds himself inclined; but this lechery will never leave him.

29 October 1665

Lords Day.

I was set down at Woolwich town’s-end and walked through the town in the dark, it being now night. But in the street did overtake and almost run upon two women, crying and carrying a man’s Coffin between them: I suppose the husband of one of them, which methinks is a sad thing.

30 October 1665

At noon to dinner, and after some discourse of music, he and I, I to the office awhile, and he to get Mr. Coleman, if he can, against night. By and by, I back again home, and there find him returned with Mr. Coleman (his wife being ill) and Mr. Laneare - with whom, with their Lute, we had excellent company and good singing till midnight, and a good supper I did give them. But Coleman’s voice is quite spoiled; and when he begins to be drunk, he is excellent company, but afterward, troublesome and impertinent. Laneare sings, in a melancholy method, very well, and a sober man he seems to be. They being gone, we to bed...

31 October 1665

I to the office, where Sir W. Batten met me and did tell me that Captain Cockes black was dead of the plague - which I had heard of before but took no notice. By and by Captain Cocke come to the office, and Sir W. Batten and I did send to him that he would either forbear the office or forbear going to his own office. However, meeting yesterday the Searchers with their rods in their hands coming from his house, I did overhear them say that the fellow did not die of the plague. But he had I know been ill a good while, and I am told that his boy Jacke is also ill.

1 November 1665

Lay very long in bed, discoursing with Mr. Hill of most things of a man’s life, and how little merit doth prevail in the world, but only favour - and that for myself, chance without merit brought me in, and that diligence only keeps me so, and will, living as I do among so many lazy people, that the diligent man becomes necessary, that they cannot do anything without him. And so told him of my late business of the victualling and what cares I am in to keep myself, having to do with people of so different factions at Court, and yet must be fair with them all - which was very pleasant discourse for me to tell, as well, as he seemed to take it, for him to hear.

4 November 1665

Here Sir W. Batten told us (which I had not heard before) that the last sitting-day his cloak was taken from Mingo, going home to dinner, and that he was beaten by the seamen, and swears he will come to Greenwich but no more to the office (till he can sit safe); after dinner, I to the office and there late. And much troubled to have 100 seamen all the afternoon there, swearing below and cursing us and breaking the glass windows; and swear they will pull the house down on Tuesday next. I sent word of this to Court, but nothing will help it but money and a rope.

5 November 1665

Lord’s day.

Up, and after being trimmed, by boate to the Cockepitt, where I heard the Duke of Albemarle’s chaplain make a simple sermon. Among other things, reproaching the imperfection of humane learning, he cried - “All our physicians can’t tell what an ague is, and all our Arithmetique is not able to number the days of a man”- which, God knows, is not the fault of arithmetique, but that our understandings reach not the thing...

Here comes in in the middle of our discourse, Captain Cocke, as drunk as a dog, but could stand, and talk and laugh. He did so joy himself in a brave woman that he had been with all the afternoon, and who should it be but my Lady Robinson. But very troublesome he is with his noise and talk, and laughing, though very pleasant.

With him in his coach to Mr. Glanvills, where he sat with Mrs. Penington and myself a good while, talking of this fine woman again, and then went away. Then the lady and I to very serious discourse; and among other things, of what a bonny lass my Lady Robinson is, who is reported to be kind to the prisoners, and hath said to Sir G. Smith, who is her great Chrony: “Look, there is a pretty man; I would be contented to break a commandment with him” - and such loose expressions she will have often.

After an hour’s talk, we to bed - the lady mightily troubled about a pretty little bitch she hath, which is very sick and will eat nothing. And the jest was, I could hear her in her chamber bemoaning the bitch; and by and by taking her into bed with her, the bitch pissed and shit abed, and she was fain to rise and had coals out of my chamber to dry the bed again.

7 November 1665

Up, and to Sir G. Carteret, and with him, he being very passionate to be gone, without staying a minute for breakfast, to the Duke of Albemarle; and I with him by water and with Fen. But among other things, Lord, to see how he wondered to see the river so empty of boats - nobody working at the Custome-house Keys. And how fearful he is, and vexed that his man, holding a wine-glass in his hand for him to drink out of, did cover his hands, it being a cold, windy, rainy morning, under the watermans Coate, though he brought the waterman from six or seven miles up the River too. Nay, he carried this glass with him for his man to let him drink out of at the Duke of Albemarle, where he intended to dine, though this he did to prevent sluttery; for, for the same reason he carried a napkin with him to Captain Cocke, making him believe that he should eat with foul linen.

13 November 1665

And so he and I to Glanvills, and there he and I sat talking and playing with Mrs. Penington, whom we found undressed in her smock and petticoats by the fireside; and there we drank and laughed, and she willingly suffered me to put my hand in her bosom very wantonly, and keep it there long - which methought was very strange, and I looked upon myself as a man mightily deceived in a lady, for I could not have thought she could have suffered it, by her former discourse with me - so modest she seemed and I know not what.

15 November 1665

After dinner, who comes in but my Lady Batten and a troop of a dozen women almost,;and expected, as I found afterward, to be made mighty much of, but nobody minded them. But the best Jest was, that when they saw themselves not regarded, they would go away; and it was horrible foul weather, and my Lady Batten walking through the dirty lane with new spick-and-span white shoes, she dropped one of her Galloshes in the dirt, where it stuck, and she forced to go home without one - at which she was horribly vexed, and I led her. And after vexing her a little more in mirth, I parted...

16 November 1665

So I on board my Lord Bruncker, and there he and Sir Edmd Pooly carried me down into the Hold of the India Shipp, and there did show me the greatest wealth lie in confusion that a man can see in the world - pepper scattered through every chink, you trod upon it; and in cloves and nutmegs, I walked above the knees - whole rooms full - and silk in bales, and boxes of Copper-plate, one of which I saw opened.

5 December

...to London, to look for Captain Kingdon, whom we found at home about 5 a-clock. I wooed him, and he promised to fallow us presently to the East India-house to sign papers tonight, in order to the settling the business of my receiving money for Tanger. We went and stopped the officers there to shut up. He made us stay above an hour. I sent for him; he comes, but was not found at home, but abroad on other business - and brings a paper saying that he had been this hour looking for the Lord Ashlys order. When he looks for it, that is not the paper - he would go again to look; kept us waiting till almost 8 at night. Then was I to go home by water this weather and dark, and to write letters by the post - besides keeping the East India officers there so late. I sent for him again; at last he comes and says he cannot find the paper (which is a pretty thing, to lay orders for 100000l. no better); I was angry; he told me I ought to give people ease at night, and all business was to be done by day. I answered him sharply, that I did not make, nor any honest man, any difference between night and day in the King’s business, and this was such - and my Lord Ashly should know; he answered me short; I told him I knew the time (meaning the Rump’s time) when he did other men’s business with more diligence. He cried, “Nay, say not so,” and stopped his mouth, not one word after. We then did our business without the order in less than eight minutes, which he made me, to no purpose, stay above two hours for the doing. This made him mad; and so we exchanged notes, and I had notes for 14000l. of the Treasurer of the Company; and so away and by water to Greenwich and wrote my letters, and so home late to bed.

6 December 1665

I spent the afternoon upon a song of Solyman’s words to Roxolana that I have set; and so with my wife walked, and Mercer, to Mrs. Pierces, where Captain Rolt and Mrs. Knipp, Mr. Coleman and his wife, and Laneare, Mrs. Worship, and her singing daughter met; and by and by unexpectedly comes Mr. Pierce from Oxford. Here the best company for musique I ever was in in my life, and wish I could live and die in it, both for music and the face of Mrs. Pierce, and my wife and Knipp, who is pretty enough, but the most excellent, mad- humourd thing; and sings the noblest that ever I heard in my life, and Rolt with her, some things together most excellently - I spent the night in ectasy almost...

16 December 1665

Thence back, landing at the Old Swan and taking boat again at Billingsgate and setting ashore at home; and I, lying down close in my boat, and there, without use of my hand, had great pleasure, and the first time I did make trial of it complete avec la fille que I did see au-jour-dhuy in Westminster hall.

25 December 1665

Christmas Day. To church in the morning, and there saw a wedding in the church, which I have not seen many a day, and the young people so merry one with another; and strange, to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition, every man and wife gazing and smiling at them.

20 January 1665/66

To the office, where upon Mr. Kinaston’s coming to me about some business of Collonell Norwood’s, I sent my boy home for some papers; where, he staying longer then I would have him and being vexed at the business and to be kept from my fellows in the office longer than was fit, I become angry and boxed my boy when he came, that I do hurt my Thumb so much, that I was not able to stir all the day after and in great pain.

24 January 1665/66

...and my Lord and I, the wind being again very furious, so as we durst not go by water, walked to London quite round the Bridge, no boat being able to Stirre; and Lord, what a dirty walk we had, and so strong the wind, that in the fields we many times could not carry our bodies against it, but was driven backwards... It was dangerous to walk the streets, the bricks and tiles falling from the houses, that the whole streets were covered with them - and whole chimneys, nay, whole houses in two or three places, blowed down. But above all, the pales on London-bridge on both sides were blown away, so that we were fain to stoop very low, for fear of blowing off of the bridge. We could see no boats in the Thames afloat but what were broke loose and carried through the bridge, it being ebbing water. And the greatest sight of all was, among other parcels of ships driven here and there in clusters together, one was quite overset, and lay with her masts all along in the water, and keel above water.

26 January 1665/66

Up, and pleased mightily with what my poor wife hath been doing these eight or ten days with her own hands, like a drudge, in fitting the new hangings of our bed-chamber of blue, and putting the old red ones into my dressing-room.

28 January 1665/66

At Branford I light, having need to shit; and went into an Inne doore that stood open, found the house of office, and used it, but saw no people: only after I was in the house, heard a great dog bark and so was afeared how I should get safe back again, and therefore drew my sword and scabbard out of my belt to have ready in my hand - but did not need to use it, but got safe into the coach again. But lost my belt by that shift, not missing it till I came to Hampton Court.

30 January 1665/66

This is the first time I have been in this church since I left London for the plague; and it frighted me indeed to go through the church, more than I thought it could have done, to see so many graves lie so high upon the churchyard, where people have been buried of the plague. I was much troubled at it, and do not think to go through it again a good while.

7 February 1665/66

It being fast-day, I stayed at home all day long to set things to rights in my chamber, by taking out all my books and putting my chamber in the same condition it was before the plague. But in the morning, doing of it and knocking up a nail, I did bruise my left thumb, so as broke a great deal of my flesh off, that it hung by a little. It was a sight frighted my wife - but I put some balsam of Mrs. Turners to it, and though in great pain, yet went on with my business; and did it to my full content, setting every thing in order, in hopes now that the worst of our fears are over as to the plague for the next year.

12 February 1665/66

Then comes Mr. Cæsar, my boy’s lute-master, whom I have not seen since the plague before, but he hath been in Westminster all this while very well - and tells me how, in the height of it, how bold people there were to go in sport to one another’s burials. And in spite to well people, would breathe in the faces (out of their windows) of well people going by.

16 March 1665/66

...I to make good my Journal for two or three days, and begun it, till I came to the other side, where I have scratched so much, for, for want of sleep, I begun to write idle and from the purpose – so forced to break off, and to bed.

17 March 1665/66

This day I begun to sit, and he will make me, I think, a very fine picture. He promises it shall be as good as my wife’s, and I sit to have it full of shadows, and do almost break my neck looking over my shoulder to make the posture for him to work by.

19 March 1665/66

Here we dined, and Sir J. Minnes came to us - and after dinner we walked to the King’s play-house, all in dirt, they being altering of the Stage to make it wider - but God knows when they will begin to act again. But my business here was to see the inside of the Stage and all the tiring roomes and Machines; and endeed it was a sight worthy seeing. But to see their clothes and the various sorts, and what a mixture of things there was, here a wooden leg, there a ruff, here a hobby-horse, there a Crowne, would make a man split himself to see with laughing - and perticularly Lacys wardrobe, and Shotrell’s. But then again, to think how fine they show on the stage by candle-light, and how poor things they are to look now too near hand, is not pleasant at all. The Machines are fine, and the paintings very pretty.

2 April 1666

There, walking with Mr. Gawden in Westminster-hall, he and I to talk from one business to another, and at last to the marriage of his daughter; he told me the story of Creeds pretences to his daughter, and how he would not believe but she loved him, while his daughter was in great passion on the other hand against him. Thence to talk of his son Benj; and I proposed a match for him, and at last named my sister, which he imbraces heartily; and speaking of the lowness of her portion, that it would be less then 1000l, he tells me, if every thing else agrees, he will, out of what he means to give me yearly, make a portion for her shall cost me nothing more than I intend freely. This did mightily rejoice me; and, full of it, did go with him to London to the Change and there did much business, and at the Coffee-house with Sir W. Warren - who very wisely did show me that my matching my sister with Mr. Gawden would undo me in all my places, everybody suspecting me in all I do, and I shall neither be able to serve him nor free myself from imputation of being of his faction, while I am placed for his severest check. I was convinced that it would be for neither of our interests to make this alliance, and so am quite off of it again; but with great satisfaction in the motion.

17 April 1666

But Lord, what a conflict I had with myself, my heart tempting me a thousand times to go abroad about some pleasure or other, notwithstanding the weather foul. However, I reproached myself with my weakness in yielding so much my judgment to my sense, and prevailed with difficulty; and did not budge, but stayed within and to my great content did a great deal of business; and so home to supper and to bed.

20 April 1666

Up, and after an hour or two’s talk with my poor wife, who gives me more and more content every day then other, I abroad by coach to Westminster; and there met with Mrs. Martin, and she and I over the water to Stangate; and after a walk in the fields, to the King’s-head and there spent an hour or two with pleasure with her, and eat a tansy and so parted.

30 April 1666

...at night home and up to the leads; but were, contrary to expectation, driven down again with a stink by Sir W. Pen’s emptying of a shitten pot in their house of office close by; which doth trouble me, for fear it do hereafter annoy me.

8 May 1666

After dinner to the office again; and thither comes Mr. Downing the Anchor-smith, who had given me 50 pieces in gold the last month to speak for him to Sir W. Coventry for his being smith at Deptford. But after I had got it granted him, he finds himself not fit to go on with it, so lets it fall - so has no benefit of my motion; I therefore in honour and conscience took him home, and though much to my grief, did yet willingly and forcibly force him to take it again, the poor man having no mind to have it. However, I made him take it, and away he went; and I glad I had given him so much cause to speak well of me.

9 May 1666

Thence with them to Cornehill to call and choose a chimney-piece for Pierces closet; and so home, where my wife in mighty pain, and mightily vexed at my being abroad with these women - and when they were gone, called them whores and I know not what; which vexed me, having been so innocent with them. So I with them to Mrs. Turner’s and there sat with them a while; anon my wife sends for me; I come, and what was it but to scold at me, and she would go abroad to take the ayre presently, that she would. So I left my company and went with her to Bow, but was vexed and spoke not one word to her all the way, going nor coming - or being come home; but went up straight to bed. Half an hour after (she in the coach leaning on me as being desirous to be friends), she comes up, mighty sick with a fit of the Cholique and in mighty pain, and calls for me out of the bed; I rose and held her; she prays me to forgive her, and in mighty pain we put her to bed - where the pain ceased by and by; and so had some sparagus to our beds-side for supper, and very kindly afterward to sleep, and good friends in the morning.

12 May 1666

At noon home, where I find my wife troubled still at my checking her last night in the coach in her long stories out of Grand Cyrus, which she would tell, though nothing to the purpose nor in any good manner. This she took unkindly, and I think I was to blame endeed - but she doth find, with reason, that in the company of Pierce - Knipp - or other women that I love, I do not value her, or mind her as I ought. However, very good friends by and by, and to dinner, and after dinner up to the putting our dining-room in order, which will be clean again anon, but not as it is to be, because of the pictures, which are not come home.

3 June 1666 Lord’s Day <Whitsunday>

And thence to the Abbey, and so to Mrs. Martin and there did what je voudrais avec her, both devante and backward, which is also muy bon plazer.

13 June 1666

Thence with mighty content homeward; and in my way, at the Stockes did buy a couple of lobsters, and so home to dinner. Where I find my wife and father had dined, and were going out to Hales’s to sit there. So Balty and I alone to dinner; and in the middle of my grace, praying for a blessing upon (these his good creatures), my mind fell upon my Lobsters - upon which I cried, “Cuds zookes!” And Balty looked upon me like a man at a loss what I meant, thinking at first that I meant only that I had said the grace after meat, instead of that before meat; but then I cried, “What is become of my lobsters?”, whereupon he run out of doors to overtake the coach, but could not, and so came back again, and mighty merry at dinner to think of my Surprize.

18 June 1666

Thence to my Lord Bellasyse, by invitation, and there dined with him and his lady and daughter; and at dinner there played to us a young boy lately come from France, where he had been learning a year or two on the viallin, and plays finely. But impartially, I do not find any goodness in their ayres (though very good) beyond ours, when played by the same hand; I observed in several of Baptiste’s (the present great composer) and our Bannisters. But it was pretty to see how passionately my Lord’s daughter loves music, the most that ever I saw creature in my life.

19 June 1666

Thence home, and at my business till late at night; then with my wife into the garden, and there sang with Mercer - whom I feel myself beginning to love too much, by handling of her breasts in a morning when she dresses me, they being the finest that ever I saw in my life; that is the truth of it. So home, and to supper with beans and bacon, and to bed.

10 July 1666

At noon home to dinner, and then to the office, the yard being very full of women (I believe above 300) coming to get money for their husbands and friends that are prisoners in Holland; and they lay clamouring and swearing, and cursing us, that my wife and I were afeard to send a venison-pasty that we have for supper tonight to the cook’s to be baked, for fear of their offering violence to it - but it went, and no hurt done. Then I took an opportunity, when they were all gone into the fore=yard, and slipped into the office and there busy all the afternoon. But by and by the women got into the garden, and come all to my closet window and there tormented me; and I confess, their cries were so sad for money, and laying down the condition of their families and their husbands, and what they have done and suffered for the King, and how ill they are used by us, and how well the Dutch are used here by the allowance of their masters, and what their husbands are offered to serve the Dutch abroad, that I do most heartily pity them, and was ready to cry to hear them - but cannot help them; however, when the rest was gone, I did call one to me that I heard complain only and pity her husband, and did give her some money; and she blessed me and went away.

26 July 1666

Thence with my wife and Mercer to my Lord Chancellors new house, and there carried them up to the Leads - where I find my Lord Chamberlaine, Lauderdale, Sir Rob. Murray, and others. And do find it the most delightful place for prospect that ever was in the world, it even ravishing me; and that is all, in short, I can say of it.

28 July 1666

Being come thither, we went to my Lord Lauderdale’s house to speak with him about getting a man at Leith to join with one we imploy to buy some prize-goods for the King. We find him and his lady and some Scotch people at supper - pretty odd company; though my Lord Brouncker tells me, my Lord Lauderdale is a man of mighty good reason and judgement. But at supper there played one of their servants upon the viallin, some Scotch tunes only – several - and the best of their country, as they seemed to esteem them by their praising and admiring them: but Lord, the strangest ayre that ever I heard in my life, and all of one cast. But strange to hear my Lord Lauderdale say himself, that he had rather hear a Catt mew then the best Musique in the world - and the better the music, the more sick it makes him. And that of all instruments, he hates the lute most; and next to that, the Baggpipe.

1 August 1666

...after dinner to Mrs. Martins and there find Mrs. Burroughs, and by and by comes a pretty widow, one Mrs. Eastwood, and one Mrs. Fenton, a maid. And here merry, kissing and looking on their breasts, and all the innocent pleasure in the world. But Lord, to see the dissembling of this widow; how upon the singing of a certain Jigg by Doll, Mrs. Martin’s sister, she seemed to be sick and fainted and God knows what, because the Jigg which her husband (who died this last sickness) loved. But by and by I made her as merry as is possible, and tossed and tumbled her as I pleased, and then carried her and her sober pretty kinswoman, Mrs. Fenton, home to their lodging in the new market of my Lord Treasurers, and there left them.

14 August 1666 Thanksgiving day

And after dinner with my wife and Mercer to the Beare=garden, where I have not been I think of many years, and saw some good sport of the bull’s tossing of the dogs - one into the very boxes. But it is a very rude and nasty pleasure. We had a great many hectors in the same box with us (and one, very fine, went into the pit and played his dog for a wager, which was a strange sport for a gentleman), where they drank wine, and drank Mercer’s health first, which I pledged with my hat off.

And then about nine o’clock to Mrs. Mercers gate, where the fire and boys expected us and her son had provided abundance of Serpents and rockets; and there mighty merry (my Lady Pen and Pegg going thither with us and Nan Wright) till about twelve at night, flinging our fireworks and burning one another and the people over the way. And at last our businesses being most spent, - we into Mrs. Mercers, and there mighty merry, smutting one another with Candlegresee and soot, till most of us were like devils; and that being done, then we broke up and to my house, and there I made them drink; and upstairs we went, and then fell into dancing (W. Batelier dancing well), and dressing, him and I and one Mr. Banister (who with his wife came over also with us) like women; and Mercer put on a suit of Toms, like a boy, and mighty mirth we had, and Mercer danced a Jigg, and Nan Wright and my wife and Pegg Pen put on perriwigs. Thus we spent till 3 or 4 in the morning, mighty merry; and then parted and to bed.

17 August 1666

And among other things, he tells me how the King of Syam seldom goes out without 30 or 40000 people with him, and not a word spoke nor a hum or cough in the whole company to be heard. He tells me the punishment frequently there for malefactors is cutting off the Crowne of their head, which they do very dexterously, leaving their brains bare, which kills them presently. He told me, what I remember he hath once done heretofore - that everybody is to lie flat down at the coming by of the King, and nobody to look upon him, upon pain of death. And that he and his fellows, being strangers, were invited to see the sport of taking of a wild Eliphant. And they did only kneel and look toward the King. Their Druggerman did desire them to fall down, for otherwise he should suffer for their contempt of the King. The sport being ended, a messenger comes from the King, which the Druggerman thought had been to have taken away his life. But it was to enquire how the strangers liked the sport. The Druggerman answered that they did cry it up to be the best that ever they saw, and that they never heard of any prince so great in every thing as this King. The messenger being gone back, Erwin and his company asked their Druggerman what he had said, which he told them. “But why,” say they, “would you say that without our leave, it being not true?” “It is no matter for that,” says he, “I must have said it, or have been hanged, for our King doth not live by meat, nor drink, but by having great lyes told him.”

21 August 1666

So home and late at the office; and then home and there found Mr. Batelier and his sister Mary, and we sat chatting a great while, talking of Wiches and Spirits; and he told me of his own knowledge, being with some others at Bourdeaux, making a bargain with another man at a taverne for some Claretts, they did hire a fellow to thunder (which he had the art of doing upon a deale board) and to rain and hail; that is, make the noise of - so as did give them a pretence of undervaluing their Merchants wines, by saying this thunder would spoil and turn them - which was so reasonable to the Merchant that he did abate two pistolls per Ton for the wine, in belief of that - whereas, going out, there was no such thing. This Batelier did see and was the cause of to his profit, as is above said

.

2 September 1666
The Great Fire of London

Rather than me pick out excerpts from this most famous section of Pepys’ diary, I recommend you to read the whole account, starting here: https://www.pepysdiary.com/diary/1666/09/02/

15 September 1666

...home to bed and find, to my infinite joy, many rooms clean, and myself and wife lie in our own chamber again. But much terrified in the nights nowadays, with dreams of fire and falling down of houses.

19 September

Thence to White-hall with Sir W. Batten and Sir W. Pen, to Wilkes’s; and there did hear the many profane stories of Sir Henry Wood - damning the parsons for spending so much wine at the sacrament, cursing that ever they took the cup to themselves; and then another story, that he valued not all the world’s curses, for, for twopence he shall get at any time the prayers of some poor body, that is worth a thousand of all their curses. Lord Norwich drawing a Tooth at a health. Another time, he and pinchbacke and Dr. Goffe, now a religious man, Pinchbacke did begin a frolic of drinking out of a glass, with a toad in it that he had taken up going out to shit - he did it without harm. Goffe, who knew Sacke would kill the toad, called for sack. And when he saw it dead, says he, “I will have a quick toad; I will not drink from a dead toad;” by that means, no other being to be found, he escaped the health.

7 October 1666

I made my brother in his Cassocke to say grace this day, but I like his voice so ill, that I begin to be sorry he hath taken this order upon him.

30 October 1666

At night home to supper and singing with my wife, who hath lately begun to learn, and I think will come to do something, though her ear is not good, nor I, I confess, have patience enough to teach her, or hear her sing now and then a note out of tune, and am to blame that I cannot bear with that in her which is fit I should do with her as a learner, and one that I desire much could sing, and so should encourage her. This I was troubled at, for I do find that I put her out of heart and make her fearful to sing before me.

2 November 1666

He, and I also, did buy some apples and pork; by the same token, the Bucher commended it as the best in England for Cloath and Colour - and for his beef, says he, “Look how fat it is; the lean appears only here and there a speck, like Beauty=spots.”

I up into the House, and among other things walked a good while with the Serjeant Trumpet, who tells me, as I wished, that the King’s Italian here is about setting three parts for Trumpets and shall teach some to sound them, and believes they will be admirable Musique.

9 November 1666

But above all, there comes in the Dumb boy that I knew in Olivers time, who is mightily acquainted here and with Downing; and he made strange signs of the fire, and how the King was abroad, and many things they understood but I could not - which I wondering at, and discoursing with Downing about it, “Why,” says he, “it is only a little use, and you will understand him and make him understand you with as much ease as may be.” So I prayed him to tell him that I was afeard that my coach would be gone, and that he should go down and steal one of the seats out of the coach and keep it, and that would make the coachman to stay. He did this, so that the dumb boy did go down, and like a cunning rogue went into the coach, pretending to sleep; and by and by fell to his work, but finds the seats nailed to the coach; so he did all he could, but could not do it; however, stayed there and stayed the coach, till the coachman’s patience was quite spent, and beat the Dumb boy by force, and so went away. So the Dumb boy came up and told him all the story, which they below did see all that passed and knew it to be true.

We got well home; and in the way I did con mi mano tocar la jambe de Mercer sa chair. Elle retirait sa jambe modestement, but I did tocar sa peau with my naked hand. And the truth is, la fille hath something that is assez jolie.

10 November 1666

Mr. Temples wife after dinner fell to play on the Harpsicon, till she tired everybody, that I left the house without taking leave, and no creature left standing by her to hear her.

11 November 1666 Lords day.

Here at church (God forgive me), my mind did courir upon Betty Michell, so that I do hazer con mi cosa in la eglisa même.

f12 November 1666

This afternoon, going towards Westminster, Creed and I did step in (the Duke of York being just going away from seeing of it) at Pauls, and in the Convocation-house yard did there see the body of Robt. Braybrooke, Bishop of London, that died 1404. He fell down in his tomb out of the great church into St. Fayths this late Fire, and is here seen his Skeleton with the flesh on; but all tough and dry like a spongy dry leather or Touchwood all upon his bones. His head turned aside. A great man in his time, and Lord Chancellor - and now exposed to be handled and derided by some, though admired for its duration by others. Many flocking to see it.

14 November 1666

Here Dr. Croone told me that at the meeting at Gresham College tonight (which, it seems,they now have every Wednesday again) there was a pretty experiment, of the blood of one Dogg let out (till he died) into the body of another on one side, while all his own run out on the other side. The first died upon the place, and the other very well, and likely to do well. This did give occasion to many pretty wishes, as of the blood of a Quaker to be let into an Archbishop, and such like. But, as Dr. Croone says, may if it takes be of mighty use to man’s health, for the amending of bad blood by borrowing from a better body.

22 November 1666

At noon home to dinner, where my wife and I fell out, I being displeased with her cutting away a lace hankercher so wide about the neck, down to her breasts almost, out of a belief, but without reason, that it is the fashion. Here we did give one another the lie too much, but were presently friends, and then I to my office...

1 December 1666

At home to dinner, and then abroad, walking to the Old Swan, and in my way did see a cellar in Tower streete in a very fresh Fire, the late great winds having blown it up; it seemed to be only of Loggwood, that hath kept the fire all this while in it.

2 December 1666

...and then my own company again took coach; and no sooner in the coach but something broke, that we were fain there to stay till a smith could be fetched, which was above an hour, and then it costing me 6s. to mend. Away round by the wall and Cow Lane, for fear it should break again, and in pain about the coach all the way. But to ease myself therein Betty Michell did sit at the same end with me; and there con su mano under my manteaux, I did pull off her cheirotheca and did tocar mi cosa con su mano through my chemise, but yet so as to hazer me hazer la grande cosa – and she did let me hazerle sin mucho trabaho. Being very much pleased with this, we at last come home, and so to supper, and then sent them by boat home, and we to bed.

7 December 1666

...and so home to dinner, where finding the cloth laid, and much crumpled but clean, I grew angry and flung the trenchers about the room, and in a mighty heat I was; so a clean cloth was laid, and my poor wife very patient; and so to dinner, and in comes Mrs. Barbara Shelden, now Mrs. Wood, and dined with us. She mighty fine - and lives, I perceive, mighty happily; which I am glad for her sake, but hate her husband for a block-head in his choice.

8 December 1666

Mr. Pierce did also tell me as a great truth, as being told it by Mr. Cowly, who was by, and heard it - that Tom Killigrew should publicly tell the King that his matters were coming into a very ill state, but that yet there was a way to help all - which is, says he, “There is a good honest able man that I could name, that if your Majesty would imploy and command to see all things well executed, all things would soon be mended; and this is one Charles Stuart - who now spends his time in imploying his lips and his prick about the Court, and hath no other imployment. But if you would give him this imployment, he were the fittest man in the world to perform it.” This he says is most true.
     But the King do not profit by any of this, but lays all aside and remembers nothing, but to his pleasures again - which is a sorrowful consideration.

18 December 1666

I to see Mrs. Martin, who is very well, and intends to go abroad tomorrow after her childbed. She doth tell me that this child did come la même jour that it ought to hazer after my avoir éteé con elle before her marido did venir home. And she would now have done anything cum ego; and did endeavor, but su cosa stave mala, which did empescar.

19 December 1666

Then to talk of the King’s family: he says many of the Musique are ready to starve, they being five years behindhand for their wages. Nay, Evans, the famous man upon the Harp, having not his equal in the world, did the other day die for mere want, and was fain to be buried at the almes of the parish - and carried to his grave in the dark at night without one Linke, but that Mr. Hingston met it by chance, and did give 12d. to buy two or three links. He says all must come to ruin at this rate, and I believe him.

Thence I up to the Lords’ House to enquire for Lord Bellasses; and there hear how at a conference this morning between the two Houses, about the business of the Canary Company - my Lord Buckingham leaning rudely over my Lord Marquis of Dorchester, my Lord Dorchester removed his elbow. Duke of Buckingham asked whether he was uneasy. Dorchester replied, "Yes", and that he durst not do this, were he anywhere else. Buckingham replied, yes he would, and that he was a better man then himself. Dorchester answered that he lyed. With this Buckingham struck off his hat, and took him by his periwigg, and pulled it a-t’other-side, and held him. My Lord Chamberlain and others interposed. And upon coming into the House, the Lords did order them both to the Tower, whither they are to go this afternoon…
This day’s work will bring the Lieutenant of the Tower 350l.

27 December 1666

Up, and called up by the King’s trumpets, which cost me 10s.

This day a house or two was blown up with powder in the Minorys, and several people spoiled, and many dug out from under the rubbish.

22 January 1666/67

Up, and there come to me Darnell the Fidler, one of the Duke’s house, and brought me a set of lessons, all three parts. I heard them played to the Duke of York this Christmas at his lodgings, and bid him get me them. I did give him a Crowne for them - and did enquire after the music of The Siege of Rhodes, which, he tells me he can get me, which I am mighty glad of.

At noon to dinner; and there comes a letter from Mrs. Pierce, telling me she will come and dine with us on Thursday next with some of the players, Knipp, &c., which I was glad of but my wife vexed, which vexed me but I seemed merry, but know not how to order the matter whether they shall come or no.

23 January 1666/67

Having done there, I to St. James’s, to see the Organ Mrs. Turner told me of the other night, of my late Lord Aubigny’s; and I took my Lord Brouncker with me, he being acquainted with my present Lord Almoner, Mr. Howard, brother to the Duke of Norfolke. So he and I thither and did see the Organ; but I do not like it, it being but a bawble, with a virginall joining to it - so I shall not meddle with it. Here we sat and talked with him a good while, and he seems a good-natured gentleman. Here I observed the Deske which he hath to remove, and is fastened to one of the armes of his Chayre. I do also observe the counterfeit windows there was in the form of Doores with Looking glasses instead of windows, which makes the room seem both bigger and lighter I think; and I have some thoughts to have the like in one of my rooms.

24 January 1666/67

We being rose and I ending my letters and getting the office swept and a good fire made and abundance of candles lighted, I home, where most of my company come of this end of the town - Mercer and her sister - Mr. Batelier and Pembleton - (my Ladies Pen, and Pegg, and Mr. Lowder; but did not stay long, and I believe it was by Sir W. Pen’s order, for they had a great mind to have stayed) and also Captain Rolt; and anon, at about 7 or 8 a-clock comes Mr. Harris, of the Duke’s playhouse, and brings Mrs. Pierce with him, and also one dressed like a country-maid, with a straw hatt on, which, at first I could not tell who it was, though I expected Knipp - but it was she, coming off the stage just as she acted this day in The Goblins - a merry jade. Now my house is full, and four fiddlers that play well. Harris I first took to my closet; and I find him a very curious and understanding person in all, pictures and other things - and a man of fine conversation. And so is Rolt. So away with all my company down to the office, and there fell to dancing and continued at it an hour or two - there coming Mrs. Anne Jones, a merchant’s daughter hard by, who dances well. And all in mighty good humour; and danced with great pleasure, and then sung, and then danced, and then sung many things of three voices, both Harris and Rolt singing their parts excellently. Among other things, Harris sung his Irish song, the strangest in itself and the prettiest sung by him, that ever I heard. Then to supper in the office, a cold good supper and wondrous merry. Here was Mrs. Turner also; but the poor woman, sad about her lodgings - and Mrs. Markham. After supper to dancing again and singing, and so continued till almost 3 in the morning, and then with extraordinary pleasure broke up; only, towards morning Knipp fell a little ill, and so my wife home with her to put her to bed, and we continued dancing - and singing; and among other things, our Mercer unexpectedly did happen to sing an Italian song I knew not, of which they two sung the other two parts too, that did almost ravish me and made me in love with her more than ever with her singing. As late as it was, yet Rolt and Harris would go home tonight, and walked it, though I had a bed for them; and it proved dark, and a misly night - and very windy. The company being all gone to their homes, I up with Mrs. Pierce to Knipp, who was in bed; and we waked her and there I handled her breasts and did baiser la, and sing a song, lying by her on the bed; and then left my wife to see Mrs. Pierce in bed with her in our best chamber, and so to bed myself - my mind mightily satisfied with all this evening’s work, and thinking it to be one of the merriest enjoyments I must look for in the world, and did content myself therefore with the thoughts of it, and so to bed. Only the Musique did not please me, they not being contented with less than 30s.

26 January 1666/67

Sat all the morning - where among other things, I did the first unkind thing that ever I did design to Sir W. Warren. But I did it now to some purpose, to make him sensible how little any friendship shall avail him if he wants mine. I perceive he do nowadays court much my Lord Brouncker’s favour, who never did any man much courtesy at the Board, nor ever will be able - at least, so much as myself. Besides, my Lord would do him a kindness in concurrence with me; but he would have the danger of the thing to be done lie upon me, if there be any danger in it (in drawing up a letter to Sir W. Warren’s advantage); which I do not like, nor will endure. I was, I confess, very angry, and will venture the loss of Sir W. Warren’s kindnesses rather then he shall have any man’s friendship in greater esteem than mine.

27 January 1666/67

I thence to Sir Ph. Warwicke, by appointment, to meet Lord Bellasses; and up to his chamber, but find him unwilling to discourse of business on Sundays; so did not enlarge, but took leave and went down and sat in a low room, reading Erasmus de scribendis Epistolis, a very good book; especially, one letter of advice to a Courtier most true and good - which made me once resolve to tear out the two leaves that it was writ in - but I forebore it.

He had a desire and I showed him my Lady Castlemayne, whom he approves to be very handsome, and wonders that she cannot be as good within as she is fair without. Her little black* boy came by him; and, a dog being in his way, the little boy called to the dog: “Pox of this dog!” “Now,” says he, blessing himself, “would I whip this child till the blood came if it were my child!” - and I believe he would.

*BLACK (adj.): brunette, dark in hair or complexion

7 February 1666/67

Lay long with pleasure with my wife; and then up and to the office, where all the morning; and then home to dinner, and before dinner I went into my green dining room; and there talking with my brother upon matters relating to his Journey to Brampton tomorrow and giving him good counsel about spending that time which he shall stay in the country with my father, I looking another way, heard him fall down, and turned my head and he was fallen down all along upon the ground, dead - which did put me into a great fright; and to see my brotherly love, I did presently lift him up from the ground, he being as pale as death. And being upon his legs, he did presently come to himself, and said he had something come into his stomach very hot; he knew not what it was, nor ever had such a fit before. I never was so frighted but once, when my wife was ill at Ware upon the road. And I did continue trembling a good while and ready to weep to see him, he continuing mighty pale all dinner, and melancholy, that I was loth to let him take his journey tomorrow. But begun to be pretty well; and after dinner my wife and Barker fell to singing, which pleased me pretty well, my wife taking mighty pains and pride that she shall come to trill; and endeed, I think she will. So to the office and there all the afternoon late doing business; and then home and find my brother pretty well.

8 February 1666/67

At dinner we talked much of Cromwell, all saying he was a brave fellow and did owe his Crowne he got to himself as much as any man that ever got one.

10 February 1666/67

Lord’s day. Up and with my wife to church, where Mr. Mills made an unnecessary sermon upon Original Sin, neither understood by himself nor the people.

We had much talk of all our old acquaintance of the College, concerning their various fortunes; wherein, to my joy, I met not with any that have sped better than myself.

11 February 1666/67

I home by water, calling at Michell’s and giving him a fair occasion to send his wife to the New Exchange to meet my wife and me this afternoon. So home to dinner... ...set me down at the New Exchange, where I stayed at Pottle’s shop till B. Michell came, which she did about 5 a-clock, and was surprised not to trover mi moher there. But I did make an excuse good enough, and so I took ella down and over the way to the cabinet-makers, and there bought a dressing-box for her for 20s, but would require an hour’s time to make fit. This I was glad of, thinking to have got ella to andar to a casa de biber; but ella would not, so I did not much press it but suffered ella to andar a la casa de uno de sos hermanos, and I passed my time walking up and down; and among other places, to one Drumbelby, a maker of flageletts. He not within. My design to bespeak a pair of flagelettes of the same tune. Ordered him to come to me in a day or two, and so I back to the Cabinet-makers and there stayed; and by and by Betty comes, and here we stayed in the shop and above, seeing the workmen work; which was pretty, and some exceeding good work and very pleasant to see them do it - till it was late, quite dark. And the mistress of the shop took us into the kitchen and there talked and used us very prettily; and took her for my wife, which I owned and her big belly; and there very merry till my thing done, and then took coach and home, in my way tomando su mano and putting it where I used to do; which ella did suffer, but not avec tant de freedom as heretofore, I perceiving plainly she had alguns apprehensions de me, but I did offer natha more then what I had often done. But now comes our trouble; I did begin to fear that su marido might go to my house to enquire por ella, and there, trovando mi moher at home, would not only think himself, but give my femme occasion to think strange things. This did trouble me mightily, so though ella would not seem to have me trouble myself about it, yet did agree to the stopping the coach at the street’s end; and yo allais con ella home and there presently hear by him that he had newly sent su maid to my house to see for her mistress. This doth much perplex me, and I did go presently home (Betty whispering me behind the tergo de her mari, that if I would say that we did come home by water, ella could make up la cosa well satis). And there in a sweat did walk in the entry antes my door, thinking what I should say a my femme; and as God would have it, while I was in this case (the worst in reference a my femme that ever I was in in my life), a little woman comes stumbling to the entry-steps in the dark; whom asking whom she was, she enquired for my house; so knowing her voice and telling her su donna is come home, she went away. But Lord, in what a trouble was I, when she was gone, to recollect whether this was not the second time of her coming; but at last concluding that she had not been here before, I did bless myself in my good fortune in getting home before her, and do verily believe she had loitered some time by the way, which was my great good fortune; and so I in a-door and there find all well.

13 February 1666/67

Discourse most about plays and the opera; where, among other vanities, Captain Cooke had the arrogance to say that he was fain to direct Sir W. Davenant in the breaking of his verses into such and such lengths, according as would be fit for musick, and how he used to swear at Davenant and command him that way when W. Davenant would be angry, and find fault with this or that note; but a vain coxcomb I perceive he is, though he sings and composes so well. But what I wondered at, Dr. Clerke did say that Sir W. Davenant is no good judge of a dramatic poem, finding fault with his choice of Henery the 5th, and others for the stage, when I do think and he confesses the Siege of Rhodes as good as ever was writ. After dinner, Captain Cooke and two of his boys to sing; but it was endeed, both in performance and composition, most plainly below what I heard last night, which I could not have believed. Besides, overlooking the words when he sung, I find them not at all humourd as they ought to be, and as I believed he had done all he had set - though he himself doth indeed sing in a manner, as to voice and manner, the best I ever heard yet; and a strange mastery he hath in making of extraordinary surprizing closes, that are mighty pretty; but his bragging that he do understand tones and sounds as well as any man in the world, and better than Sir W. Davenant or any body else, I do not like by no means; but was sick of it and of him for it.

A foul evening this was tonight, and mightily troubled to get a coach home; and, which is now my common practice, going over the ruins in the night, I rid with my sword drawn in the Coach.

16 February 1666/67

Here came Mr. Hooke, Sir George Ent, Dr. Wren, and many others; and by and by the music, that is to say, Seignor Vincentio, who is the maister Composer, and six more, whereof two Eunuches (so tall, that Sir T. Harvey said well that he believes they do grow large by being gelt as our oxen do) and one woman, very well dressed and handsome enough, but would not be kissed, as Mr. Killigrew, who brought the company in, did acquaint us. They sent two Harpsicons before; and by and by, after tuning them, they begun; and, I confess, very good music they made; that is, the composition exceeding good, but yet not at all more pleasing to me than what I have heard in English by Mrs. Knipp, Captain Cooke, and others. Nor do I dote on the Eunuches; they sing endeed pretty high and have a mellow kind of sound, but yet I have been as well satisfied with several women’s voices, and men also, as Crispe of the Wardrobe. The woman sung well, but that which distinguishes all is this: that in singing, the words are to be considered and how they are fitted with notes, and then the common accent of the country is to be known and understood by the hearer, or he will never be a good judge of the vocal music of another country.

One wonder I observed today: that there was no Musique in the morning to call up our new-married people; which is very mean methinks, and is as if they had married like dog and bitch.

17 February 1666/67

...I to Westminster to the Swan, and there stayed till Michell and his wife came. Old Michell and his wife come to see me, and there we drank and laughed a little; and then the young ones and I took boat, it being fine moonshine. I did to my trouble see all the way that ella did get as close a su marido as ella could, and turn her manos away quando yo did endeavour to take one. De los - so that I had no pleasure at all con ella ce night. When we landed I did take occasion to send him back a the bateau while I did get un baiser or two, and would have taken la by la hand; but ella did turn away, and quando I said “Shall I not tocar te?” answered “Yo no love touching”, in a slight modo. I seemed not to take notice of it, but parted kindly et su marido did andar with me almost a mi casa. And there we parted; and so I home, troubled at this; but I think I shall make good use of it and mind my business more.

21 February 1666/67

Up, and to the office, where sat all the morning; and there a most furious conflict between Sir W. Pen and I, in few words and on a sudden occasion of no great moment, but very bitter and stared on one another; and so broke off and to our business, my heart as full of spite as it could hold, for which God forgive me and him.

22 February 1666/67

At dinner all of us, that is to say, Lord Brouncker, J. Mennes, W. Batten, T. Harvy, and myself, to Sir W. Pen’s house to dinner, where some other company; it is instead of a wedding dinner for his daughter, whom I saw in palterly clothes, nothing new but a bracelet that her servant hath given her, and ugly she is as heart can wish. A sorry dinner, not any thing handsome nor clean but some silver plates they borrowed of me. My wife was here too. So a great deal of talk, and I seemingly merry - but took no pleasure at all.

24 February 1666/67

He in our going talked much of the plain habit of the Spaniards; how the King and lords themselves wear but a cloak of Colchester bayze, and the ladies mantles, in cold weather, of white flannel. And that the endeavours frequently of setting up the manufacture of making these stuffs there have only been prevented by the Inquisition - the English and Dutchmen that have been sent for to work being taken with a Psalm-book or Testament, and so clapped up and the house pulled down by the Inquisitors, and the greatest Lord in Spain dare not say a word against it - if the word Inquisition be but mentioned.

25 February 1666/67

Lay long in bed, talking with pleasure with my poor wife how she used to make coal fires and wash my foul clothes with her own hand for me, poor wretch, in our little room at my Lord Sandwiches; for which I ought for ever to love and admire her, and do, and persuade myself she would do the same thing again, if God should reduce us to it.

27 February 1666/67

He dined with us, and we had good discourse of the general ill state of things; and by the way he told me some ridiculous pieces of thrift of Sir G. Downing’s, who is their countryman - in inviting some poor people at Christmas last, to charm the country people’s mouths; but did give them nothing but beef, porridge, pudding, and pork, and nothing said all dinner, but only his mother would say, “It’s good broth, son.” He would answer, “Yes, it is good broth.” Then his lady confirm all and say, “Yes, very good broth.” By and by she would begin and say, “Good pork;” “Yes,” says the mother, “good pork.” Then he cries, “Yes, very good pork.” And so they said of all things; to which nobody made any answer, they going there not out of love or esteem of them, but to eat his victuals, knowing him to be a niggardly fellow - and with this he is jeered now all over the country.

28 February 1666/67

I did within these six days see smoke still remaining of the late fire in the City; and it is strange to think how to this very day I cannot sleep a-night without great terrors of fire; and this very night I could not sleep till almost 2 in the morning through thoughts of fire.

1 March 1666/67

Having done with him, back again to the office; and in the streets in Mark-lane do observe (it being St. David’s day) the picture of a man dressed like a Welchman, hanging by the neck upon one of the poles that stand out at the top of one of the merchants’ houses, in full proportion and very handsomely done - which is one of the oddest sights I have seen a good while, for it was so like a man that one would have thought it was endeed a man.

So to the office till dinner, busy; and then home to dinner, and before dinner making my wife to sing; poor wretch, her ear is so bad that it made me angry, till the poor wretch cried to see me so vexed at her, that I think I shall not discourage her so much again but will endeavour to make her understand sounds and do her good that way, for she hath a great mind to learn, only to please me; and therefore I am mighty unjust to her in discouraging her so much. But we were good friends, and to dinner...

2 March 1666/67

After dinner with my wife to the King’s house to see The Mayden Queene, a new play of Dryden’s mightily commended for the regularity of it and the strain and wit; and the truth is, there is a comical part done by Nell, which is Florimell, that I never can hope ever to see the like done again by man or woman. The King and Duke of York were at the play; but so great performance of a comical part was never, I believe, in the world before as Nell doth this, both as a mad girle, then, most and best of all, when she comes in like a young gallant; and hath the notions and carriage of a spark the most that ever I saw any man have. It makes me, I confess, admire her.

9 March 1666/67

He did speak many severe words to me and I returned as many to him, so that I do think there cannot for a great while be any right peace between us - and I care not a fart for it; but however, I must look about me and mind my business, for I perceive by his threats and inquiries he is and will endeavour to find out something against me or mine.

This cold did most certainly come by my staying a little too long bare-legged yesterday morning when I rose while I looked out fresh socks and thread stockings, yesterday’s having in the night, lying near the window, been covered with Snow within the window, which made me I durst not put them on.

12 March 1666/67

This day a poor seaman, almost starved for want of food, lay in our yard a-dying; I sent him half-a-crown – and we ordered his ticket to be paid.

23 March 1666/67

...vexed with our maid Luce, our cook-maid, who is a good drudging servant in everything else and pleases us, but that she will be drunk, and hath been so last night and all this day, that she could not make clean the house - my fear is only fire.

25 March 1666/67

Thence home, and there I find letters from my brother which tell me that yesterday, when he wrote, my mother did rattle in the throat, so as they did expect every moment her death, which though I have a good while expected, did much surprize me; yet was obliged to sup at Sir W. Penn’s, and my wife; and there counterfeited some little mirth, but my heart was sad; and so home after supper and to bed, and much troubled in my sleep with dreams of my being crying by my mother’s bedside, laying my head over hers and crying, she almost dead and dying, and so waked; but what is strange, methought she had hair on her face, and not the same kind of face as my mother really has; but yet did not consider that, but did weep over her as my mother - whose soul God have mercy of.

27 March 1666/67

...I did go to the Swan; and there sent for Jervas my old periwig-maker and he did bring me a periwig; but it was full of nits, so as I was troubled to see it (it being his old fault) and did send him to make it clean...

1 April 1667

She tells me also odd stories how the parish talks of Sir W. Pen’s family, how poorly they clothe their daughter so soon after marriage - and do say that Mr. Lowder was married once before; and some such thing there hath been, whatever the bottom of it is. But to think of the clutter they make with his coach and his own fine clothes, and yet how meanly they live within doors and nastily, and borrowing everything of neighbours, is a most shitten thing.

7 April 1667

And then to walk in the Parke, and heard the Italian music at the Queen’s chapel; whose composition is fine, but yet the voices of Eunuchs I do not like like our women, nor am more pleased with it at all then with English voices, but that they do jump most excellently with themselfs and their instrument - which is wonderful pleasant; but I am convinced more and more, that, as every nation has a perticular accent and tone in discourse, so as the tone of one not to agree with or please the other, no more can the fashion of singing to words; for that the better the words are set, the more they take in of the ordinary tone of the country whose language the song speaks; so that a song well composed by an Englishman must be better to an Englishman than it can be to a stranger, or then if set by a stranger in foreign words.

12 April 1667

Up; and when ready, I to my office to do a little business; and coming homeward again, saw my door and hatch open, left so by Luce our cookmaid; which so vexed me, that I did give her a kick in our entry, and offered a blow at her, and was seen doing so by Sir W. Penn’s footboy, which did vex me to the heart because I know he will be telling their family of it, though I did put on presently a very pleasant face to the boy and spoke kindly to him as one without passion, so as it may be he might not think I was angry; but yet I was troubled at it.

26 April 1667

This done, Sir W. Batten and I back again to London; and in the way met my Lady Newcastle going with her coaches and footmen all in velvet; herself (whom I never saw before) as I have heard her often described (for all the town-talk is now-a-days of her extravagancies), with her velvet-cap, her hair about her ears, many black patches because of pimples about her mouth, naked-necked, without any thing about it, and a black just-au-corps; she seemed to me a very comely woman - but I hope to see more of her on Mayday.

1 May 1667

Thence to Westminster, in the way meeting many milk-maids with their garlands upon their pails, dancing with a fiddler before them, and saw pretty Nelly standing at her lodgings door in Drury-lane in her smock-sleeves and bodice, looking upon one - she seemed a mighty pretty creature.

7 May 1667

So to the office a little; and then home to supper and to bed - after hearing my wife sing, who is manifestly come to be more musical in her eare then ever I thought she could have been made; which rejoices me to the heart, for I take great delight now to hear her sing.
8 May 1667
...and so I home to dinner, where I find my wife’s Flagilette-master; and I am so pleased with her proceeding, though she hath lost time by not practising, that I am resolved for the encouragement of the man to learn myself a little, for a month or so - for I do foresee, if God send my wife and I to live, she will become very good company for me.
...and so back again home, and late at my office at business; and so home to supper and sing a little with my dear wife, and so to bed.

10 May 1667

...and at noon all of us to Kent’s at the Three Tun tavern and there dined well at Mr. Gawden’s charge. There the constable of the parish did show us the picklocks and dice that were found in the dead man’s pockets, and but 18d. in money - and a table-book, wherein were entered the names of several places where he was to go; and among others, his house, where he was to dine, and did dine yesterday. And after dinner went into the church, and there saw his Corps with the wound in his left breast; a sad spectacle, and a wide wound, which makes my hand now shake to write of it. His brother entending, it seems, to kill the coachman, who did not please him, this fellow stepped in and took away his sword; who thereupon took out his knife, which was of the fashion, with a Falchon blade and a little cross at the hilt like a dagger, and with that stabbed him.

[This was Basil Fielding, killed by his brother Christopher.]

11 May 1667

...and so away with my wife, whose being dressed this day in fair hair did make me so mad, that I spoke not one word to her in our going, though I was ready to burst with anger. ...and so took coach and took up my wife, and in my way home discovered my trouble to my wife for her white locks, swearing by God, several times (which I pray God forgive me for) and bending my fist, that I would not endure it. She, poor wretch, was surprized with it, and made me no answer all the way home. But there we parted, and I to the office late; and then home, and without supper to bed, vexed..

12 May 1667

Lord’s day. Up, and to my chamber to settle some accounts there; and by and by down comes my wife to me in her nightgown; and we begun calmly, that upon having money to lace her gown for second mourning, she would promise to wear white locks no more in my sight; which I, like a severe fool, thinking not enough, begun to except against and made her fly out to very high terms and cry; and in her heat told me of keeping company with Mrs. Knipp, saying that if I would promise never to see her more (of whom she hath more reason to suspect than I had heretofore of Pembleton), she would never wear white locks more. This vexed me, but I restrained myself from saying anything; but do think never to see this woman; at least, to have her here more. But by and by I did give her money to buy lace, and she promised to wear no more white locks while I lived; and so all very good friends as ever, and I to my business, and she to dress herself..

...back to the coach to my wife, and she and I homeward again, and in our way bethought ourselfs of going alone, she and I, to a French house to dinner, and so enquired out Monsieur Robins, my periwig-maker, who keeps an ordinary, and in an ugly street in Covent-garden, did find him at the door, and so we in; and in a moment almost have the table covered, and clean glasses, and all in the French manner, and a mess of potage first and then a couple of pigeons a l’ esteuvé, and then a piece of bœuf-a -la-mode, all exceeding well seasoned and to our great liking; at least it would have been anywhere else but in this bad street and in a periwig-maker’s house; but to see the pleasant and ready attendance that we had, and all things so desirous to please and ingenious in the people, did take me mightily - our dinner cost us 6s...

23 May 1667

After dinner I to my chamber and my wife and father to talk; and by and by they tell Mrs. Daniel would speak with me, so I down to the parlour to her and sat down together and talked about getting her husband a place; and here I did adventure etsi the porta etait operta para put my mano abajo su jupes two or three temps et touch her cosa con great pleasure, ella resisting pretty much, sed never the minus submitted. I do promise, and mean to do what kindness I can to her husband; and after having been there hasta yo was ashamed, de peur that my people pensaient to pragma de it, or lest they might espy nous through some trees, we parted, and I to the office and presently back home again, and there was asked by my wife, I know not whether simply or with design, how I come to look as I did, car yo was in much calor et de body and of animi; which I put off with the heat of the season, and so to other business, but I had some fear hung upon me lest algo had sido decouvert.

This afternoon I had opportunity para jouer with Mrs. Pen, tokando her mamelles and besando ella - being sola in the casa of her pater - and she fort willing.

26 May 1667

After dinner, I by water alone to Westminster, where not finding Mrs. Martin within, did go towards the parish church and in the way did overtake her, who resolved to go into the church with her that she was going with (Mrs. Hargrave, the little crooked woman, the vintner’s wife of the Dog) and then go out again; and so I to the church; and seeing her return did go out again myself, but met with Mr. Howlett, who, offering me a pew in the gallery, I had no excuse but up with him I must go, and there, much against my will, staid out the whole church in pain, while she expected me at home; but I did entertain myself with my perspective glass up and down the church, by which I had the great pleasure of seeing and gazing a great many very fine women; and what with that and sleeping, I passed away the time till sermon was done; and then to Mrs. Martin and there stayed with her an hour or two, and there did what jo would with her.

3 June 1667

...going through the Park, met Mr. Mills our parson, whom I went back with to bring him to W. Coventry to give him the form of a Qualificacion for the Duke of York to sign to, to enable him to have two livings; which was a service I did, but much against my will, for a lazy, fat priest.

4 June 1667

...home in the evening, and there to sing and pipe with my wife; and that being done, she fell all of a sudden to discourse about her clothes and my humours in not suffering her to wear them as she pleases, and grew to high words between us. But I fell to read a book (Boyle’s Hydrostatickes) aloud in my chamber and let her talk, till she was tired, and vexed that I would not hear her; and so become friends, and to bed together, the first night after four or five that she hath lain from me by reason of a great cold she had got.

In June 1667, the Dutch came up the Thames and the Medway and attacked the British fleets in their harbours. Rather than me try to pick out snippets, I would recommend that you read for yourselves what happened, and what Pepys did to save his wealth and possessions from what looked like an imminent invasion, not to mention attacks on the Navy Office from a populace that felt the Office had failed in its duties. I would recommend starting about here: https://www.pepysdiary.com/diary/1667/06/13/

17 June 1667

At the office all the afternoon, where every moment business of one kind or other about the fireships and other businesses; most of them vexatious for want of money, the commanders all complaining that if they miss to pay their men a night, they run away - seamen demanding money of them by way of advance, and some of Sir Hollis’s men, that he so bragged of, demanding their tickets to be paid or they would not work. This Hollis, Sir W. Batten and W. Penn say, proves a very wind-fucker as Sir W. Batten terms him; and the other called him a conceited, idle, prating, lying fellow. But it was pleasant this morning to hear Hollis give me the account what, he says, he told the King in Commissioner Pett’s presence, whence it was that his ship was fit sooner than others, telling the King how he dealt with the several commissioners and agents of the Ports where he comes, offering Lanyon to carry him a Ton or two of goods to the Straights, giving Middleton an hour or two’s hearing of his stories of Berbados - going to prayer with Taylor; and standing bare and crying, “If it please your Honour” to Pett. But Sir W. Pen says that he tells this story to everybody, and believes it to be a very lie.

22 June 1667

Up and to my office, where busy, and there came Mrs. Daniel; and it is strange how merely the putting my hand to her belly through her coats did make me do.

At noon home to dinner, where Mr. Lewes Phillips, by invitation of my wife comes, he coming up to town with her in the coach this week; and she expected another gentleman, a fellow-traveller, and I perceive the feast was for him, though she do not say it, but by some mistake he come not, so there was a good dinner lost.

29 June 1667

Up, having had many ugly dreams tonight - of my father and my sister and mother’s coming to us and meeting my wife and me at the gate of the office going out - they all in laced suits, and come, they told me, to be with me this May-day. My mother told me she lacked a pair of gloves, and I remembered a pair of my wife’s in my chamber, and resolved she should have them. But then recollected how my mother come to be here when I was in mourning for her; and so thinking it to be a mistake in our thinking her all this while dead, I did contrive that it should be said to any that enquired, that it was my mother-in-law, my wife’s mother, that was dead and we in mourning for. This dream troubled me and I waked. Then I dreamed that I had great pain of the stone in making water, and that once I looked upon my yard in making water at the steps before my door, and there I took hold of the end of a thing and pulled it out, and it was a turd; and it came into my mind that I was in the same condition with my aunt Pepys, my uncle Roberts wife. And by and by, on a like occasion, I pulled out something and flung on the ground – it looked like slime or snot, and presently it swelled and turned into a gray kind of Bird, and I would have taken it in my hand and it run from me to the corner of the door, going into the garden in the entry by Sir J. Mennes’s; and so I waked. These dreams did trouble me mightily all night.

1 July 1667

Up betimes, about 4 a-clock, waked by a damned noise between a sow gelder and a cow and a dog, nobody after we were up being able to tell us what it was.

3 July 1667

After a deal of this bibble babble, I to Mrs. Martin’s and there she was gone in before; but when I came, contrary to my expectation, I find her all in trouble, and what was it for but that I have got her with child, for those do not venir upon her as they should have done; and is in exceeding grief, and swears that the child is mine; which I do not believe, but yet do comfort her that either it cannot be so; or if it be, that I will take care to send for her husband, though I do hardly see how I can be sure of that, the ship being at sea and as far as Scotland; but however, I must do it, and shall find some way or other of doing it, though it doth trouble me not a little.

5 July 1667

...then to the office a little and Sir W. Batten’s, where I am vexed to hear that Nan Wright, now Mrs. Markham, Sir W. Penn’s maid and whore, is come to sit in our pew at church, and did so while my Lady Batten was there - I confess I am very much vexed at it and ashamed.

6 July 1667

...to Mrs. Martins, where I met with the good news que esta no es con child <she having de estos upon her> - the fear of which, which she did give me the other day, had troubled me much. My joy in this made me send for wine, and thither came her sister and Mrs. Cragg and I staid a good while there. But here happened the best instance of a woman’s falseness in the world; that her sister Doll, who went for a bottle of wine, did come home all blubbering and swearing against one Captain Vandena, a Dutchman of the Rhenish Wine-house, that pulled her into a stable by the Dog tavern and there did tumble her and toss her; calling him all the rogues and toads in the world, when she knows that ella hath suffered me to do anything with her a hundred times.

8 July 1667

So called on my wife and met Creed by the way, and they two and I to Charing -cross, there to see the great Boy and Girle that are lately come out of Ireland; the latter, eight, the former but four years old, of most prodigious bigness for their age. I tried to weigh them in my arms, and find them twice as heavy as people almost twice their age; and yet I am apt to believe they are very young - their father a little sorry fellow, and their mother an old Irish woman. They have had four children of this bigness and four of ordinary growth, whereof two of each are dead. If (as my Lord Ormond certifies) it be true that they are no older, it is very monstrous.

12 July 1667

Thence, after dinner to St. James’s, but missed Sir W. Coventry; and so home, and there find my wife in a dogged humour for my not dining at home, and I did give her a pull by the nose and some ill words, which she provoked me to by something she spoke, that we fell extraordinarily out; insomuch, that I going to the office to avoid further anger, she fallowed me in a devilish manner thither, and with much ado I got her into the garden out of hearing, to prevent shame; and so home, and by degrees I found it necessary to calme her, and did; and then to the office, where pretty late, and then to walk with her in the garden, and so to supper and pretty good friends; and so to bed - with my mind very quiet.

13 July 1667

...Mr. Pierce dined with us; who tells us what troubles me, that my Lord Buckhurst hath got Nell away from the King’s house, lies with her, and gives her 100l a year, so as she hath sent her parts to the House and will act no more. And yesterday Sir Tho. Crew told me that Lacy lies a-dying of the pox, and yet hath his whore by him; whom he will have to look on, he says, though he can do no more; nor would receive any ghostly advice from a Bishop, an old acquaintance of his that went to see him.

14 July 1667

And there talked with the two women that farm the well of the lord of the manor, Mr Eveling (who with his lady and also my Lord George Berkley’s lady, and their fine daughter that the King of France liked so well and did dance so rich in Jewells before the King at the Ball I was at, at our Court last Winter, and also their son, a Knight of the Bath, were at church this morning), at 12l per annum.

19 July 1667

The Duch fleet are in great squadrons everywhere still about Harwich. And were lately at Portsmouth; and the last letters say at Plymouth, and now gone to Dartmouth to destroy our Straights-fleet, lately got in thither; but God knows whether they can do it any hurt or no. But it was pretty news came the other day so fast, of the Duch fleets being in so many places, that Sir W. Batten at table cried, “By God!” says he, “I think the Devil shits Dutchmen.”

27 July 1667

He tells me that the King and my Lady Castlemayne are quite broke off and she is gone away, and is with child and swears the King shall own it; and she will have it christened in the Chapel at White-hall as, and owned for the King’s as other Kings have done; or she will bring it into White-hall gallery, and dash the brains of it out before the King’s face.

29 July 1667

One thing extraordinary was this day, a man, a Quaker, came naked through the Hall, only very civilly tied about the privities to avoid scandal, and with a chafing-dish of fire and brimstone burning upon his head did pass through the Hall, crying, “Repent! Repent!”

Here Creed did tell us the story of the Duell last night, in Coventgarden, between Sir H. Bellasses and Tom Porter. It is worth remembering the silliness of the quarrell, and is a kind of emblem of the general complexion of this whole Kingdom at present. They two, it seems, dined yesterday at Sir Robt. Carrs, where it seems people do drink high, all that come. It happened that these two, the greatest friends in the world, were talking together and Sir H. Bellasses talked a little louder than ordinary to T. Porter, giving of him some advice: some of the company standing by said, “What! are they quarrelling, that they talk so high?” Sir H. Bellasses hearing it, said, “No!” says he: “I would have that you know I never quarrel, but I strike; and take that as a rule of mine.” “How!” says T. Porter, “strike! I would I could see the man in England that durst give me a blow!” With that Sir H. Bellasses did give him a box of the eare and so they were going to fight there, but were hindered; and by and by T. Porter went out, and meeting Dryden the poet, told him of the business and that he was resolved to fight Sir H. Bellasses presently, for he knew, if he did not, they should be made friends tomorrow, and then the blow would rest upon him; which he would prevent, and desired Dryden to let him have his boy to bring him notice which way Sir H. Bellasses goes. By and by he is informed that Sir H. Bellasses’s coach was coming, so T. Porter went down out of the Coffee-house where he stayed for the tidings, and stopped the coach and bade Sir H. Bellasses come out: “Why,” says H. Bellasses, “you will not hurt me coming out, will you?” - “No,” says T. Porter. So out he went, and both drew; and H. Bellasses having drawn and flung away his scabbard, T. Porter asked him whether he was ready; the other answering him he was, they fell to fight, some of their acquaintance by; they wounded one another, and H. Bellasses so much that it is feared he will die; and finding himself sorely wounded, he called to T. Porter and kissed him and bade him shift for himself - “For,” says he, “Tom, thou hast hurt me, but I will make shift to stand upon my legs till thou mayest withdraw; and the world not take notice of you, for I would not have thee troubled for what thou hast done.” And so whether he did fly or no I cannot tell, but T. Porter showed H. Bellasses that he was wounded too; and they are both ill, but H. Bellasses to fear of life. And this is a fine example; and H. Bellasses a Parliament-man too, and both of them most extraordinary friends.

5 August 1667

After done, with the Duke of York; and coming out through his dressing-room, I there espied Seignor Francisco, tuning his Gittar, and Monsieur De Puy with him, who did make him play to me; which he did most admirably, so well as I was mightily troubled that all that pains should have been taken upon so bad an instrument.

12 August 1667

My wife waked betimes to call up her maids to washing, and so to bed again; whom I then hugged, it being cold now in the mornings, and then did la otra cosa con her, which I had not done con ella for these tres meses past, which I do believe is a great matter towards the making her of late so indifferent towards me, and with good reason; but now she had much pleasure, and so to sleep again.

16 August 1667

So to supper, in some pain by the sudden change of the weather cold and my drinking of cold drink; which I must I fear begin to leave off, though I shall try it as long as I can without much pain. But I find myself to be full of wind, and my anus to be knit together as it is always with cold.

17 August 1667

I confess I have sucked in so much of the sad story of Queen Elizabeth from my cradle, that I was ready to weep for her sometimes.

18 August 1667

Lord’s Day
...into St. Dunstan’s Church, where I hear an able sermon of the Minister of the place. And stood by a pretty, modest maid, whom I did labour to take by the hand and the body; but she would not, but got further and further from me, and at last, I could perceive her to take pins out of her pocket to prick me if I should touch her again; which seeing I did forbear, and was glad I did espy her design. And then I fell to gaze upon another pretty maid in a pew close to me, and she on me; and I did go about to take her by the hand, which she suffered a little and then withdrew.

...there happened an odd adventure; one of our coach-horses fell sick of the staggers, so as he was ready to fall down. The coachman was fain to light and hold him up and cut his tongue to make him bleed, and his tail - the horse continued shakeing every part of him, as if he had been in an ague a good while, and his blood settled in his tongue, and the coachman thought and believed he would presently drop down dead. Then he blew some tobacco in his nose; upon which the horse sneezed, and, by and by grows well and draws us the rest of our way, as well as ever he did; which was one of the strangest things of a horse I ever observed - but he says it is usual. It is the staggers.

21 August 1667

Lord’s Day
This morning came two of Captain Cookes boys, whose voices are broke and are gone from the Chapel, but have extraordinary skill; and they and my boy, with his broken voice, did sing three parts (their names were Blaewl and Loggings); but notwithstanding their skill, yet to hear them sing with their broken voices, which they could not command to keep in tune, would make a man mad, so bad it was.

25 August 1667

And to the parish church, thinking to see Betty Michell, and did stay an hour in the crowd, thinking by the end of a nose that I saw that it had been her; but at last the head turned toward me and it was her mother - which vexed me; and so I back to my boat, which had broke one of her oares in rowing and had now fastened it again...

1 September 1667

...spent all the afternoon, Pelling, How, I and my boy, singing of Locke’s response to the Ten Commandments, which he hath set very finely, and was a good while since sung before the King, and spoiled in the performance - which occasioned his printing them for his vindication, and are excellentgood.

[The book was Matthew Locke’s Modern church musick, pre accus’d, and obstructed vindicated by the author 1666. The ‘spoilt’ performance had occurred on 1 April 1666, at the Chapel Royal, when, in protest against the novelty of a different setting for each repetition of the Kyrie, the choristers had deliberately sabotaged the singing.]

They parted, in the evening my wife and I to walk in the garden; and there scolded a little, I being doubtful that she had received a couple of fine pinners (one of point-de-Gesne), which I feared she hath from someone or other of a present; but on the contrary, I find she hath bought them for me to pay for them, without my knowledge. This doth displease me much; but yet do so much please me better then if she had received them the other way, that I was not much angry, but fell to other discourse; and so to my chamber, and got her to read to me for saving of my eyes; and then having got a great cold, I know not how, I to bed and lay ill at ease all the night.

2 September 1667

After dinner comes in Mr. Townsend; and there I was witness of a horrid rateing, which Mr. Ashburnham, as one of the Grooms of the King’s Bedchamber, did give him for want of linen for the King’s person; which he swore was not to be endured, and that the King would not endure it, and that the King his father, would have hanged his Wardrobe-man should he have been served so; the King having at this day no handkerchers and but three bands to his neck, he swore. Mr. Townsend answered want of money and the owing of the linen-draper 5000l; and that he hath of late got many rich things made, beds and sheets and saddles, and all without money, and he can go no further; but still this old man (endeed, like an old loving servant) did cry out for the King’s person to be neglected. But when he was gone, Townsend told me that it is the grooms taking away the King’s linen at the Quarter’s end, as their Fees, which makes this great want: for whether the King can get it or no, they will run away at the Quarter’s end with what he hath had, let the King get more as he can.

4 September 1667

I stayed and heard Alderman Barker’s case of his being abused by the Council of Ireland touching his lands there. All I observed there is the silliness of the King, playing with his dog all the while, or his codpiece, and not minding the business, and what he said was mighty weak; but my Lord Keeper I observe to be a mighty able man.

6 September 1667

At Allgate I took my wife into our coach, and so to Bartholomew-fair and there, it being very dirty and now night, we saw a poor fellow, whose legs were tied behind his back, dance upon his hands with his arse above his head, and also dance upon his crutches, without any legs upon the ground to help him; which he did with that pain that I was sorry to see it, and did pity him and give him money after he had done. Then we to see a piece of Clocke-work made by an Englishman; endeed, very good, wherein all the several states of man’s age, to 100 year old, is shown very pretty and solemne, and several other things more cheerful; and so we ended and took a link, the women resolving to be dirty, and walked up and down to get a coach; and my wife, being a little before me, had been like to be taken up by one, whom we saw to be Sam Hartlib. My wife had her vizard on - yet we cannot say that he meant any hurt, for it was as she was just by a coach-side, which he had or had a mind to take up; and he asked her, “Madam, do you go in this coach?” but as soon as he saw a man come to her (I know not whether he knew me) he departed away apace.

8 September 1667

I went to the King’s Chapel to the closet, and there I hear Cresset sing a Tenor part along with the Church music; very handsomely, but so loud that people did laugh at him - as a thing done for ostentacion. Here I met Sir G. Downing, who would speak with me; and first, to inquire what I paid for my Kids-leather gloves I had on my hands, and showed me others on his, as handsome, as good in all points, cost him but 12d a pair, and mine me 2s. He told me he had been seven years finding out a man that could dress English sheep-skin as it should be; and endeed, it is now as good, in all respects as Kidd, and he says will save 100000l a year that goes out to France for Kids-skins. Thus he labours very worthily to advance our own trade, but doth it with mighty vanity and talking.

Thence, meeting Creed, I with him to the parke, there to walk a little, and to the Queen’s Chapel and hear their music, which I liked in itself pretty well as to the composition, but their voices are very harsh and rough, that I thought it was some instruments they had that made them sound so.

To Sir G. Carterets to dinner, where Mr. Cofferer Ashburnham - who told a good story of a prisoner’s being condemned at Salisbury for a small matter; while he was on the bench with his father-in-law, Judge Richardson, and while they were considering to transport him to save his life, the fellow flung a great stone at the Judge, that missed him but broke through the wainscoat. Upon this, he had his hand cut off, and was hanged presently.

[This incident took place in 1631. The judge happened to be leaning on his elbow, and is reported to have said, “If I had been an upright judge, I had been slain.]

15 September 1667

By and by to church, where I stood in continual fear of Mrs. Markham’s coming to church, and offering to come into our pew, to prevent which, as soon as ever I heard the great door open, I did step back and clapped my breech to our pew-door, that she might be forced to shove me to come in; but as God would have it, she did not come.

...then home, and there comes Mr. Pelling with two men by promise, one Wallington and Piggott; the former whereof, being a very little fellow, did sing a most excellent bass, and yet a poor fellow, a working goldsmith, that goes without gloves to his hands. Here we sung several good things, but I am more and more confirmed that singing with many voices is not singing, but a sort of Instrumental music, the sense of the words being lost by not being heard, and especially as they set them with Fuges of words, one after another; whereas singing properly, I think, should be but with one or two voices at most, and that counterpoint.

16 September 1667

...my wife and Mercer called me to Mrs. Pierce’s by invitation to dinner; where I find her painted (which makes me loathe her) and the nastiest poor dinner, that made me sick.

5 October 1667

...so to the King’s house; and there going in, met with Knipp and she took us up into the Tireing-rooms and to the women’s Shift, where Nell was dressing herself and was all unready; and is very pretty, prettier then I thought; and so walked all up and down the House above, and then below into the Scene-room, and there sat down and she gave us fruit; and here I read the Qu’s to Knepp while she answered me, through all her part of Flora’s Figarys, which was acted today. But Lord, to see how they were both painted would make a man mad - and did make me loath them - and what base company of men comes among them, and how lewdly they talk - and how poor the men are in clothes, and yet what a show they make on the stage by candle-light, is very observable. But to see how Nell cursed for having so few people in the pit was pretty, the other House carrying away all the people at the new play, and is said, nowadays to have generally most company, as being better players. By and by into the pit and there saw the play; which is pretty good, but my belly was full of what I had seen in the House; and so, after the play done, away home and there to the writing my letters; and so home to supper and to bed.

10 October 1667

...my father and I with a dark lantern, it being now night, into the guarden with my wife, and there went about our great work to dig up my gold. But Lord, what a tosse I was for some time in, that they could not justly tell where it was, that I begun heartily to sweat and be angry that they should not agree better upon the place, and at last to fear that it was gone; but by and by, poking with a spit, we found it, and then begun with a spudd to lift up the ground; but good God, to see how sillily they did it, not half a foot under ground and in the sight of the world from a hundred places if anybody by accident were near-hand, and within sight of a neighbour’s window and their hearing also, being close by; only my father says that he saw them all gone to church before he begun the work when he laid the money, but that do not excuse it to me; but I was out of my wits almost, and the more from that upon my lifting up the earth with the spud, I did discern that I scattered the pieces of gold round about the ground among the grass and loose earth; and taking up the iron head-pieces wherein they were put, I perceive the earth was got among the gold and wet, so that the bags were all rotten, all the notes, that I could not tell what in the world to say to it, not knowing how to judge what was wanting or what had been lost by Gibson in his coming down; which, all put together, did make me mad; and at last was forced to take up the head-pieces, dirt and all, and as many of the scattered pieces as I could with the dirt discern by the candlelight, and carry them up into my brother’s chamber and there lock them up till I had eat a little supper; and then all people going to bed, W. Hewer and I did all alone, with several pails of water and basins, at last wash the dirt off of the pieces and parted the pieces and the dirt, and then begun to tell; and by a note which I had of the value of the whole (in my pocket) do find that there was short above 100 pieces, which did make me mad; and considering that the neighbour’s house was so near, that we could not suppose we could speak one to another in the garden at the place where the gold lay (especially by my father being deaf) but they must know what we had been doing on, I feared that they might in the night come and gather some pieces and prevent us the next morning; so W. Hewe, and I out again about midnight (for it was now grown so late) and there by candlelight did make shift to gather 45 pieces more - and so in and to cleanse them, and by this time it was past 2 in the morning; and so to bed, with my mind pretty quiet to think that I have recovered so many. And then to bed, and I lay in the trundle-bed, the girl being gone to bed to my wife And there lay in some disquiet all night, telling of the clock till it was daylight;
<<11>>and then rose and called W. Hewer, and he and I, with pails and a Sive, did lock ourselfs into the garden and there gather all the earth about the place into pails, and then Sive those pails in one of the summer-houses (just as they do for Dyamonds in other parts of the world); and there to our great content did with much trouble by nine a-clock, and by that time we emptied several pails and could not find one, we did make the last night’s 45 up 79; so that we are come to about 20 or 30 of what I think the true number should be, and perhaps within less; and of them I may reasonably think that Mr. Gibson might lose some, so that I am pretty well satisfied that my loss is not great and do bless God that it is so well; and do leave my father to make a second examination of the dirt - which he promises he will do; and poor man, is mightily troubled for this accident. But I declared myself very well satisfied, and so endeed I am and my mind at rest in it, it being but an accident, which is unusual; and so gives me some kind of content to remember how painful it is sometimes to keep money, as well as to get it, and how doubtful I was how to keep it all night, and how to secure it to London.

17 October 1667

...but it was an odd, strange thing to observe of Mr. Andrews what a fancy he hath to raw meat, that he eats it with no pleasure unless the blood run about his chops; which it did now by a leg of mutton that was not above half-boiled; but it seems, at home all his meat is dressed so, and beef and all, and he eats it so at nights also.

19 October 1667

At the office all the morning, where very busy; and at noon home to a short dinner, being full of my desire of seeing my Lord Orery’s new play this afternoon at the King’s house, The Blacke prince, the first time it is acted; where though we came by two a-clock, yet there was no room in the pit, but we were forced to go into one of the upper-box at 4s apiece, which is the first time I ever sat in a box in my life. And in the same box came by and by, behind me, my Lord Berkly and his Lady; but I did not turn my face to them to be known, so that I was excused from giving them my seat. And this pleasure I had, that from this place the scenes do appear very fine endeed and much better than in the pit. The house infinite full, and the King and Duke of York was there. By and by the play begin, and in it nothing particular but a very fine dance for variety of figures, but a little too long. But, as to the contrivance and all that was witty (which endeed was much, and very witty), was almost the same that had been in his two former plays of Henry the 5th and Mustapha, and the same points and turns of wit in both; and in this very same play often repeated, but in excellent language. And were so excellent that the whole House was mightily pleased with it all along, till towards the end he comes to discover the chief of the plot of the play by the reading of along letter; which was so long and some things (the people being set already to think too long) so unnecessary, that they frequently begin to laugh and to hiss twenty times, that had it not been for the King’s being there, they had certainly hissed it off the stage; but I must confess that (as my Lord Barkeley says behind me) the having of that long letter was a thing so absurd, that he could not imagine how a man of his parts could possibly fall into it; or if he did, if he had but let any friend read but the friend would have told him of it. And I must confess it is one of the most remarkable instances that ever I did or expect to meet with in my life, of a wise man’s not being wise at all times and in all things, for nothing could be more ridiculous than this; though the letter of itself at another time would be thought an excellent letter; and endeed an excellent Romance; but at the end of the play, when everybody was weary of sitting and were already possessed with the effect of the whole letter, to trouble them with a letter of a quarter of an hour long was a most absurd thing. After the play done, and nothing pleasing them from the time of that letter to the end of the play, people being put into a bad humour of disliking (which is another thing worth the noting), I home by coach; and could not forbear laughing almost all the way home, and all the evening to my going to bed, at the ridiculousness of the letter; and the more because my wife was angry with me and the world for laughing, because the King was there, though she cannot defend the length of the letter. So after having done business at the office, I home to supper and to bed.

24 October 1667

...we in to see a Frenchman (at the house where my wife’s father last lodged), one Monsieur Prin, play on the Trump. Marine, which he doth beyond belief; and the truth is, it doth so far out-do a Trumpet as nothing more, and he do play anything very true, and it is most remarkable; and at first was a mystery to me that I should hear a whole consort of chords together at the end of a pause, but he showed me that it was only when the last notes were fifths or thirds one to another, and then their sounds like an Echo did last, so as they seemed to sound all together. The instrument is open at the end I discovered, but he would not let me look into it; but I was mightily pleased with it, and he did take great pains to show me all he could do on it, which was very much - and would make an excellent consort, two or three of them, better then trumpets can ever do because of their want of compass.

26 October 1667

Here Mrs. Pierce tells me that the two Marshalls at the King’s House are Stephen Marshalls, the great Presbyterian’s daughters; and that Nelly and Beck Marshall falling out the other day, the latter called the other my Lord Buckhursts whore; Nell answered that “I was but one man’s whore, though I was brought up in a bawdy-house to fill strong waters to the guests; and you are a whore to three or four, though a Presbyter’s praying daughter” - which was very pretty. Mrs. Pierce is still very pretty but paints red on her face, which makes me hate her, that I thank God I take no pleasure in her at all more.

31 October 1667

He tells me that he thanks God he never knew what it was to be tempted to be a knave in his life, till he did come into the House of Commons, where there is nothing done but by passion and faction and private interest.

2 November 1667

And it was observable how a gentleman of good habitt, sitting just before us eating of some fruit, in the midst of the play did drop down as dead, being choked; but with much ado, Orange Mall did thrust her finger down his throat and brought him to life again.

14 November 1667

Thence home, and to the office, where to the office about my letters; and so home to supper and to bed - my eyes being bad again; and by this means, the nights nowadays, do become very long to me, longer then I can sleep out.

15 November 1667

Thence I away home (calling at my Mercer and tailor’s), and there find, as I expected, Mr. Cæsar and little Pelham Humphrys, lately returned from France and is an absolute Monsieur, as full of form and confidence and vanity, and disparages everything and everybody’s skill but his own. The truth is, everybody says he is very able; but to hear how he laughs at all the King’s music here, as Blagrave and others, that they cannot keep time nor tune nor understand anything, and that Grebus, the Frenchman, the King’s Master of the Musique, how he understands nothing nor can play on any instrument and so cannot compose, and that he will give him a lift out of his place, and that he and the King are mighty great, and that he hath already spoke to the King of Grebus, would make a man piss. I had a good dinner for them, as a venison pasty and some fowl, and after dinner we did play, he on the Theorbo. Mr. Cæsar on his French lute, and I on the viol, but made but mean music; nor do I see that this Frenchman doth so much wonders on the Theorbo, but without question he is a good musician; but his vanity doth offend me.

18 November 1667

Up, and all the morning at my office till 3 after noon with Mr. Hater, about perfecting my little pocket market-book of the office, till my eyes were ready to fall out of my head.

21 November 1667

From this we fall to other discourse, and very good. Among the rest, they discourse of a man that is a little frantic (that hath been a kind of minister, Dr. Wilkins saying that he hath read for him in his church) that is poor and a debauched man, that the College have hired for 20s to have some of the blood of a Sheep let into his body; and it is to be done on Saturday next. They purpose to let in about twelve ounces, which they compute is what will be let in in a minutes time by a watch. They differ in the opinion they have of the effects of it; some think that it may have a good effect upon him as a frantic man, by cooling his blood; others, that it will not have any effect at all. But the man is a healthy man, and by this means will be able to give an account what alteration, if any, he doth find in himself, and so may be usefull.

On this occasion, Dr. Whistler told a pretty story related by Muffet, a good author, of Dr. Cayus that built Keys-College: that being very old and lived only at that time upon woman’s milk, he, while he fed upon the milk of a angry fretful woman, was so himself; and then being advised to take of a good-natured, patient woman, he did become so, beyond the common temper of his age. Thus much nutriment, they observed, might do. Their discourse was very fine; and if I should be put out of my office, I do take great content in the liberty I shall be at of frequenting these gentlemen’s companies.

...and so to bed, and through my wife’s illness had a bad night of it, and she a worse, poor wretch.

29 November 1667

Waked about 7 a-clock this morning with a noise I supposed I heard near our chamber, of knocking, which by and by increased, and I more awake, could, distinguish it better; I then waked my wife and both of us wondered at it, and lay so a great while, while that encreased; and at last heard it plainer, knocking as if it were breaking down a window for people to get out - and then removing of stools and chairs, and plainly by and by going up and down our stairs. We lay both of us afeard; yet I would have rose, but my wife would not let me; besides, I could not do it without making noise; and we did both conclude that thiefs were in the house, but wondered what our people did, whom we thought either killed or afeard as we were. Thus we lay till the clock struck 8, and high day. At last I removed my gown and slippers safely to the other side of the bed over my wife, and there safely rose and put on my gown and breeches, and then with a firebrand in my hand safely opened the door, and saw nor heard anything. Then (with fear, I confess) went to the maid’s chamber-door, and all quiet and safe. Called Jane up, and went down safely and opened my chamber, where all well. Then more freely about, and to the kitchen, where the cook-maid up and all safe. So up again, and when Jane came, and we demanded whether she heard no noise, she said, “yes, and was afeared,” but rose with the other maid, and found nothing, but heard a noise in the great stack of chimneys that goes from Sir J. Mennes’s through our house; and so we sent, and their chimneys have been swept this morning, and the noise was that and nothing else. It is one of the most extraordinary accidents in my life, and gives ground to think of Don Quixot’s adventures how people may be surprized - and the more from an accident last night, that our young gibb-cat did leap down our stairs from top to bottom at two leaps and frighted us, that we could not tell well whether it was the cat or a spirit, and do sometimes think this morning that the house might be haunted.

30 November 1667

But here above all, I was pleased to see the person who had his blood taken out. He speaks well, and did this day give the Society a relation thereof in Latin, saying that he finds himself much better since, and as a new man. But he is cracked a little in his head, though he speaks very reasonably and very well. He had but 20s. for his suffering it, and is to have the same again tried upon him - the first sound man that ever had it tried on him in England, and but one that we hear of in France, which was a porter hired by the virtuosi.

6 December 1667

This day, in coming home, Sir J. Mennes told me a pretty story of Sir Lewes Dives, whom I saw this morning speaking with him; that having escaped once out of prison through a house of office, and another time in woman’s apparel and leaping over a broad canal, a soldier in roguery put his hand towards her belly, and swore, says he, “This is a strong Jade, but I never felt a cunt with a handle to it before.”

24 December 1667

I through the Park to chapel, where I got in up almost to the rail and with a great deal of patience, stayed from 9 at night to 2 in the morning in a very great Crowd; and there expected, but found nothing extraordinary, there being nothing but a high Masse. The Queen was there and some ladies. But, Lord, what an odde thing it was for me to be in a crowd of people, here a footman, there a beggar, here a fine lady, there a zealous poor papist, and here a Protestant, two or three together, come to see the show. I was afeared of my pocket being picked very much. But here I did make myself to do la cosa by mere imagination , mirando a jolie mosa and with my eyes open, which I never did before – and God forgive me for it, it being in the chapel. Their music very good endeed, but their service I confess too frivolous, that there can be no zeal go along with it; and I do find by them themselfs, that they do run over their beads with one hand, and point and play and talk and make signs with the other in the midst of their Messe. But all things very rich and beautiful. And I see the papists have the wit, most of them, to bring cushions to kneel on; which I wanted, and was mightily troubled to kneel. All being done, and I sorry for my coming, missing of what I expected; which was to have had a child born and dressed there, and a great deal of do, but we broke up and nothing like it done...

29 December 1667

At night comes Mrs. Turner to see us; and there, among other talk, she tells me that Mr. Will Pen, who is lately come over from Ireland, is a Quaker again, or some very melancholy thing; that he cares for no company, nor comes into any - which is a pleasant thing, after his being abroad so long - and his father such a hypocritical rogue, and at this time an Atheist.

30 December 1667

That they do now all they can to vilify the Clergy, and do accuse Rochester (Dolben), of his being given to boys and of his putting his hand into a gentleman (who now comes to bear evidence against him) his codpiece while they were at table together.

6 January 1667/68

<Twelfe Day>

...all by coaches home, where we find my house with good fires and candles ready, and our Office the like, and the two Mercers, and Betty Turner, Pendleton, and W. Batelier. And so with much pleasure we into the house and there fell to dancing, having extraordinary music, two violins, and a base viallin, and Theorbo (four hands), the Duke of Buckingham’s Musique, the best in Towne, sent me by Greeting; and there we set in to dancing. By and by to my house to a very good supper, and mighty merry and good music playing; and after supper to dancing and singing till about 12 at night; and then we had a good sack-posset for them and an excellent Cake, cost me near 20s. of our Jane’s making, which was cut into twenty pieces, there being by this time so many of our company by the coming in of young Goodyer and some others of our neighbours, young men that could dance, hearing of our dancing...
...and they being gone, I paid the fiddlers 3l among the four, and so away to bed, weary and mightily pleased; and have the happiness to reflect upon it as I do sometimes on other things, as going to a play or the like, to be the greatest real comfort that I am to expect in the world, and that it is that that we do really labour in the hopes of; and so I do really enjoy myself, and understand that if I do not do it now, I shall not hereafter, it may be, be able to pay for it or have health to take pleasure in it, and so fool myself with vain expectation of pleasure and go without it.

11 January 1667/68

Thence home, and there to the office and did some business; and so with my wife for half an hour walking by moonlight and, it being cold frosty weather, walking in the garden; and then home to supper, and so by the fireside to have my head combed, as I do now often do, by Deb, whom I love should be fiddling about me; and so to bed.

13 January 1667/68

Thence homeward by coach and stopped at Martins my bookseller, where I saw the French book which I did think to have had for my wife to translate, called L’escholle des Filles; but when I came to look into it, it is the most bawdy, lewd book that ever I saw, rather worse then putana errante - so that I was ashamed of reading in it; and so away home...

22 January 1667/68

...and after supper late to sing; but Lord, how did I please myself to make Betty Turner sing, to see what a beast she is as to singing, not knowing how to sing one note in tune; but only for the experiment I would not for 40s hear her sing a tune - worse then my wife a thousand times, so that it do a little reconcile me to her.

8 February 1667/68

Thence away to the Strand to my book-seller’s, and there stayed an hour and bought the idle, roguish book, L’escholle des Filles; which I have bought in plain binding (avoiding the buying of it better bound) because I resolve, as soon as I have read it, to burn it, that it may not stand in the list of books, nor among them, to disgrace them if it should be found.

9 February 1667/68

Lords day. Up, and at my chamber all the morning and the office, doing business and also reading a little of L’escholle des Filles, which is a mighty lewd book, but yet not amiss for a sober man once to read over to inform himself in the villainy of the world...
We sang till almost night, and drank my good store of wine; and then they parted and I to my chamber, where I did read through L’escholle des Filles; a lewd book, but what doth no wrong to read for information sake (but I did hazer my prick para stand all the while, and una vez to decharger); and after I had done it, I burned it, that it might not be among my books to my shame; and so at night to supper and then to bed.

14 February 1667/68

Thence I attended the King and Council, and some of the rest of us, in a business to be heard about the value of a ship of one Dorrington’s. And it was pretty to observe how, Sir W. Penn making use of this argument against the validity of one Oath against the King, being made by the Maisters mate of the ship, who was but a fellow of about 23 years of age — the Maister of the ship against whom we pleaded did say that he did think himself at that age capable of being master’s mate of any ship at that age; and doth know that he himself, Sir W. Penn, was so himself, and in no better degree at that age himself - which word did strike Sir W. Penn dumb and made him open his mouth no more; and I saw the King and Duke of York wink at one another at it.

24 February 1667/68

I was prettily served this day at the playhouse-door; where giving six shillings into the fellow’s hand for us three, the fellow by legerdemain did convey one away, and with so much grace face me down that I did give him but five, that though I knew the contrary, yet I was overpowered by his so grave and serious demanding the other shilling that I could not deny him, but was forced by myself to give it him.

27 February 1667/68

All the morning at the office, and at noon home to dinner; and thence with my wife and Deb to the King’s House to see Virgin Martyr, the first time it hath been acted a great while, and it is mighty pleasant; not that the play is worth much, but it is finely Acted by Becke Marshall; but that which did please me beyond anything in the whole world was the wind-musique when the Angell comes down, which is so sweet that it ravished me; and endeed, in a word, did wrap up my soul so that it made me really sick, just as I have formerly been when in love with my wife; that neither then, nor all the evening going home and at home, I was able to think of anything, but remained all night transported, so as I could not believe that ever any music hath that real command over the soul of a man as this did upon me; and makes me resolve to practice wind-music and to make my wife do the like.

2 March 1667/68

Mr. Moore was with me, and he do tell me, and so W. Hewers tells me, he hears this morning that all the town is full of the discourse that the Officers of the Navy shall be all turned out but honest Sir Jo. Minnes - who, God knows, is fitter to have been turned out himself than any of us, doing the King more hurt by his dotage and fally than all the rest can do by their knavery if they had a mind to it.

6 March 1667/68

Up betimes, and with Sir D. Gawden to Sir W. Coventry’s chamber, where the first word he said to me was, “Good-morrow, Mr. Pepys, that must be Speaker of the Parliament-house” - and did protest I had got honour for ever in Parliament. He said that his brother, that sat by him, admires me; and another gentleman said that I could not get less than 1000l a year if I would put on a gown and plead at the Chancery-bar. But what pleases me most, he tells me that the Sollicitor generall did protest that he thought I spoke the best of any man in England.

...I to the Duke of York’s lodging and find him going to the parke, it being a very fine morning; and I after him, and as soon as he saw me, he told me with great satisfaction that I had converted a great many yesterday, and did, with great praise of me go on with the discourse with me. And by and by overtaking the King, the King and Duke of York came to me both, and he said, “Mr. Pepys, I am very glad of your success yesterday;” and fell to talk of my well speaking; and many of the Lords there, my Lord Barkeley did cry me up for what they had heard of it; and others, Parliament-men there about the King, did say that they never heard such a speech in their lives delivered in that manner. Progers of the Bedchamber swore to me afterward before Brouncker in the afternoon, that he did tell the King that he thought I might teach the Sollicitor generall. Everybody that saw me almost come to me, as Joseph Williamson and others, with such eulogys as cannot be expressed. From thence I went to Westminster-hall, where I met Mr. G. Montagu; who came to me and kissed me, and told me that he had often heretofore kissed my hands, but now he would kiss my lips, protesting that I was another Cicero, and said all the world said the same of me. Mr. Ashburnham, and every creature I met there of the Parliament or that knew anything of the Parliament’s actings, did salute me with this honour - Mr. Godolphin, Mr. Sands, who swore he would go twenty mile at any time to hear the like again, and that he never saw so many sit four hours together to hear any man in his life as there did to hear me. Mr. Chichly, Sir Jo. Duncom, and everybody doth say that the Kingdom will ring of my ability, and that I have done myself right for my whole life; and so Captain Cocke, and others of my friends, say that no man had ever such an opportunity of making his abilities known And, that I may cite all at once, Mr. Lieutenant of the Tower did tell me that Mr. Vaughan did protest to him, and that in his hearing it, said so to the Duke of Albemarle and afterward to W. Coventry, that he had sat 26 years in Parliament and never heard such a speech there before - for which the Lord God make me thankful, and that I may make use of it not to pride and vainglory, but that now I have this esteem, I may do nothing that may lessen it! I spent the morning thus, walking in the Hall, being complimented by everybody with admiration...

...to wait on the Duke of York; where he again and all the company magnified me, and several in the Gallery; among others, my Lord Gerard, who never knew me before nor spoke to me, desires his being better acquainted with me; and said that, at table where he was, he never heard so much said of any man as of me in his whole life.

24 March 1667/68

Having done here, I out and there met Sir Fr. Hollis, who doth still tell me that above all things in the world he wishes he had my tongue in his mouth; meaning, since my speech in Parliament. He took Lord Brouncker and me down to the guards, he and his company being upon the guards today; and there he did, in a handsome room to that purpose, make us drink, and did call for his Bagpiper; which, with pipes of ebony tipped with silver, he did play beyond anything of that kind that ever I heard in my life. And with great pains he must have obtained it, but with pains that the instrument do not deserve at all; for at the best, it is mighty barbarous music.

27 March 1667/68

...home to dinner, where my wife and I had a small squabble; but I first this day tried the effect of my silence and not provoking her when she is in an ill humour, and do find it very good, for it prevents its coming to that heighth on both sides, which used to exceed what was fit between us. So she became calm by and by, and fond..

29 March 1667/68

And then a stranger preached, a seeming able man; but said in his pulpit that God did a greater work in raising of an oake-tree from an akehorne than a man’s body raising it at the last day from his dust (showing the possibility of the Resurrection); which was methought a strange saying.

31 March 1667/68

...I called Deb to take pen, ink, and paper and write down what things come into my head for my wife to do in order to her going into the country; and the girl writing not so well as she would do, cried, and her mistress construed it to be sullenness and so was angry, and I seemed angry with her too; but going to bed, she undressed me, and there I did give her good advice and beso la, ella weeping still; and yo did take her, the first time in my life, sobra mi genu and did poner mi mano sub her jupes and toca su thigh, which did hazer me great pleasure; and so did no more, but besando-la went to my bed.

1 April 1668

Up, and to dress myself; and called, as I use, Deb to brush and dress me and there I did again as I did the last night con mi mano, but would have tocado su thing; but ella endeavored to prevent me con much modesty by putting su hand there about, which I was well pleased with and would not do too much, and so con great kindness dismissed la; and I to my office, where busy till noon, and then out to bespeak some things against my wife's going into the country tomorrow.

7 April 1668

...whither came my Lady Kerneagy, of whom Creed tells me more perticularly: how her Lord, finding her and the Duke of York at the King’s first coming in too kind, did get it out of her that he did dishonour him; and so bid her continue to let him, and himself went to the foulest whore he could find, that he might get the pox; and did, and did give his wife it on purpose, that she (and he persuaded and threatened her that she should) might give it the Duke of York; which she did, and he did give it the Duchesse; and since, all her children are thus sickly and infirm - which is the most pernicious and full piece of revenge that ever I heard of. And he at this day owns it with great glory, and looks upon the Duke of York and the world with great content in the ampleness of his revenge.

From 10th - 20th April Pepys didn't have time to write his diary. Instead, he had his rough notes for the period bound into the diary. This gives us a fascinating insight into how he wrote his diary. He kept notes in his pocket on pieces of paper of all his financial transactions, items of business and other matters as well as reminders of what he wanted to put in the diary. Here's a couple of pages of the modern transcription to give you an idea:

21 April 1668

..and in my coming had the opportunity, the first time in my life, to be bold with Knepp by putting my hand abaxo de her coats and tocar su thighs and venter – and a little of the other thing, ella but a little opposing me; su skin very douce and I mightily pleased with this; and so left her at home...

22 April 1668

...the King and the Duke of York were in the new buildings; and the Duke of York called to me whither I was going and I answered aloud, “To wait on our Maisters at Westminster;” at which he and all the company laughed; but I was sorry and troubled for it afterward, for fear any Parliament-man should have been there, and will be a caution to me for the time to come.

5 May 1668

One thing of familiarity I observed in my Lady Castlemayne; she called to one of her women, another that sat by this, for a little patch off her face, and put it into her mouth and wetted it and so clapped it upon her own by the side of her mouth, I suppose she feeling a pimple rising there.

6 May 1668

Here met with Mrs. Washington, my old acquaintance of the Hall, whose husband hath a place in the Excise at Windsor, and it seems lives well. I have not seen her these eight or nine years, and she begins to grow old I can perceive, visibly. So time doth alter, and doth doubtless the like in myself.

...to Mrs. Pierce’s back again, where she was, and there I found her on a pallet in the dark, where yo did poner mi manos under her jupe and tocar su cosa and waked her; that is, Knipp.

...and then I did see our Nell, Payne’s daughter, and her yo did desear venga after migo, and so elle did seque me to, Tower-hill to our back entry there that comes upon the degres entrant into nostra garden; and there, ponendo the key in the door, yo tocar sus mamelles con mi mano and su cosa with mi cosa et yo did dar-la a shilling; and so parted, and yo home to put up things against tomorrow’s carrier for my wife; and, among others, a very fine salmon-pie, sent me by Mr. Steventon, W. Hewer’s uncle; and so to bed.

7 May 1668

Thence called Knepp from the King’s house; where going in for her, the play being done, I did see Becke Marshall come dressed off of the stage, and looks mighty fine and pretty, and noble - and also Nell in her boy’s clothes, mighty pretty; but Lord, their confidence, and how many men do hover about them as soon as they come off the stage, and how confident they are in their talk. Here I did kiss the pretty woman newly come, called Pegg, that was Sir Ch. Sidly’s mistress - a mighty pretty woman, and seems, but is not, modest.

11 May 1668

But there happened one thing which vexed me; which is, that the orange-woman did come in the pit and challenge me for twelve oranges which she delivered by my order at a late play at night, to give to some ladies in a box, which was wholly untrue, but yet she swore it to be true; but however, I did deny it and did not pay her, but for quiet did buy 4s worth of oranges of her - at 6d a piece.

15 May 1668

I am told also that the Countesse of Shrewsbery is brought home by the Duke of Buckingham to his house; where his Duchess saying that it was not for her and the other to live together in a house, he answered, “Why, Madam, I did think so; and therefore have ordered your coach to be ready to carry you to your father’s;” which was a devilish speech, but they say true; and my Lady Shrewsbry is there, it seems.

18 May 1668

vexed in going in to see a son of Sir Heneage Finche’s beating of a poor little dog to death, letting it lie in so much pain that made me mad to see it; till by and by, the servants of the house chiding of their young maister, one of them come with a thong and killed the dog outright presently.

So back by water to Westminster Palace and there got a coach who carried us as far as the Minorys, and there something of the traces broke, and we forced to light and walked to Mrs. Horsfields house, it being a long and bad way, and dark; and having there put her in a-doors, her husband being in bed, we left her; and so back to our coach, where the coachman had put it in order, but could not find his whip in the dark a great while, which made us stay long; at last getting a neighbour to hold a candle out of their window, Mercer found it, and so away; we home at almost 12 at night; and setting them both at their homes, I home and to bed.

19 May1668

...the King begins to be mightily reclaimed, and sups every night with great pleasure with the Queene; and yet it seems he is mighty hot upon the Duchess of Richmond; insomuch that upon Sunday was sennit, at night, after he had ordered his guards and coach to be ready to carry him to the park, he did on a sudden take a pair of oars or sculler, and all alone, or but one with him, go to Somerset-house and there, the garden-door not being open, himself clamber over the walls to make a visit to her where she is, which is a horrid shame.

10 June 1668

So all over the plain by the sight of the steeple (the plain high and low) to Salsbury by night but before came to the town I saw a great fortification and there light and to it and in it and find it prodigious so as to fright me to be in it all alone at that time of night it being dark. I understand it since to be that that is called Old Sarum. Came to the George Inne, where lay in a silk bed and very good diet. To supper. Then to bed.

12 June 1668

Up finding our beds good but we lousy. Which made us merry...

17 June 1668

By and by home and there with my people to supper all in pretty good humour though I find my wife hath something in her gizzard that which waits an opportunity of being provoked to bring up. But I will not for my content sake give it.

18 June 1668

At noon home to dinner, where my wife still in a melancholy fusty humour, and crying; and doth not tell me plainly what it is, but I by little words find that she hath heard of my going to plays and carrying people abroad every day in her absence; and that I cannot help, but the storm will break out, I know, in a little time. After dinner carried her by coach to St. James’s, where she sat in the coach till I to my Lady Peterborough’s… So, my wife not speaking a word going nor coming, nor willing to go to a play, though a new one, I to the office and did much business. At night home, where supped Mr. Turner and his wife, and Betty and Mercer and Pelling, as merry as the ill melancholy humour that my wife was in would let us; which vexed me, but I took no notice of it, thinking that will be the best way, and let it wear away itself.
After supper, parted, and to bed; and my wife troubled all night, and about one a-clock goes out of the bed to the girl’s bed; which did trouble me, she crying and sobbing, without telling the cause. By and by she comes back to me, and still crying; I then rose, and would have sat up all night, but she would have me come to bed again; and being pretty well pacified, we to sleep;
<19>when between 2 and 3 in the morning, we were waked with my maids crying out, “Fire! Fire! in Marke lane!” So I rose and looked out, and it was dreadful; and strange apprehensions in me, and us all, of being presently burnt: so we all rose, and my care presently was to secure my gold, and plate, and papers, and could quickly have done it, but I went forth to see where it was, and the whole town was presently in the streets; and I found it in a new-built house that stood alone in Minchin-lane, over against the Clothworkers-hall - which burned furiously, the house not yet quite finished. And the benefit of brick was well seen, for it burnt all inward and fell down within itself; so no fear of doing more hurt. So homeward... ...and there we to bed again, and slept pretty well. And about 9 rose; and then my wife fell into her blubbering again and at length had a request to make to me, which was that she might go into France and live there out of trouble: and then all came out, that I loved pleasure and denied her any, and a deal of do; and I find that there have been great fallings-out between my father and her, whom for ever hereafter I must keep asunder, for they cannot possibly agree. And I said nothing; but with very mild words and few suffered her humour to spend, till we begin to be very quiet and I think all will be over, and friends; and so I to the office...

30 June 1668

Up and at the office all the morning. Then home to dinner, where a stinking leg of mutton - the weather being very wet and hot to keep meat in.

23 July 1668

Up, and all day long but at dinner at the office, at work till I was almost blind, which makes my heart sad.

18 August 1668

This night yo did hazer Deb tocar mi thing with her hand after yo was in lecto – with great pleasure.

19 August 1668

In the evening, being busy above, a great cry I hear, and go down; and what should it be but Jane, in a fit of direct raveing which lasted half-an-hour; beyond four or five of our strength to keep her down. And when all came to all, a fit of jealousy about Tom, with whom she is in love. So at night, I and my wife and W Hewer called them to us, and there I did examine all the thing, and them in league. She in love, and he hath got her to promise him to marry, and he is now cold in it - so that I must rid my hands of them. Which troubles me, and the more because my head is now busy upon other greater things.

22 August 1668

And going through Leaden-hall, it being market-day, I did see a woman ketched that had stolen a shoulder of mutton off of a butcher’s stall, and carrying it wrapped up in a cloth in a basket. The jade was surprized, and did not deny it; and the woman so silly that took it as to let her go, only taking the meat.

14 September 1668

Up betimes, and walked to the Temple and stopped, viewing the Exchange and Paul’s and St. Fayth’s; where strange how the very sight of the stones falling from the top of the steeple doth make me sea-sick. But no hurt, I hear, hath yet happened in all this work of the steeple - which is very much.

15 September 1668

...to the King’s playhouse, to see a new play, acted but yesterday, a translation out of French by Dryden called The Ladys a la Mode; so mean a thing, as when they came to say it would be acted again tomorrow, both he that said it, Beeson, and the pit fell a-laughing - there being this day not a quarter of the pit full.

16 September 1668

Up; and dressing myself, I did begin para tocar the breasts of my maid Jane, which ella did give way to more than usual heretofore, so as I have a design to try more what I can bring it to.

I stopped too at Paul’s, and there did go into St. Fayth’s church and also into the body of the west part of the church, and do see a hideous sight, of the walls of the church ready to fall, that I was in fear as long as I was in it. And here I saw the great vaults underneath the body of the church. No hurt, I hear, is done yet, since their going to pull down the church and steeple; but one man, on Monday this week, fell from the top to a piece of the roof of the east end that stands next the steeple, and there broke himself all to pieces. It is pretty here, to see how the last church was but a case brought over the old church; for you may see the very old pillars standing whole within the wall of this.

21 September 1668

So giving them a bottle or two of wine, I away with Payne the waterman; he, seeing me at the play, did get a link to light me, and so light me to the Beare, where Bland my waterman waited for me with gold and other things he kept for me, to the value of 40l and more, which I had about me for fear of my pockets being cut.

28 September 1668

Here I also, standing by a candle that was brought for sealing of a letter, do set my periwigg a-fire; which made such an odd noise, nobody could tell what it was till they saw the flame, my back being to the candle.

12 October 1668

...after supper to read a ridiculous nonsensical book set out by Will Pen for the Quakers; but so full of nothing but nonsense that I was ashamed to read in it.

[Written from Newgate, where Penn was imprisoned: Truth exalted; in a short, but sure, testimony against those religions, faiths and worships that have been formed and followed in the darkness of apostacy. By William Penn the Younger, whom Divine Love constrains in a holy contempt to trample on Egypt’s glory, not fearing the King’s wrath, having beheld the Majesty of him who is invisible.]

25 October 1668

Lords day.

...after supper, to have my head combed by Deb, which occasioned the greatest sorrow to me that ever I knew in this world; for my wife, coming up suddenly, did find me imbracing the girl con my hand sub su coats; and endeed, I was with my main in her cunny. I was at a wonderful loss upon it, and the girl also; and I endeavoured to put it off, but my wife was struck mute and grew angry, and as her voice came to her, grew quite out of order; and I do say little, but to bed; and my wife said little also, but could not sleep all night; but about 2 in the morning waked me and cried, and fell to tell me as a great secret that she was a Roman Catholique and had received the Holy Sacrament; which troubled me, but I took no notice of it, but she went on from one thing to another, till at last it appeared plainly her trouble was at what she saw; but yet I did not know how much she saw and therefore said nothing to her. But after her much crying and reproaching me with inconstancy and preferring a sorry girl before her, I did give her no provocations but did promise all fair usage to her and love, and foreswore any hurt that I did with her - till at last she seemed to be at ease again; and so toward morning, a little sleep; and so I, with some little repose and rest,
<<26>>rose, and up and by water to White-hall, but with my mind mightily troubled for the poor girl, whom I fear I have undone by this, my wife telling me that she would turn her out of door.

Thence by coach home and to dinner, finding my wife mightily discontented and the girl sad, and no words from my wife to her. So after dinner, they out with me about two or three things, and so home again, I all the evening busy and my wife full of trouble in her looks; and anon to bed - where about midnight, she wakes me, and there falls foul of me again, affirming that she saw me hug and kiss the girl; the latter I denied, and truly; the other I confessed and no more. And upon her pressing me, did offer to give her under my hand that I would never see Mrs. Pierce more, nor Knepp, but did promise her perticular demonstrations of my true love to her, owning some indiscretions in what I did, but that there was no harm in it. She at last upon these promises was quiet, and very kind we were, and so to sleep;
<<27>> and in the morning up, but my mind troubled for the poor girle, with whom I could not get opportunity to speak; but to the office, my mind mighty full of sorrow for her

...my wife did towards bedtime begin to be in a mighty rage from some new matter that she had got in her head, and did most part of the night in bed rant at me in most high terms, of threats of publishing my shame; and when I offered to rise, would have rose too, and caused a candle to be lit, to burn by her all night in the chimney while she ranted; while I, that knew myself to have given some grounds for it, did make it my business to appease her all I could possibly, and by good words and fair promises did make her very quiet, and so rested all night and rose with perfect good peace, being heartily afflicted for this folly of mine that did occasion it; but was forced to be silent about the girl, which I have no mind to part with, but much less that the poor girl should be undone by my folly.
<<28>>So up, with mighty kindness from my wife and a thorough peace; and being up, did by a note advise the girl what I had done and owned, which note I was in pain for till she told me she had burned it.

...and at night to supper and to bed, my wife and I at good peace, but yet with some little grudgeings of trouble in her, and more in me, about the poor girl.

31 October 1668

So ends this month, with some quiet to my mind, though not perfect, after the greatest falling out with my poor wife, and through my folly with the girl, that ever I had; and I have reason to be sorry and ashamed of it - and more, to be troubled for the poor girl’s sake; whom I fear I shall by this means prove the ruin of - though I shall think myself concerned both to love and be a friend to her.

3 November 1668

So home, and there to supper; and I observed my wife to eye my eyes whether I did ever look upon Deb; which I could not, but do now and then (and to my grief did see the poor wretch look on me and see me look on her, and then let drop a tear or two; which doth make my heart relent at this minute that I am writing this, with great trouble of mind, for she is indeed my sacrifice, poor girl); and my wife did tell me in bed, by the by, of my looking on other people, and that the only way is to put things out of sight; and this I know she means by Deb, for she tells me that her aunt was here on Monday and she did tell her of her desire of parting with Deb; but in such kind terms on both sides, that my wife is mightily taken with her. I see it will be, and it is but necessary; and therefore, though it cannot but grieve me, yet I must bring my mind to give way to it.

8 November 1668

Lords day.

Up, and at my chamber all the morning, setting papers to rights with my boy. And so to dinner at noon, the girl with us; but my wife troubled thereat to see her, and doth tell me so; which troubles me, for I love the girl. At my chamber again to work all the afternoon till night, when Pelling comes, who wonders to find my wife so dull and melancholy; but God knows, she hath too much cause. However, as pleasant as we can, we supped together; and so made the boy read to me, the poor girl not appearing at supper, but hides herself in her chamber - so that I could wish in that respect that she was out of the house, for our peace is broke to all of us while she is here. And so to bed - where my wife mighty unquiet all night, so as my bed is become burdensome to me.

9 November 1668

Up, and I did, by a little note which I flung to Deb, advise her that I did continue to deny that ever I kissed her, and so she might govern herself. The truth is that I did adventure upon God’s pardoning me this lie, knowing how heavy a thing it would be for me to the ruin of the poor girl; and next, knowing that if my wife should know all, it were impossible ever for her to be at peace with me again - and so our whole lives would be uncomfortable. The girl read, and as I bid her, returned me the note, flinging it to me in passing by.

10 November 1668

Up, and my wife still every day as ill as she is all night; will rise to see me out doors, telling me plainly that she dares not let me see the girl; and so I out to the office, where all the morning; and so home to dinner, where I find my wife mightily troubled again, more than ever, and she tells me that it is from her examining the girl and getting a confession now from her of all, even to the very tocando su thing with my hand - which doth mightily trouble me, as not being able to foresee the consequences of it as to our future peace together. So my wife would not go down to dinner, but I would dine in her chamber with her; and there, after mollifying her as much as I could, we were pretty quiet and eat; and by and by comes Mr. Hollier, and dines there by himself after we had dined. And he being gone, we to talk again, and she to be troubled, reproaching me with my unkindness and perjury, I having denied my ever kissing her - as also with all her old kindnesses to me, and my ill-using of her from the beginning, and the many temptations she hath refused out of faithfulness to me; whereof several she was perticular in, and especially from my Lord Sandwich, by the sollicitation of Captain Ferrer; and then afterward, the courtship of my Lord Hinchingbrooke, even to the trouble of his Lady. All which I did acknowledge and was troubled for, and wept; and at last pretty good friends again, and so I to my office and there late, and so home to supper with her; and so to bed, where after half-an-hour’s slumber she wakes me and cries out that she should never sleep more, and so kept raving till past midnight, that made me cry and weep heartily all the while for her, and troubled for what she reproached me with as before; and at last, with new vows, and perticularly that I would myself bid the girl be gone, and show my dislike to her - which I will endeavour to perform, but with much trouble. And so this appeasing her, we to sleep as well as we could till morning.

11 November 1668

...I home and to supper and to bed; where after lying a little while, my wife starts up, and with expressions of affright and madness, as one frantic, would rise; and I would not let her, but burst out in tears myself; and so continued almost half the night, the moon shining so that it was light; and after much sorrow and reproaches and little ravings (though I am apt to think they were counterfeit from her), and my promise again to discharge the girl myself, all was quiet again, and so to sleep.

12 November 1668

And so having dined, we parted, and I to my wife and to sit with her a little; and then called her and Willet to my chamber, and there did with tears in my eyes, which I could not help, discharge her and advise her to be gone as soon as she could, and never to see me, or let me see her more while she was in the house; which she took with tears too, but I believe understands me to be her friend; and I am apt to believe by what my wife hath of late told me, is a Cunning girl, if not a slut. Thence, parting kindly with my wife, I away by coach to my Cosen Roger, according as by mistake (which the trouble of my mind for some days has occasioned, in this and another case a day or two before) is set down in yesterday’s notes...

13 November 1668

Thence I home, and there to talk, with great pleasure all the evening with my wife, who tells me that Deb hath been abroad today, and is come home and says she has got a place to go to, so as she will be gone tomorrow morning. This troubled me; and the truth is, I have a great mind to have the maidenhead of this girl, which I should not doubt to have if yo could get time para be con her - but she will be gone and I not know whither. Before we went to bed, my wife told me she would not have me to see her or give her her wages; and so I did give my wife 10l for her year and half-a-quarter’s wages, which she went into her chamber and paid her; and so to bed, and there, blessed be God, we did sleep well and with peace, which I had not done in now almost twenty nights together.

14 November 1668

Up, and had a mighty mind to have seen or given a note to Deb or to have given her a little money; to which purpose I wrapped up 40s in paper, thinking to give her; but my wife rose presently, and would not let me be out of her sight; and went down before me into the kitchen, and came up and told me that she was in the kitchen, and therefore would have me go round the other way; which she repeating, and I vexed at it, answered her a little angrily; upon which she instantly flew out into a rage, calling me dog and rogue, and that I had a rotten heart; all which, knowing that I deserved it, I bore with; and word being brought presently up that she was gone away by coach with her things, my wife was friends; and so all quiet, and I to the office with my heart sad, and find that I cannot forget the girl, and vexed I know not where to look for her - and more troubled to see how my wife is by this means likely for ever to have her hand over me, that I shall for ever be a slave to her; that is to say, only in matters of pleasure, but in other things she will make her business, I know, to please me and to keep me right to her - which I will labour to be endeed, for she deserves it of me, though it will be I fear a little time before I shall be able to wear Deb out of my mind.

And so at night home to supper, and there did sleep with great content with my wife. I must here remember that I have lain with my moher as a husband more times since this falling-out than in I believe twelve months before - and with more pleasure to her then I think in all the time of our marriage before.

15 November 1668

...and so to supper and to bed, with my mind pretty quiet; and less troubled about Deb then I was, though yet I am troubled I must confess, and would be glad to find her out - though I fear it would be my ruin. This evening there come to sit with us Mr. Pelling, who wondered to see my wife and I so dumpish; but yet it went off only as my wife’s not being well; and poor wretch, she hath no cause to be well, God knows.

17 November 1668

At my office all the afternoon and at night, busy; and so home to my wife, and pretty pleasant and at mighty ease in my mind, being in hopes to find Deb, and without trouble or the knowledge of my wife.

18 November 1668

Lay long in bed, talking with my wife, she being unwilling to have me go abroad, being and declaring herself jealous of my going out, for fear of my going to Deb; which I do deny - for which God forgive me, for I was no sooner out about noon but I did go by coach directly to Somerset-house and there enquired among the porters there for Dr. Allbun; and the first I spoke with told me he knew him, and that he was newly gone into Lincoln’s Inn fields, but whither he could not tell me, but that one of his fellows, not then in the way, did carry a chest of drawers thither with him, and that when he comes he would ask him. This put me into some hopes; and I to White-hall, and thence to Mr. Povy’s, but he at dinner; and therefore I away and walked up and down the Strand between the two turnstiles, hoping to see her out of a window; and then imployed a porter, one Osbeston, to find out this Doctors lodgings thereabouts; who by appointment comes to me to Hercules-pillars, where I dined alone, but tells me that he cannot find out any such but will enquire further. Thence back to White-hall to the Treasury a while, and thence to the Strand; and towards night did meet with the porter that carried the chest of drawers with this Doctor, but he would not tell me where he lived, being his good maister he told me; but if I would have a message to him, he would deliver it. At last, I told him my business was not with him, but a little gentlewoman, one Mrs. Willet, that is with him; and sent him to see how she did, from her friend in London, and no other token. He goes while I walk in Somerset-house - walk there in the Court; at last he comes back and tells me she is well, and that I may see her if I will - but no more. So I could not be commanded by my reason, but I must go this very night; and so by coach, it being now dark, I to her, close by my tailor’s; and she came into the coach to me, and yo did besar her and tocar her thing, but ella was against it an labored with much earnestness, such as I believed to be real; and yet at last yo did make her tener mi cosa in her mano, while me mano was sobra her pectus, and so did hazer with grand delight. I did nevertheless give her the best council I could, to have a care of her honour, and to fear God and suffer no man para haver to do con her - as yo have done - which she promised. Yo did give her 20s and directions para laisser sealed in paper at any time the name of the place of her being, at Herringman’s, my bookseller in the Change - by which I might go para her. And so bid her good-night, with much content to my mind, and resolution to look after her no more till I heard from her. And so home, and there told my wife a fair tale, God knows, how I spent the whole day; with which the poor wretch was satisfied, or at least seemed so; and so to supper and to bed, she having been mighty busy all day in getting of her house in order against tomorrow to hang up our new hangings and furnishing our best chamber.

19 November 1668

Up, and at the Office all the morning, with my heart full of joy to think in what a safe condition all my matters now stand between my wife and Deb and me; and at noon, running up stairs to see the upholsters, who are at work upon hanging my best room and setting up my new bed, I find my wife sitting sad in the dining-room; which inquiring into the reason of, she begun to call me all the false, rotten-hearted rogues in the world, letting me understand that I was with Deb yesterday; which, thinking it impossible for her ever to understand, I did a while deny; but at last did, for the ease of my mind and hers, and for ever to discharge my heart of this wicked business, I did confess all; and above-stairs in our bed chamber there, I did endure the sorrow of her threats and vows and curses all the afternoon. And which was worst, she swore by all that was good that she would slit the nose of this girl, and be gone herself this very night from me; and did there demand 3 or 400l of me to buy my peace, that she might be gone without making any noise, or else protested that she would make all the world know of it. So, with most perfect confusion of face and heart, and sorrow and shame, in the greatest agony in the world, I did pass this afternoon, fearing that it will never have an end; but at last I did call for W. Hewers, who I was forced to make privy now to all; and the poor fellow did cry like a child and obtained what I could not, that she would be pacified, upon condition that I would give it under my hand never to see or speak with Deb while I live, as I did before with Pierce and Knepp; and which I did also, God knows, promise for Deb too, but I have the confidence to deny it to the perjuring of myself. So before it was late, there was, beyond my hopes as well as desert, a tolerable peace; and so to supper, and pretty kind words, and to bed, and there yo did hazer con ella to her content; and so with some rest spent the night in bed, being most absolutely resolved, if ever I can maister this bout, never to give her occasion while I live of more trouble of this or any other kind, there being no curse in the world so great as this of the differences between myself and her; and therefore I do by the grace of God promise never to offend her more, and did this night begin to pray to God upon my knees alone in my chamber; which God knows I cannot yet do heartily, but I hope God will give me the grace more and more every day to fear Him, and to be true to my poor wife. This night the Upholsters did finish the hanging of my best chamber, but my sorrow and trouble is so great about this business, that put me out of all joy in looking upon it or minding how it was.

20 November 1668

This morning up, with mighty kind words between my poor wife and I; and so to White-hall by water, W. Hewer with me, who is to go with me everywhere, until my wife be in condition to go out along with me herself; for she doth plainly declare that she dares not trust me out alone, and therefore made it a piece of our league that I should alway take somebody with me, or her herself; which I am mighty willing to, being, by the grace of God resolved never to do her wrong more.

...in my way I telling him plainly and truly my resolutions, if I can get over this evil, never to give new occasion for it. He is, I think, so honest and true a servant to us both, and one that loves us, that I was not much troubled at his being privy to all this, but rejoiced in my heart that I had him to assist in the making us friends; which he did truly and heartily, and with good success - for I did get him to go to Deb to tell her that I had told my wife all of my being with her the other night, that so if my wife should send, she might not make the business worse by denying it.

...W. Hewer did go to her and come back again; and so I took him into St. James’s park, and there he did tell me he had been with her and found what I said about my manner of being with her true, and had given her advice as I desired. I did there enter into more talk about my wife and myself, and he did give me great assurance of several perticular cases to which my wife had from time to time made him privy of her loyalty and truth to me after many and great temptations, and I believe them truly.

But when I come home, hoping for a further degree of peace and quiet, I find my wife upon her bed in a horrible rage afresh, calling me all the bitter names; and rising, did fall to revile me in the bitterest manner in the world, and could not refrain to strike me and pull my hair; which I resolved to bear with, and had good reason to bear it. So I by silence and weeping did prevail with her a little to be quiet, and she would not eat her dinner without me; but yet by and by into a raging fit she fell again, worse then before, that she would slit the girl’s nose; and at last W. Hewer came in and came up, who did allay her fury, I flinging myself in a sad desperate condition, upon the bed in the blue room, and there lay while they spoke together; and at last it come to this, that if I would call Deb “whore” under my hand and write to her that I hated her, and would never see her more, she would believe me and trust in me - which I did agree to; only, as to the name of “whore” I would have excused, and therefore wrote to her sparing that word; which my wife thereupon tore it, and would not be satisfied till, W. Hewer winking upon me, I did write so with the name of a whore, as that I did fear she might too probably have been prevailed upon to have been a whore by her carriage to me, and therefore, as such, I did resolve never to see her more. This pleased my wife, and she gives it W. Hewer to carry to her, with a sharp message from her. So from that minute my wife begun to be kind to me, and we to kiss and be friends, and so continued all the evening, and fell to talk of other matters...

...I to my wife again, and so spent the evening with very great joy, and the night also, with good sleep and rest, my wife only troubled in her rest, but less than usual - for which the God of Heaven be praised. I did this night promise to my wife never to go to bed without calling upon God upon my knees by prayer; and I begun this night, and hope I shall never forget to do the like all my life - for I do find that it is much the best for my soul and body to live pleasing to God and my poor wife - and will ease me of much care as well as much expense.

21 November 1668

Up, with great joy to my wife and me, and to the office, where W. Hewer did most honestly bring me back the part of my letter to Deb wherein I called her “whore”, assuring me that he did not show it her - and that he did only give her to understand that wherein I did declare my desire never to see her, and did give her the best Christian counsel he could; which was mighty well done of him. But by the grace of God, though I love the poor girl and wish her well, as having gone too far toward the undoing her, yet I will never enquire after or think of her more - my peace being certainly to do right to my wife.

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