I went home and took my wife and went to my cosen, Thomas Pepys, and found them just sat down to dinner, which was very good; only the venison pasty was palpable beef, which was not handsome.
...and from thence after a great and good dinner Mr. Falconberge would go drink a cup of ale at a place where I had like to have shit in a skimmer that lay over the house of office.
So to White Hall; where I staid to hear the trumpets and kettle-drums, and then the other drums, which are much cried up, though I think it dull, vulgar musique.
Mr. Moore told me of a picture hung up at the Exchange of a great pair of buttocks shooting of a turd into Lawson's mouth, and over it was wrote "The thanks of the house."
Here I lay all night in the old chamber which I had now given up to W. Howe, with whom I did intend to lie, but he and I fell to play with one another, so that I made him to go lie with Mr. Sheply. So I lay alone all night.
This morning one came to me to advise with me where to make me a window into my cellar in lieu of one which Sir W. Batten had stopped up, and going down into my cellar to look I stepped into a great heap of turds by which I found that Mr. Turner's house of office is full and comes into my cellar, which do trouble me, but I shall have it helped.
Up earely and to Sir W. Battens. But would not go in till I asked whether they that opened the door was a man or a woman. And Mingo, who was there, answered "a Woman;" which, with his tone, made me laugh.
Batten's black manservant shows his sense of humour (traditionally, the first person of the opposite sex one saw on Valentine's day became one's Valentine).
...and among other things met with Mr. Townsend, who told of his mistake the other day, to put both his legs through one of his knees of his breeches, and went so all day.
Then comes Mr. Allen of Chatham, and I took him to the Mitre and there did drink with him, and did get of him the song that pleased me so well there the other day, of Shitten come Shites the beginning of love.
Here's the link to the ballad Pepys is referring to: http://ebba.english.ucsb.edu/ballad/32895/xml
Here Mr. Batersby the apothecary was, who told me that if my uncle had the emerods (which I think he had) and that now they are stopped, he will lay his life that bleeding behind by leeches will cure him, but I am resolved not to meddle in it.
To Westminster; where at Mr. Mountagu's chamber I heard a Frenchman play .... upon the Gittar most extreme well; though, at the best, methinks it is but a bawble.
(It'll never catch on!)
...so rode easily to Welling - where we supped well and had two beds in the room and so lay single; and must remember it that, of all the nights that ever I slept in my life, I never did pass a night with more epicurism of sleep - there being now and then a noise of people stirring that waked me; and then it was a very rainy night; and then I was a little weary, that what between waking and then sleeping again, one after another, I never had so much content in all my life. And so my wife says it was with her.
I home - where I find my wife vexed at her people for grumbling to eat Suffolk cheese - which I also am vexed at.
At noon, my wife being gone to my Cosen Snow's with Dr. Tho. Pepys and my brother Tom. to a venison pasty (which proved a pasty of salted pork)...
...he tells me it is a very poor dirty place - I mean the City and Court of Lisbone. That the King is a very rude and simple fellow; and for reviling of somebody a little while ago and calling of him cuckold, was run into the cods with a sword, and had been killed had he not told them that he was their king.
To bed, and this night begin to lie in the little green Chamber where the maids lie; but we could not a great while get Nell to lie there, because I lie there and my wife; but at last, when she saw she must lie there or sit up, she with much ado came to bed.
...and then my wife and I to church and there in the pew, with the rest of the company, was Captain Holmes in his gold-laced suit; at which I was troubled, because of the old business which he attempted upon my wife. So with my mind troubled, I sat still; but by and by I took occasion from the rain now holding up (it raining when we came into the church) to put my wife in mind of going to the christening (which she was invited to) of N. Osbornes child. Which she did; and so went out of the pew and my mind was eased.
Waking this morning out of my sleep on a sudden, I did with my elbow hit my wife a great blow over her face and nose, which waked her with pain - at which I was sorry. And to sleep again.
To church in the morning, where Mr. Mills preached upon Christ's being offered up for our sins. And there, proveing the æquity with what Justice God would lay our sins upon his Son, he did make such a sermon (among other things, pleading from God's universal Soverainty over all his Creatures, the power he has of commanding what he would of his Son, by the same rule as that he might have made us all and the whole world from the beginning to have been in hell, arguing from the power the potter has over his clay), that I could have wished he had let it alone. And speaking again, that God the Father is now so satisfyd by our Security for our debt, that we might say at the last day, as many of us as have interest in Christ's death - Lord, we owe thee nothing - our debt is paid - we are not beholden to thee for anything, for thy debt is paid to thee to the full - which methinks were very bold words.
...at noon to my Lord Crewes - where one Mr. Templer (an ingenious [man] and a person of honour he seems to be) dined; and discoursing of the nature of Serpents, he told us some that in the waste places of Lancashire do grow to a great bigness, and that do feed upon larkes, which they take thus - they observe when the lark is soared to the highest, and do crawle till they come to be just underneath them; and there they place themselfs with their mouths uppermost, and there (as is conceived) they do eject poyson up to the bird; for the bird doth suddenly come down again in its course of a circle, and falls directly into the mouth of the serpent - which is very strange. He is a great traveller; and speaking of the Tarantula, he says that all the harvest long (about which times they are most busy) there are fidlers go up and down the fields everywhere, [in] expectation of being hired by those that are stung.
Home; and to be as good as my word, I bid Will get me a rod, and he and I called the boy up to one of the upper rooms of the Controllers house toward the garden, and there I reckoned all his faults and whipped him soundly; but the rods were so small that I fear they did not much hurt to him, but only to my arme, which I am already, within a Quarter of an houre, not able to stir almost. After supper, to bed.
I was much troubled today to see a dead man lie floating upon the waters; and had done (they say) these four days and nobody takes him up to bury him, which is very barbarous.
Thence to the Chappell, and there, though crowded, heard a very honest sermon before the King by a Canon of Christ Church - upon these words: "Having a forme of godlinesse but denying," &c. Among other things, did much insist upon the sin of adultery - which methought might touch the King and the more because he forced it into his sermon, methought besides his text.
This morning, sending the boy down into the cellar for some beer, I fallowed him with a cane, and did there beat him for his staying of arrands and other faults, and his sister came to me down and begged for him: so I forebore. And afterwards in my wife's chamber did there talk to Jane how much I did love the boy for her sake and how much it doth concern to correct the boy for his faults, or else he would be undone. So at last she was well pleased.
[Waynman Birch was dismissed in July 1663, and in the following November was packed off to Barbados. He was a 'pretty well-looked boy' and had been in Pepys's service since September 1660. His escapades included one small explosion, an attempt at running away and 'strange things...not fit to name'.]
...walking into White-hall garden; and in the privy Garden saw the finest smocks and linen petticoats of my Lady Castlemaynes, laced with rich lace at the bottomes, that ever I saw; and did me good to look upon them.
He hath also sent each of us some anchoves, Olives, and Muscatt; but I know not yet what that is, and am ashamed to ask.
Lord's day. To trimming myself, which I have this week done every morning, with a pumice stone, which I learnt of Mr. Marsh when I was last at Portsmouth; and I find it very easy, speedy and cleanly, and shall continue the practice of it.
...we all went out to the Tower hill; and there, over against the Scaffold, made on purpose this day, saw Sir Henry Vane brought. A very great press of people. He made a long speech, many times interrupted by the Sheriffe and others there; and they would have taken his paper out of his hand, but he would not let it go. But they caused all the books of those that writ after him to be given the Sheriffe; and the Trumpets were brought under the scaffold, that he might not be heard...
...And so fitted himself for the block, and received the blow. He had a blister or Issue upon his neck, which he desired them not hurt. He changed not his colour or speech to the last, but died justifying himself and the cause he had stood for; and spoke very confidently of his being presently at the right hand of Christ. And in all things appeared the most resolved man that ever died in that manner, and showed more of heate than cowardize, but yet with all humility and gravity.
...took Commissioner Pett home with me to dinner, where my stomach was turned when my sturgeon came to table, upon which I saw very many little worms creeping, which I suppose was through the staleness of the pickle.
Up betimes and to my office, where I found Griffens girl making it clean; but God forgive me, what a mind I have to her, but did not meddle with her. She being gone, I fell upon boring holes for me to see from my closet into the great office, without going forth, wherein I please myself much.
This day, among other stories, he told me how despicable a thing it is to be a hangman is in poleland, although it be a place of credit. And that in his time there was some repairs to be made of the gallowes there, which was very fine of stone; but nobody could be got to mend it till the Burgo-Maister or Mayor of the towne, with all the companies of those trades which were necessary to be used about those repairs, did go in their habits, with flags, in solemn procession to the place, and there the Burgo-Maister did give the first blow with the hammer upon the wooden work, and the rest of the Maisters of the Companies upon the works belonging to their trades, that so, workmen might not be ashamed to be employed upon doing of the gallows-works.
[The hangman often had difficulty in finding a wife: in Cracow females under sentence of death were spared if they would marry an executioner.]
And among other pretty discourse, some was of Sir Jerom Bowes, Embassador from Queene Elizabeth to the Emperor of Russia - who, because some of the noblemen there would go up the stairs to the Emperor before him, he would not go up till the Emperor had ordered those two men to be dragged downstair, with their heads knocking upon every stair till they were killed. And when he was come up, they demanded his sword of him before he entered the room. He told them, if they would have his sword, they should have his boots too; and so caused his boots to be pulled off and his night-gown and night-cap and slippers to be sent for, and made the Emperor stay till he could go in his night-dress, since he might not go as a soldier. And lastly, when the Emperor in contempt, to show his command over his subjects, did command one to leap from the window down and broke his neck in the sight of our Embassador, he replied that his mistress did set more by, and did make better use of the necks of her subjects: but said that, to show what her subjects would do for her, he would, and did, fling down his gantlett before the Emperor and challenged all the nobility there to take it up in defence of the Emperor against his Queene. For which, at this very day, the name of Sir Jer. Bowes is famous and honoured there.
[The Russian Emperor was Ivan the Terrible. He once rewarded the French envoy’s boldness in remaining covered (i.e. keeping his hat on) in the royal presence by nailing his hat to his head. Bowes, at his next interview, defiantly wore his hat and in answer to the Tsar’s threats, announced that he represented ‘not a cowardly king of France … but the invincible Queen of England, who does not vail her Bonnet nor bare her Head to any Prince living’.]
This evening I sat awhile at Sir W. Batten's with Sir J. Mennes, &c., where he told us, among many other things, how in portugall they scorn to make a seat for a house of office. But they do shit all in pots and so empty them in the river.
I did also hear how the woman formerly nurse to Mrs. Lemon (Sir W. Batten's daughter) her child was torn to pieces by two dogs at Walthamstow this week, and is dead - which is very strange.
...and then to the King's Theatre, where we saw Midsummers nights dreame, which I had never seen before, nor shall ever again, for it is the most insipid ridiculous play that ever I saw in my life. I saw, I confess, some good dancing and some handsome women, which was all my pleasure.
Thence to White-hall, and walked long in the galleries till (as they are commanded to all strange persons) one came to tell us, we not being known and being observed to walk there four or five houres (which was not true, unless they count my walking there in the morning), he was commanded to ask who we were; which being told, he excused his Question, and was satisfied. These things speak great fear and jealousys.
...to the Question how it comes to pass that there are no boars seen in London, but many Sowes and pigs, it was answered that the Constable gets them a-nights.
...I saw them pretty well go by. I could not see the Embassador in his coach - but his attendants in their habitts and fur-caps very handsome comely men, and most of them with Hawkes upon their fists to present to the King. But Lord, to see the absurd nature of Englishmen, that cannot forbear laughing and jeering at every thing that looks strange.
[The entry of the Russian Ambassador].
With the officers I had good discourse, particularly of the people at the Cape of Good Hope - of whom they of their own knowledge do tell me these one or two things: viz., that when they come to age, the men do cut off one of the stones of each other, which they hold doth help them to get children the better and to grow fat. That they never sleep lying, but always sitting upon the ground. That their speech is not so articulate as ours, but yet understand one another well. That they paint themselves all over with the grease the Dutch sell them (who have a fort there) and Sutt.
And after dinner to the Dukes house and there saw Twelfth night acted well, though it be but a silly play, and not related at all to the name or day.
Only, myself somewhat vexed at my wife's neglect in leaving of her scarfe, waistcoat, and night-dressings in the coach today that brought us from Westminster, though I confess, she did give them to me to look after - yet it was her fault not to see that I did take them out of the coach. I believe it might be as good as 25s. loss or thereabouts.
At last we were pretty good friends and my wife begun to speak again of the necessity of her keeping somebody to bear her company; for her familiarity with her other servants is it that spoils them all, and other company she hath none (which is too true); and called for Jane to reach her out of her trunk, giving her the keys to that purpose, a bundle of papers; and pulls out a paper, a copy of what, a pretty while since, she had wrote in a discontent to me, which I would not read but burned. She now read it, and it was so picquant, and wrote in English, and most of it true, of the retirednesse of her life and how unpleasant it was, that being wrote in English and so in danger of being met with and read by others, I was vexed at it and desired her and then commanded her to tear it - which she desired to be excused it; I forced it from her and tore it, and withal took her other bundle of papers from her and leapt out of the bed and in my shirt clapped them into the pocket of my breeches, that she might not get them from me; and having got on my stockings and breeches and gown, I pulled them out one by one and tore them all before her face, though it went against my heart to do it, she crying and desiring me not to do it. But such was my passion and trouble to see the letters of my love to her, and my Will, wherein I had given her all I have in the world when I went to sea with my Lord Sandwich, to be joyned with a paper of so much disgrace to me and dishonour if it should have been found by any body. Having torn them all, saving a bond of my uncle Robts. which she hath long had in her hands, and our Marriage=licence and the first letter that ever I sent her when I was her servant, I took up the pieces and carried them into my chamber, and there, after many disputes with myself whether I should burn them or no, and having picked up the pieces of the paper she read today and of my Will which I tore, I burnt all the rest. And so went out to my office - troubled in mind.
After dinner to the Change to buy some linen for my wife; and going back, met our two boys; mine had struck down Creedes boy in the dirt, with his new suit on in the dirt, all over dirty, and the boy taken by a gentlewoman into a house to make clean, but the poor boy was in a pitiful taking and pickle; but I basted my rogue soundly.
Whether the wind and the cold did cause it or no, I know not; but having been this day or two mightily troubled with an iching all over my body, which I took to be a louse or two that might bite me - I find this afternoon that all my body is inflamed, and my face in a sad redness and swelling and pimpled; so that I was, before we had done walking, not only sick but ashamed of myself to see myself so changed in my countenance; so that after we had thus talked, we parted and I walked home with much ado ... the ways being so full of ice and water by peoples' trampling. At last got home and to bed presently and had a very bad night of it, in great pain in my stomach and great fever.
Could not rise and go to the Duke, as I should have done with the rest, but keep my bed; and by the apothecary's advice, Mr. Battersby, I am to sweat soundly, and that will carry all this matter away; which nature would of itself eject, but this will assist nature - it being some disorder given the blood; but by what I know not, unless it be by my late great Quantitys of Dantzicke=girkins that I have eaten.
In the evening came Sir J. Mennes and Sir W. Batten to see me. And Sir J. Mennes advises me to the same thing; but would not have me take anything from the apothecary, but from him, his Venice Treakle being better than the others; which I did consent to and did anon take and fell into a great sweat; and about 10 or 11 a-clock came out of it, and shifted myself and slept pretty well alone (my wife lying in the red chamber above);
<<10>> and in the morning most of my disease, that is, itching and pimples, were gone. In the morning visited by Mr. Coventry and others, and very glad I am to see that I am so much enquired after and my sickness taken notice of as I did. I keep my bed all day and sweat again at night, by which I expect to be very well to-morrow.
[Modern medical opinion is that it probably was an allergy to the Danzig gerkins.]
Lord's day. This morning my wife did wake me, being frighted with the noise I made in my sleep, being a dream that one of our sea-maisters did desire to see the St. John's Isle of my drawing; which methought I showed him, but methought he did handle it so hard that it put me to very horrid pain; and what should this be but my cods, which after I woke were in very great pain for a good while - what a strange extravagant dream it was.
Coming home, I brought Mr. Pickering as far as the Temple; who tells me the story is very true of a child being dropped at the Ball at Court; and that the King had it in his closet a week after, and did dissect it; and making great sport of it, said that in his opinion it must have been a month and three hours old and that, whatever others think, he hath the greatest loss (it being a boy, as he says), that had lost a subject by the business.
Towards noon there comes a man in as if upon ordinary business, and shows me a Writt from the Exchequer, called a Commission of Rebellion, and tells me that I am his prisoner - in Field's business. Which methought did strike me to the heart, to think that we could not sit safe in the middle of the King's business. I told him how and where we were imployed and bid him have a care; and perceiving that we were busy, he said he would and did withdraw for an houre - in which time Sir J. Minnes took coach and to Court to see what he could do from thence; and our Solicitor against Field came by chance and told me that he would go and satisfy the fees of the Court and would end the business. So he went away about that, and I staid in my closet, till by and by the man and four more of his fellows came to know what I would do; I told them stay till I heard from the King or my Lord Chief Baron, to both whom I had now sent. With that they consulted, and told me that if I would promise to stay in the house they would go and refresh themselves, and come again, and know what answer I had. So they away, and I home to dinner - whither by chance in comes Mr. Hawly and dined with me.
Before I had dined, the Baylys came back again with the Constable, and at the office knock for me but found me not there; and I hearing in what manner they were come, did forbear letting them know where I was. So they stood knocking and enquiring for me.
By and by at my parlour-window comes Sir W. Batten's Mingo, to tell me that his Maister and Lady would have me come to their house through Sir J. Mennes's lodgings, which I could not do; but, however, by lathers did get over the pale between our yards and so to their house, where I found them (as they have reason) to be much concerned for me - my Lady especially.
The fellows staid in the yard swearing with one or two constables; and some time we locked them into the yard and by and by let them out again, and so keeped them all the afternoon, not letting them see me or know where I was. One time, I went up to the top of Sir W. Batten's house, and out of one of their windows spoke to my wife out of one of ours - which methought, though I did it in mirth, yet I was sad to think what a sad thing it would be for me to be really in that condition. By and by comes Sir J. Mennes, who (like himself and all that he doth) tells us that he can do no good, but that my Lord Chancellor wonders that we did not cause the seamen to fall about their ears - which we wished we could have done without our being seen in it; and Captain Grove being there, he did give them some affront and would have got some seamen to have drubbed them, but he had not time nor did we think it fit to have it done, they having executed their commission. But there was occasion given that he did draw his sword upon one of them and he did complain that Grove had pricked him in the breast - but no hurt done; but I see that Grove would have done our business to them if we had bid him. By and by comes Mr. Clerke our Solicitor, who brings us a release from our adverse atturny, we paying the fees of the Commission, which comes to five markes, and pay the charges of these fellows, which are called the Commissioners (but are the most rake-shamed rogues that ever I saw in my life); so he showed them his release and they seemed satisfied and went away with him to their atturny to be paid by him. But before they went, Sir W. Batten and my Lady did begin to taunt them; but the rogues answered them as high as themselfs, and swore they would come again, and called me rogue and Rebell and they would bring the Sheriffe and untile his house before he should harbour a Rebell in his house - and that they would be here again shortly.
...the play hath little good in it - being most pleased to see the little girl dance in boy's apparel, she having very fine legs; only, bends at the hams as I perceive all women do.
There also coming into the river two Duchmen, we sent a couple of men on board and bought three hollands cheeses, cost 4d. a pound, excellent cheese, whereof I had two and Commissioner Pett one.
Dined upon a poor Lenten dinner at home, my wife being vexed at a fray this morning with my Lady Batten about my boy's going thither to turn the watercock which their maids leave, but my Lady was mighty high upon it, and she would teach his mistress better manners; which my wife answered aloud, that she might hear, that she could learn little manners of her.
But my Lord Mayor I find to be a talking, bragging Bufflehead, a fellow that would be thought to have led all the City in the great business of bringing in the King; and that nobody understood his plots, and the dark lanthorn he walked by, but led them and plowed with them as oxen and Asses (his own words) to do what he had a mind - when in every discourse, I observe him to be as very a coxcomb as I could have thought had been in the City.
...But to see how he doth rant and pretend to sway all the City in the Court of Aldermen, and says plainly that they do nor can do nor will he suffer them to do, any thing but what he pleases; nor is there any officer of the City but of his putting in, nor any man that could have kept the City for the King thus well and long but him - and if the country can be preserved, he will undertake that the City shall not dare to stir again - when I am confident there is no man almost in the City cares a turd for him, nor hath he brains to outwit any ordinary tradesman.
Thence going out of White-hall, I met Captain Grove, who did give me a letter directed to myself from himself; I discerned money to be in it and took it, knowing, as I found it to be, the proceed of the place I have got him, to have the taking up of vessels for Tanger. But I did not open it till I came home to my office; and there I broke it open, not looking into it till all the money was out, that I might say I saw no money in the paper, if ever I should be Questioned about it. There was a piece in gold and 4l. in silver.
...and thence to my uncle Wights by invitacion; whither my father, wife and Ashwell came - where we had but a poor dinner and not well dressed; besides, the very sight of my aunts hands and greasy manner of carving did almost turn my stomach.
At Cards till late; and being at supper, my boy being sent for some mustard to a neat's tongue, the rogue stayed half an hour in the streets, it seems at a Bonefire; at which I was very angry and resolve to beat him tomorrow.
Up betimes; and with my salt Eel went down in the parler, and there got my boy and did beat him till I was fain to take breath two or three times; yet for all, I am afeard it will make the boy never the better, he is grown so hardened in his tricks; which I am sorry for, he being capable of making a brave man and is a boy that I and my wife love very well.
...at noon home, whither came Captain Holland, who is lately come home from Sea and hath been much harassed in law about the ship which he hath bought; so that it seems, in a despaire he endeavoured to cut his own throat, but is recovered it; and it seems, whether by that or any other's persuasion (his wife's mother being a great zealot), he is turned almost a Quaker, his discourse being nothing but holy, and that impertinent that I was weary of him. At last, pretending to go to the Change, we walked thither together; and there I left him and home to dinner...
Among other things, Sir W. Batten had a mind to cause Butler (our chief witness in the business of Field, whom we did force back from an imployment going to sea to come back to attend our law-Sute) to be borne as a Mate on the Raynbow in the Downes, in compensacion of his loss for our sakes. This he orders an order to be drawn by Mr. Turner for; and after Sir J. Mennes, Sir W. Batten, and Sir W. Penn had signed it, it came to me and I was going to put it up into my book, thinking to consider of it and give them my opinion upon it before I parted with it; but Sir W. Penn told me I must sign it or give it him again, for it should not go without my hand. I told him what I meant to do - whereupon Sir W. Batten was very angry, and in a great heat (which will bring out anything that he hath in his mind; and I am glad of it, though it is base in him to have a thing so long in his mind without speaking of it, though I am glad this is the worst, for if he had worse it would out as well as this some time or other) told me that I should not think as I have heretofore done, make them sign orders and not sign them myself - which what ignorance or worse it implies is easy to judge, when he shall sign (and the rest of the board too, as appears in this business) to things for company and not out of their justice; for after some discourse, I did convince them that it was not fit to have it go; and Sir W. Batten first, and then the rest, did willingly cancel all their hands and tore the order. For I told them, Butler being such a rogue as I know him and we have all signed him to be to the Duke, it will be in his power to publish this to our great reproach, that we should take such a course as this to serve ourselves in, wronging the King by putting him into a place he is nowise capable of, and that in an Admiral ship.
So to the yard a little and thence on foot to Greenewich; where going, I was set upon by a great dog, who got hold of my garters and might have done me hurt; but Lord, to see in what a maze I was, that having a sword about me, I never thought of it or had the heart to make use of it, but might for want of that courage have been worried.
My Lord Hinchingbroke, I am told, hath had a mischance to kill his boy by his birding-piece going off as he was a-fouling. The gun was charged with small shot and hit the boy in the face and about the Temples, and he lived four days.
...home - where I find it almost night and my wife and the Dancing Maister alone above, not dancing but walking. Now, so deadly full of jealousy I am, that my heart and head did so cast about and fret, that I could not do any business possibly, but went out to my office; and anon late home again, and ready to chide at every thing; and then suddenly to bed and could hardly sleep, yet durst not say anything; but was forced to say that I had bad news from the Duke concerning Tom Hater, as an excuse to my wife - who by my folly hath too much opportunity given her with that man; who is a pretty neat black man, but married. But it is a deadly folly and plague that I bring upon myself to be so jealous; and by giving myself such an occasion, more than my wife desired, of giving her another month's dancing - which however shall be ended as soon as I can possibly. But I am ashamed to think what a course I did take by lying to see whether my wife did wear drawers today as she used to do, and other things to raise my suspicion of her; but I found no true cause of doing it.
Up, with my mind disturbed and with my last night's doubts upon me.
For which I deserve to be beaten, if not really served as I am fearful of being; especially since, God knows, that I do not find honesty enough in my own mind but that upon a small temptation I could be false to her, and therefore ought not to expect more justice from her - but God pardon both my sin and my folly herein.
To my office and there setting all the morning; and at noon dined at home. After dinner comes Pembleton again; and I being out of humour, would not see him, pretending business; but Lord, with what jealousy did I walk up and down my chamber, listening to hear whether they danced or no, which they did; notwithstanding I afterwards knew, and did then believe that Ashwell was with them. So to my office awhile; and, my jealousy still reigning, I went in and, not out of any pleasure but from that only reason, did go up to them to practise; and did make an end of La Duchesse, which I think I should with a little pains do very well. So broke up and saw him gone.
...My mind in some better ease resolving to prevent matters for the time to come as much as I can, it being to no purpose to trouble myself for what is past, being occasioned too by my own folly.
...I up and there hear that my wife and her maid Ashwell had between them spilled the pot of piss and turd upon the floor and stool and God knows what, and were mighty merry washing of it clean. I took no great notice, but merrily.
At the Coffee-house in Exchange=ally I bought a little book, Counsell to Builders, written by Sir Balth. Gerbier; it is dedicated almost to all the men of any great condition in England, so that the epistles are more than the book itself; and both it and them not worth a turd, that I am ashamed that I bought it.
Thence by coach with a mad coachman that drove like mad, and down byeways, through bucklersbury home, everybody through the street cursing him, being ready to run over them.
...the King of France is well again, and that he saw him train his guards, all brave men, at Paris; and that when he goes to his mistress, Madame La Valiere, a pretty little woman, now with child by him, he goes with his guards with him publicly and his trumpets and Kettle drums with him, who stay before the house while he is with her; and yet he says that for all this, the Queene doth not know of it, for that nobody dares to tell her - but that I dare not believe.
...fell to talk with Mrs. Lane and after great talk that she never went abroad with any man as she used heretofore to do, I with one word got her to go with me and to meet me at the further Rhenish wine-house - where I did give her a Lobster and do so towse her and feel her all over, making her believe how fair and good a skin she had; and endeed, she hath a very white thigh and leg, but monstrous fat. When weary, I did give over, and somebody having seen some of our dalliance, called aloud in the street, “Sir, why do you kiss the gentlewoman so?” and flung a stone at the window - which vexed me - but I believe they could not see my towsing her; and so we broke up and I went out the back way, without being observed I think; and so she towards the hall and I to White-hall...
Mr. Batten telling us of a late triall of Sir Charles Sydly the other day, before my Lord Chief Justice Foster and the whole Bench - for his debauchery a little while since at Oxford Kate’s; coming in open day into the Balcone and showed his nakedness – acting all the postures of lust and buggery that could be imagined, and abusing of scripture and, as it were, from thence preaching a Mountebanke sermon from that pulpitt, saying that there he hath to sell such a pouder as should make all the cunts in town run after him – a thousand people standing underneath to see and hear him. And that being done, he took a glass of wine and washed his prick in it and then drank it off; and then took another and drank the King’s health. It seems my Lord and the rest of the judges did all of them round give him a most high reproofe - my Lord Chief Justice saying that it was for him and such wicked wretches as he was that God’s anger and judgments hung over us - calling him “Sirrah” many times. It's said they have bound him to his good behaviour (there being no law against him for it) in 5000l. It being told that my Lord Buckhurst was there, my Lord asked whether it was that Buckhurst that was lately tried for robbery; and when answered “Yes”, he asked whether he had so soon forgot his deliverance at that time, and that it would have more become him to have been at his prayers, begging God’s forgiveness, than now running into such courses again. Upon this discourse, Sir J. Mennes and Mr. Batten both say that buggery is now almost grown as common among our gallants as in Italy, and that the very pages of the town begin to complain of their masters for it. But blessed be God, I do not to this day know what is the meaning of this sin, nor which is the agent nor which the patient.
Thence with Creede to the King’s-head ordinary; but, coming late, dined at the second table very well for 12d.; and a pretty gentleman in our company who confirms my Lady Castlemaynes being gone from Court, but knows not the reason. He told us of one wipe the Queene a little while ago did give her, when she came in and found the Queen under the dresser’s hands and had been so long - “I wonder your Majesty,” says she, “can have the patience to sit so long a-dressing:” “Oh,” says the Queene, “I have so much reason to use patience, that I can very well bear with it.”
About 1 or 2 in the morning, the Curtains of my bed being drawn waked me, and I saw a man stand there by the inside of my bed, calling me “French dogg” twenty times, one after another; and I starting, as if I would get out of the bed, he fell a-laughing as hard as he could drive - still calling me French dog, and laid his hand on my shoulder. At last, whether I said anything or no I cannot tell, but I perceived the man, after he had looked wistely upon me too and found that I did not answer him to the names that he called me by, which was Salmon (Sir G. Carterets clerk) and Robert. Maddox, another of the clerks, he put off his hat of a suddaine, and forebore laughing, and asked who I was - saying, “Are you Mr. Pepys?” I told him “Yes” and now, being come a little better to myself, I found him to be Tom Willson (Sir W. Batten’s clerk); and fearing he might be in some melancholy fit, I was at a loss what to do or say. At last I asked him what he meant: he desired my pardon for that he was mistaken, for he thought verily (not knowing of my coming to lie there) that it had been Salmon the Frenchman, with whom he intended to have made some sport. So I made nothing of it, but bid him good-night; and I after a little pause to sleep again - being well pleased that it ended no worse - and being a little the better pleased with it because it was the Surveyors clerke, which will make sport when I come to tell Sir W. Batten of it, it being a report that old Edgeborough, the former Surveyor who died here, doth now and then walk.
Lord's day. Up; and meeting Tom Willson, he asked my pardon again; which I easily did give him, telling him only that it was well I was not a woman with child, for it might have made me miscarry.
This day Sir W. Batten tells me that Mr. Newburne (of whom the nick-word came up among us for “Arise Tom Newburne”) is dead of eating Cowcoumbers, of which, the other day, I heard another, I think Sir Nich. Crisps son.
Up, after much pleasant talk with my wife and a little that vexes me, for I see that she is confirmed in it that all that I do is by design, and that my very keeping of the house in dirt, and the doing of this and any thing else in the house, is but to find her imployment to keep her within and from minding of her pleasure. In which, though I am sorry to see she minds it, is true enough in a great degree.
This morning, about 2 or 3 a-clock, knocked up in our backyard; and rising to the window, being moonshine, I found it was the Constable and his watch, who had found our backyard door open and so came in to see what the matter was. So I desired them to shut the door and bid them good-night. And so to bed again.
...I begun a journy with them; and with much ado through the Fens, along Dikes, where sometimes we were ready to have our horses sink to the belly, we got by night, with great deal of stir and hard riding, to Parsons drove, a heathen place - where I found my uncle and aunt Perkins, and their daughters, poor wretches, in a sad poor thatched cottage, like a poor barne or stable, peeling of Hemp (in which I did give myself good content to see their manner of preparing of hemp) and in a poor condition of habitt; took them to our miserable Inne and there, after long stay and hearing of Franke their son, the miller, play upon his Treble (as he calls it), with which he earnes part of his living, and singing of a country bawdy song, we set down to supper: the whole Crew and Frankes wife and children (a sad company, of which I was ashamed) supped with us.
By and by news is brought to us that one of our horses is stole out of the Stable; which proves my uncles, at which I was inwardly glad; I mean, that it was not mine. And at this we were at a great loss; and they doubting a person that lay at next door, a Londoner, some lawyer's clerk, we caused him to be secured in his bed, and made care to be taken to seize the horse; and so, about 12 at night or more, to bed in a sad, cold, nasty chamber; only the maid was indifferent handsome, and so I had a kiss or two of her, and I to bed. And a little after I was asleep, they waked me to tell me that the horse was found, which was good news; and so to sleep till the morning - but was bit cruelly (and nobody else of our company, which I wonder at) by the gnatts.
Slept pretty well, and my wife waked to ring the bell to call up our maids to the washing about 4 a-clock and I was, and she, angry that our bell did not wake them sooner; but I will get a bigger bell. So we to sleep again till 8 a-clock...
...and while I was in Kirtons shop, a fellow came to offer kindness or force to my wife in the coach. But she refusing, he went away, after the coachman had struck him and he the coachman. So I being called, went thither; and the fellow coming out again of a shop, I did give him a good cuff or two on the chops; and seeing him not oppose me, I did give him another; at last, found him drunk, of which I was glad and so left him and home...
Up; and it being late, to church... I found that my coming in a perriwigg did not prove so strange to the world as I was afeared it would, for I thought that all the church would presently have cast their eyes all upon me - but I found no such thing.
...and it was pleasant to see how Blackburn himself did act it; how when the Commissioners of the Admiralty would enquire of the Captains and Admiralls of such and such men, how they would with a sithe and casting up the eye say, "Such a man fears the Lord" - or, "I hope such a man hath the Spirit of God," and such things as that. But he tells me that there was a cruel Articling against Pen after one fight, for cowardice in putting himself within a Coyle of Cables, of which he had much ado to acquit himself;
But among other things, Lord, what an account did Sir J. Mennes and Sir W. Batten make of the pulling down and burning of the head of the Charles, where Cromwell was placed with people under his horse, and Peter, as the Duke called him, is praying to him. And Sir J. Mennes would needs infer the temper of the people from their joy at the doing of this and their building a Jibbet for the hanging of his head up – when, God knows, it is even the flinging away of 100l. out of the King's purse to the building of another - which it seems must be a Neptune.
Then we fell to talk of Sir J. Mennes and Sir W. Batten burning of Olivers head, while he was there; which was done with so much insulting and folly as I never heard of, and had the Trayned-band of Rochester to come to the solemnity – when, when all comes to all, Commissioner Pett says it never was made for him. But it troubles me the King should suffer 100l. loss in his purse to make a new one, after it was forgot whose head it was or any words spoke of it.
...took Coach, and being directed by sight of bills upon the walls, did go to Shooe lane to see a Cocke-fighting at a new pit there - a sport I was never at in my life. But Lord, to see the strange variety of people, from Parliament-man (by name Wildes, that was Deputy-governor of the Tower when Robinson was Lord Mayor) to the poorest prentices, bakers, brewers, butchers, draymen, and what not; and all this fellows one with another in swearing, cursing, and betting. I soon had enough of it; and yet I would not but have seen it once, it being strange to observe the nature of those poor creatures, how they will fight till they drop down dead upon the table and strike after they are ready to give up the ghost - not offering to run away when they are weary or wounded past doing further. Whereas, where a Dunghill brood comes, he will, after a sharp stroke that pricks him, run off the stage, and then they wring off his neck without more ado. Whereas the other they preserve, though their eyes be both out, for breed only of a true cock of the game. Sometimes, a cock that has had ten to one against him will by chance give an unlucky blow will strike the other stark-dead in a moment, that he never stirs more. But the common rule is, that though a cock neither run nor dies, yet if any man will bet 10l to a Crowne, and nobody take the bett, the game is given over, and not sooner. One thing more it is strange to see, how people of this poor rank, that look as if they had not bread to put in their mouths, shall bet 3 or 4l at one bet and lose it, and yet bet as much the next battell, as they call every match of two cocks - so that one of them will lose 10 or 20l at a meeting. Thence, having enough of it, by coach to my Lord Sandwich's...
Thence to the Tennice Court (after I had spent a little time in Westminster Hall, thinking to have met with Mrs. Lane, but I could not and am glad of it) and there saw the King play at Tennis and others. But to see how the King's play was extolled without any cause at all, was a loathsome sight, though sometimes endeed he did play very well and deserved to be commended; but such open flattery is beastly.
...I by water to Westminster-hall and there did see Mrs. Lane, and de là, elle and I to the cabaret at the Cloche in the street du roy; and there, after some caresses, je l’ay foutée sous de la chaise deux times, and the last to my great pleasure; mais j’ai grand peur que je l’ay fait faire aussi elle meme. Mais after I had done, elle commençait parler as before and I did perceive that je n’avais fait rien de danger à elle. Et avec ça, I came away; and though I did make grand promises à la contraire, nonobstant je ne la verrai pas long time...
...So home to supper and to bed, with my mind un peu troublé pour ce que j’ai fait to-day. But I hope it will be la dernière de toute ma vie.
Up; and after sending my wife to my aunt Wight’s to get a place to see Turner hanged, I to the office, where we sat all the morning. And at noon, going to the Change and seeing people flock in that, I enquired and found that Turner was not yet hanged; and so I went among them to Leadenhall- street at the end of Lyme-street, near where the robbery was done, and to St. Mary Axe, where he lived; and there I got for a shilling to stand upon the wheel of a Cart, in great pain, above an hour before the execution was done - he delaying the time by long discourses and prayers one after another, in hopes of a reprieve; but none came, and at last was flung off the lather in his cloak. A comely-looked man he was, and kept his countenance to the end - I was sorry to see him. It was believed there was at least 12 or 14000 people in the street.
And after we had dined came Mr. Mallard; and after he had eat something, I brought down my vyall, which he played on - the first Maister that ever touched her yet, and she proves very well and will be, I think, an admirable instrument. He played some very fine things of his own, but I was afeared to enter too far in their commendation for fear he should offer to copy them for me out, and so I be forced to give or lend him something.
This evening, being in an humour of making all things even and clear in the world, I tore some old papers; among others, a romance which (under the title of Love a Cheate) I begun ten year ago at Cambridge; and at this time, reading it over tonight, I liked it very well and wondered a little at myself at my vein at that time when I wrote it, doubting that I cannot do so well now if I would try.
In my way home I light and to the Coffee-house, where I heard Lieutenant Collonell Baron tell very good stories of his travels over the high hills in Asia above the Cloudes. How clear the heaven is above them. How thick, like a mist, the way is through the cloud, that wets like a sponge one’s clothes. The ground above the clouds all dry and parched, nothing in the world growing, it being only a dry earth. Yet not so hot above as below the clouds. The stars at night most delicate bright and a fine clear blue sky. But cannot see the earth at any time through the clouds, but the clouds look like a world below you.
...thence off to the Sun taverne with Sir W. Warren, and with him discoursed long and had good advice and hints from him; and among other things, he did give me a pair of gloves for my wife, wrapped up in paper; which I would not open, feeling it hard, but did tell him that my wife should thank him, and so went on in discourse. When I came home, Lord, in what pain I was to get my wife out of the room without bidding her go, that I might see what these gloves were; and by and by, she being gone, it proves a pair of white gloves for her and 40 pieces in good gold: which did so cheer my heart that I could eat no victuals almost for dinner for joy to think how God doth bless us every day more and more - and more yet I hope he will upon the encrease of my duty and endeavours. I was at great loss what to do, whether tell my wife of it or no; which I could hardly forbear, but yet I did and will think of it first before I do, for fear of making her think me to be in a better condition or in a better way of getting money then yet I am.
This night late, coming in my coach coming up Ludgate hill, I saw two gallants and their footmen taking a pretty wench which I have much eyed lately, set up shop upon the hill, a seller of ribband and gloves. They seem to drag her by some force, but the wench went and I believe had her turn served; but God forgive me, what thoughts and wishes I had of being in their place.
So home to the office; and by and by comes my wife home from the burial of Captain Groves wife at Wapping (she telling me a story how her maid Jane, going into the boat, did fall down and show her arse in the boat) and all;
Sir W. Rider come and stayed with me till about 12 at night, having found ourselfs work till that time about understanding the measuring of Mr. Woods masts; which though I did so well before as to be thought to deal very hardly against Wood, yet I am ashamed I understood it no better and do hope yet, whatever be thought of me, to save the King some more money. And out of an impatience to break up with my head full of confused confounded notions but nothing brought to a clear comprehension, I was resolved to set up, and did, till now it is ready to strike 4 a-clock, all alone, cold, and my candle not enough left to light me to my own house; and so, with my business however brought to some good understanding and set it down pretty clear, I went home to bed, with my mind at good quiet, and the girle setting up for me (the rest all a-bed); I eat and drank a little and to bed, weary, sleepy, cold, and my head akeing.
...and so home to bed - having a great cold in my head and throat tonight from my late cutting my hair so close to my head; but I hope it will be soon gone again.
Up, with some little discontent with my wife upon her saying that she had got and used some puppy-dog water, being put upon it by a desire of my aunt Wight to get some for her; who hath a mind, unknown to her husband, to get some for her ugly face.
Thence to White Hall; and in the Dukes chamber, while he was dressing, two persons of quality that were there did tell his Royal Highness how the other night in Holborne about midnight, being at cards, a link-boy came by and run into the house and told the people the house was a-falling; upon this, the whole family was frighted, concluding that the boy had said that the house was a-fire; so they deft their cards above, and one would have got out of the balcone, but it was not open; the other went up to fetch down his children that were in bed. So all got clear out of the house; and no sooner so, but the house fell down indeed, from top to bottom. It seems my Lord Southamptons canaille did come too near their foundation and so weakened the house, and down it came - which in every respect is a most extraordinary passage.
...to the church and with the grave-maker chose a place for my brother to lie in, just under my mother’s pew. But to see how a man’s tombes are at the mercy of such a fellow, that for 6d he would (as his own words were) “I will justle them together but I will make room for him” - speaking of the fullness of the middle Isle where he was to lie. And that he would for my father’s sake, do my brother that is dead all the civility he can; which was to disturb other corps that are not quite rotten to make room for him. And methought his manner of speaking it was very remarkable - as of a thing that now was in his power to do a man a courtesy or not.
I went thither; calling at my own house, going out found the parlour curtains drawn; and enquiring the reason of it, they told me that their mistress had got Mrs. Buggin’s fine little dog and our little bitch - which is proud at this time - and I am apt to think that she was helping him to lime her - for going afterwards to my uncle Wights and supping there with her, where very merry with Mr. Woolly’s drollery, and going home, I found the little dog so little that of himself he could not reach our bitch; which I am sorry for - for it is the finest dog that ever I saw in my life - as if he were painted, the colours are so finely mixed and shaded. God forgive me, it went against me to have my wife and servants look upon them while they endeavoured to do something, and yet it provoked me to pleasure with my wife more than usual tonight.
At noon to the Coffee-house, where excellent discourse with Sir W. Petty; who proposed it, as a thing that is truly questionable, whether there really be any difference between waking and dreaming - that it is hard not only to tell how we know when we do a thing really or in a dream, but also to know what the difference between one and the other.
...home myself, where I find my wife dressed as if she had been abroad, but I think she was not. But she answering me some way that I did not like, I pulled her by the nose; indeed, to offend her, though afterward, to appease her, I denied it, but only it was done in jest. The poor wretch took it mighty ill; and I believe, besides wringing her nose, she did feel pain and so cried a great while. But by and by I made her friends...
So home and find my father come to lie at our house; and so supped and saw him, poor man, to bed - my heart never being fuller of love to him, nor admiration of his prudence and pains heretofore in the world then now, to see how Tom hath carried himself in his trade - and how the poor man hath his thoughts going to provide for his younger children and my mother. But I hope they shall never want.
All the afternoon at the office with W. Boddam looking over his perticulars about the Chest of Chatham, which show enough what a knave Commissioner Pett hath been all along, and how Sir W. Batten hath gone on in getting good allowances to himself and others out of the poor’s money. Time will show all.
Our parson Mr. Mills his own mistake in reading of the service was very remarkable; that instead of saying “We beseech thee to preserve to our use the kindly fruits of the earth” - he cries, “Preserve to our use our gracious Queen Katherine.”
...and so to the office; we sat all the afternoon, but no sooner sat but news comes my Lady Sandwich was come to see us; so I went out, and running up (her friend however before me) I perceive by my dear Lady’s blushing that in my dining-room she was doing something upon the pott; which I also was ashamed of and so fell to some discourse, but without pleasure, through very pity to my Lady.
My Lady, my wife not being at home, did not stay but, poor good woman, went away, I being mightily taken with her dear visit.
...to Mr. Coventry’s chamber and there upon my Lord Peterborough’s accounts, where I endeavoured to show the folly and punish it as much as I could of Mr. Povy, for of all the men in the world, I never knew any man of his degree so great a coxcomb in such imployments. I see I have lost him forever, but I value it not; for he is a coxcomb and I doubt not over-honest, by some things which I see. And yet for all his folly, he hath the good luck now and then to speak his follies in so good words and with as good a show as if it were reason and to the purpose - which is really one of the wonders of my life.
My uncle Wight came to me to my office this afternoon to speak with me about Mr. Maes’s business again, and from me went to my house to see my wife; and strange to think that my wife should by and by send for me after he was gone, to tell me that he should begin discourse of her want of children and his also, and how he thought it would be best for him and her to have one between them, and he would give her 500l. either in money or jewell beforehand and make the child his heyre. He commended her body and discoursed that for all he knew the thing was lawful. She says she did give him a very warm answer, such as he did not excuse himself by saying that he said this in jest, but told her that since he saw what her mind was he would say no more to her of it, and desired her to make no words of it. It seemed he did say all this in a kind of counterfeit laugh; but by all words that passed, which I cannot now so well set down, it is plain to me that he was in good earnest, and that I fear all his kindness is but only his lust to her. What to think of it of a sudden I know not, but I think not to take notice yet of it to him till I have thought better of it. So, with my mind and head a little troubled, I received a letter from Mr. Coventry about a mast for the Dukes yacht; which with other business makes me resolve to go betimes to Woolwich to-morrow. So to supper and to bed.
After office, home and to supper and with good ease to bed. And endeavoured to tie my hands that I might not lay them out of bed, by which I believe I have got cold; but I could not endure it.
At the Committee for Tanger all the afternoon; where a sad consideration to see things of so great weight managed in so confused a manner as it is, so as I would not have the buying of an acre of land bought by - the Duke of York and Mr. Coventry, for ought I see, being the only two that do anything like men. Prince Robert doth nothing but swear and laugh a little, with an oath or two, and that’s all he doth.
Mr. Coventry, discoursing this noon about Sir W. Batten (what a sad fellow he is), told me how the King told him the other day how Sir W. Batten, being in the ship with him and Prince Rupert when they expected to fight with Warwicke, did walk up and down sweating, with a napkin under his throat to dry up his sweat. And that Prince Rupert, being a most Jealous man, and particularly of Batten, doth walk up and down, swearing bloodily to the King that Batten had a mind to betray them today, and that the napkin was a signal; “But by God,” says he, “if things go ill, the first thing I will do is to shoot him.”
Walked back from Woolwich to Greenwich all alone, save a man that had a cudgell in his hand; and though he told me he laboured in the King’s yards and many other good arguments that he is an honest man, yet God forgive me, I did doubt he might knock me on the head behind with his club - but I got safe home.
This evening being moonshine, I played a little late upon my flagelette in the garden. But being at Westminster-hall, I met with great news: that Mrs. Lane is married to one Martin, one that serves Captain Marsh. She is gone abroad with him today, very fine. I must have a bout with her very shortly, to see how she finds marriage.
Thence to Westminster and to Mrs. Lane’s lodging to give her joy. And there suffered me to deal with her as I used to do; and by and by her husband comes, a sorry simple fellow, and his letter to her, which she proudly showed me, a simple, silly, nonsensical thing. A man of no discourse, and I fear married her to make a prize of; which he is mistaken in. And a sad wife I believe she will prove to him, for she urged me to appoint a time, as soon as he is gone out of town, to give her a meeting next week.
...straight home by water and there find, as I expected, Mr. Hill and Andrews and one slovenly and ugly fellow, Seignor Pedro, who sings Italian songs to the Theorbo most neatly; and they spent the whole evening in singing the best piece of musique, counted of all hands in the world, made by Seignor Charissimi the famous master in Rome. Fine it was endeed, and too fine for me to judge of.
They have spoke to Pedro to meet us every week, and I fear it will grow a trouble to me if we once come to bid guests to meet us, especially idle masters - which do a little displease me to consider.
From thence walked toward Westminster; and being in an idle and wanton humour, walked through Fleet-alley, and there stood a most pretty wench at one of the doors. So I took a turn or two; but what by sense of honour and conscience, I would not go in. But much against my will, took coach and away to Westminster-hall, and there light of Mrs. Lane and plotted with her to go over the water; so met at Whites stairs in Chanel-row, and over to the old house at Lambeth-marsh and there eat and drank and had my pleasure of her twice - she being the strangest woman in talk, of love to her husband sometimes, and sometimes again she do not care for him - and yet willing enough to allow me a liberty of doing what I would with her. So spending 5 or 6s upon her, I could do what I would; and after an hour’s stay and more, back again and set her ashore there again, and I forward to Fleetstreet, and called at Fleet-alley, not knowing how to command myself; and went in and there saw what formerly I have been acquainted with, the wickedness of those houses and the forcing a man to present expense. The woman, indeed, is a most lovely woman; but I had no courage to meddle with her, for fear of her not being wholesome, and so counterfeited that I had not money enough. It was pretty to see how cunning that Jade was; would not suffer me to have to do in any manner with her after she saw I had no money; but told me then I would not come again, but she now was sure I would come again - though I hope in God I shall not, for though she be one of the prettiest women I ever saw, yet I fear her abusing me.
So desiring God to forgive me for this vanity, I went home...
Thence to Westminster to my barbers; and strange to think how when I find that Jervas himself did intend to bring home my periwigg, and not Jane his maid, I did desire not to have it at all, for I had a mind to have her bring it home.
...and thence to the Trumpett, whither comes Mrs. Lane and there begins a sad story how her husband, as I feared, proves not worth a farding, and that she is with child and undone if I do not get him a place. I had my pleasure here of her; and she, like an impudent jade, depends upon my kindness to her husband; but I will have no more to do with her, let her brew as she hath baked – seeing she would not take my counsel about Hawly.
This day my wife tells me Mr. Pen, Sir Wms son, is come back from France and come to visit her – a most modish person, grown, she says, a fine gentleman.
(Letter from P. Gibson to Penn, March 1712: ‘I remember your honour well, when you newly came out of France, and wore pantaloon breeches...’)
After dinner comes Mr. Pen to visit me, and stayed an hour talking with me. I perceive something of learning he hath got, but a great deal, if not too much, of the vanity of the French garbe and affected manner and gait – I fear all real profit he hath made of his travel will signify little.
[[Health]] I have had a bad night’s rest tonight, not sleeping well, as my wife observed, and once or twice she did wake me; and I thought myself to be mightily bit with fleas, and in the morning she chid her maids for not looking the fleas a-days. But when I rise, I find that it is only the change of the weather from hot to cold, which (as was two winters ago) doth stop my pores, and my blood tingles and iches all day long just as then; and if it continues to be so cold, I fear I must come to the same pass. But sweating cured me then, and I hope and am told will this also.
...and thither came W. Bowyer and dined with us; but strange to see how he could not endure onyons in sauce to lamb, but was overcome with the sight of it and so was forced to make his dinner of an egg or two.
This afternoon, it seems, Sir J Minnes fell sick at church; and going down the gallery stairs, fell down dead;
at noon at the Change and there went off with Sir W. Warren and took occasion to desire him to lend me 100l – which he said he would let me have with all his heart presently, as he had promised me a little while ago to give me, for my pains in his two great contracts of masts, 100l; and that this should be it – to which end I did move it to him; and by this means I hope to be possessed of the 100l presently, within two or three days.
...met Mr. Pargiter, and he would needs have me to drink a cup of Horse-redish ale, which he and a friend of his, troubled with the stone, have been drinking of - which we did, and then walked into the fields as far almost as Sir G. Whitmores, all the way talking of Russia - which he says is a sad place; and though Mosco is a very great city, yet it is, from the distance between house and house, and few people compared with this - and poor sorry houses, the Emperor himself living in a wooden house - his exercise only flying a hawke at pigeons and carrying pigeons ten or twelve miles off and then laying wagers which pigeon shall come soonest home to her house. All the winter within doors, some few playing at Chesse, but most drinking their time away. Women live very slavishly there. And it seems, in the Emperor’s Court no room hath above two or three windows, and those the greatest not a yard wide or high - for warmth in winter time. And that the general cure for all diseases there is their sweating-houses - or people that are poor, they get into their ovens, being heated, and there lie. Little learning among things of any sort - not a man that speaks Latin, unless the Secretary of State by chance.
So to my office late, and home to supper and to bed, having got a strange cold in my head by flinging off my hat at dinner and sitting with the wind in my neck.
Thence to the Musique-meeting at the post office, where I was once before. And thither anon come all the Gresham College, and a great deal of noble company. And the new instrument was brought, called the Arched Viall – where, being tuned with Lutestrings and played on with Kees like an Organ - a piece of Parchment is always kept moving; and the strings, which by the keys are pressed down upon it, are grated, in imitation of a bow, by the parchment; and so it is intended to resemble several vyalls played on with one bow - but so basely and harshly, that it will never do. But after three hours’ stay it could not be Fixt in tune; and so they were fain to go to some other Musique of instruments, which I am grown quite out of love with
Lay pretty while, with some discontent, abed, even to the having bad words with my wife, and blows too, about the ill serving-up of our victuals yesterday; but all ended in love.
Up by break of day and got to Brampton by three a-clock - where my father and mother overjoyed to see me - my mother ready to weep every time she looked upon me. After dinner my father and I to the Court and there did all our business to my mind, as I have set down in a paper perticularly expressing our proceedings at this Court. So home, where W. Joyce full of talk and pleased with his journey. And after supper, I to bed and left my father, mother and him laughing.
At Woolwich, I there up to the King and Duke... Here I stayed above with them while the ship was launched; which was done with great success, and the King did very much like the ship, saying she had the best bow that ever he saw.
But, Lord, the sorry talk and discourse among the great courtiers round about him, without any reverence in the world, but with so much disorder.
By and by the Queen comes and her maids of honour; one whereof, Mrs. Boynton, and the Duchesse of Buckeingham, had been very sick coming by water in the barge (the water being very rough); but what silly sport they made with them, in very common terms, methought, was very poor, and below what people think these great people say and do.
I to the Change; and thence Bagwell’s wife with much ado fallowed me through Moor-fields to a blind alehouse, and there I did caress her and eat and drank, and many hard looks and sithes the poor wretch did give me, and I think verily was troubled at what I did; but at last, after many protestings, by degrees I did arrive at what I would, with great pleasure. Then in the evening, it raining, walked to the town to where she knew where she was; and then I took coach and to White-hall...
About noon out with Comissioner Pett, and he and I to a Coffee-house to drink Jocolatte, very good;
...I to Westminster-hall and there spent much time till towards noon, to and fro with people. So by and by Mrs. Lane comes and plucks me by the cloak to speak to me, and I was fain to go to her shop; and pretending to buy some bands, made her go home and I by and by fallowed her and there did what I would with her; and so after many discourses and her intreating me to do something for her husband, which I promised to do, and buying a little band of her, which I intend to keep too - I took leave, there coming a couple of footboys to her with a coach to fetch her abroad, I know not to whom. She is great with child, and she says I must be godfather, but I do not intend it.
Going to bed betimes last night, we waked betimes. And from our people’s being forced to take the key to go out to light a candle, I was very angry and begun to find fault with my wife for not commanding her servants as she ought. Thereupon she giving me some cross answer, I did strike her over her left eye such a blow as the poor wretch did cry out and was in great pain; but yet her spirit was such as to endeavour to bite and scratch me. But I cogging with her, made her leave crying, and sent for butter and parsley, and friends presently one with another; and I up, vexed at my heart to think what I had done, for she was forced to lay a poultice or something to her eye all day, and is black - and the people of the house observed it...
...Thence home; and not finding Bagwell’s wife as I expected, I to the Change and there walked up and down, and then home; and she being come, I bid her go and stay at Mooregate for me; and after going up to my wife (whose eye is very bad, but she is in very good temper to me); and after dinner, I to the place and walked round the fields again and again, but not finding her I to the Change and there found her waiting for me and took her away and to an alehouse, and there I made much of her; and then away thence and to another and endeavoured to caress her; but elle ne vouloit pas, which did vex me but I think it was chiefly not having a good easy place to do it upon.
Up and walked to Deptford, where after doing something at the yard, I walked, without being observed, with Bagwell home to his house and there was very kindly used, and the poor people did get a dinner for me in their fashion - of which I also eat very well. After dinner I found occasion of sending him abroad; and then alone avec elle je tentoy à faire ce que je voudrais et contre sa force je le faisoy, bien que pas à mon contentment. By and by he coming back again I took leave and walked home
...I to Mrs. Turner in Salsbury Court, and with her a little, and carried her (the porter staying for me) our Eagle, which she desired the other day; and we were glad to be rid of her, she fouling our house of office mightily - they are much pleased with her
Having sat up all night to past two a-clock this morning, our porter, being appointed, comes and tells us that the Bellman tells him that the star is seen upon Tower-hill. So I, that had been all night setting in order all my old papers in my chamber, did leave off all; and my boy and I to Tower hill, it being a most fine bright moonshine night and a great frost, but no Comett to be seen; so after running once round the Hill, I and Tom, we home and then to bed.
So back again home, where, thinking to be merry, was vexed with my wife’s having looked out a letter in Sir Ph. Sidny about jealousy for me to read, which she industriously and maliciously caused me to do; and the truth is, my conscience told me it was most proper for me, and therefore was touched at it; but took no notice of it, but read it out most frankly. But it stuck in my stomach; and moreover, I was vexed to have a dog brought to my house to lime our little bitch, which they make him do in all their sights; which God forgive me, doth stir my Jealousy again, though of itself the thing is a very immodest sight.
Thence home to dinner and then to the office, where all the afternoon and at night till very late; and then home to supper and bed, having a great cold, got on Sunday last by sitting too long with my head bare for Mercer to comb me and wash my eares.
Called up by Mr. Creed to discourse about some Tanger business And he gone, I made me ready and find Jane Welsh, Mr. Jervas his maid, come to tell me that she was gone from her master, and is resolved to stick to this sweetheart of hers, one Harbing (a very sorry little fellow, and poor); which I did in a word or two endeavour to dissuade her from. But being unwilling to keep her long at my house, I sent her away and by and by fallowed her to the Exchange, and thence led her about down to the Three Cranes, and there took boat for the Falcon and at a house going into the fields there, took up and sat an hour or two talking and discoursing and faisant ce que je voudrais quant à la toucher; but she would not laiser me faire l’autre thing, though I did enough to faire grand plaisir à moy-même. Thence having endeavoured to make her think of making herself happy by staying out her time with her master, and other counsels; but she told me she could not do it, for it was her fortune to have this man, though she did believe it would be to her ruine - which is a strange stupid thing, to a fellow of no kind of worth in the world and a beggar to boot.
At noon, being invited, I to the Sun behind the Change to dinner to my Lord Bellasses - where a great deal of discourse with him - and some good. Among other at table, he told us a very handsome passage of the King’s sending him his message about holding out the town of Newarke, of which he was then governor for the King. This message he sent in a Slugg=bullet, being writ in Cypher and wrapped up in lead and swallowed. So the messenger came to my Lord and told him he had a message from the King, but it was yet in his belly; so they did give him some physique, and out it came.
[The messenger “swallowed it in a billet and voided it twice”.]
...at supper, hearing by accident of my mayds their letting in a rogueing Scotch woman that haunts the office, to help them to wash and scour in our house, and that very lately, I fell mightily out, and made my wife, to the disturbance of the house and neighbours, to beat our little girle; and then we shut her down into the cellar and there she lay all night. So we to bed.
Thence to the office, and there found Bagwells wife, whom I directed to go home and I would do her business; which was to write a letter to my Lord Sandwich for her husband’s advance into a better ship as there should be occasion - which I did; and by and by did go down by water to Deptford-yard and then down further, and so landed at the lower end of the town; and it being dark, did privately entrer en la maison de la femme de Bagwell, and there I had sa compagnie, though with a great deal of difficulty; néanmoins, en fin je avais ma volonté d’elle, and being sated therewith, I walked home to Redriffe, it being now near nine a-clock; and there I did drink some strong waters and eat some bread and cheese, and so home...
Up, and to the office (having a mighty pain in my forefinger of my left hand, from a strain that it received last night in struggling avec la femme que je mentioned yesterday), where busy till noon; and then my wife being busy in going with her woman to a hot-house to bathe herself, after her long being within doors in the dirt, so that she now pretends to a resolution of being hereafter very clean - how long it will hold I can guess...
What mad freaks the mayds of Honour at Court have - that Mrs. Jennings, one of the Duchesse’s maids, the other day dressed herself like an orange-wench and went up and down and cried oranges - till falling down, or by such accident (though in the evening), her fine shoes were discerned, and she put to a great deal of shame.
Came home; I to the taking my wife’s kitchen accounts at the latter end of the month, and there find 7s. wanting - which did occasion a very high falling out between us; I endeed too eagerly insisting upon so poor a thing, and did give her very provoking words, calling her “beggar”* and reproaching her friends**; which she took very stomachfully, and reproached me justly with mine; and I confess, being myself, I cannot see what she could have done less. I find she is very cunning, and when she least shows it, hath her wit at work; but it is an ill one, though I think not so bad but with good usage I might well bear with it; and the truth is, I do find that my being over-solicitous and jealous and froward, and ready to reproach her, doth make her worse. However, I find that now and then a little difference do no hurt - but too much of it will make her know her force too much. We parted, after many high words, very angry; and I to my office to my month’s accounts, and find myself worth 1270l. for which the Lord God be praised.
* because she brought no dowry to their marriage
** “friends” in this context means relations
Mr. Povy and I in his coach to Hide Parke, being the first day of the Tour there - where many brave ladies. Among others, Castlemayne lay impudently upon her back in her coach asleep with her mouth open. There was also my Lady Kerneeguy, once my Lady Anne Hambleton, that is said to have given the Duke a clap upon his first coming over.
I also went to Jervas’s my barber, for my periwig that was mending there. And there do hear that Jane is quite undone - taking that idle fellow for her husband, yet not married, and lay with him several weeks that had another wife and child - and she is now going into Ireland.
So home, vexed. And going to my Lady Battens, there found a great many women with her in her chamber, merry - my Lady Pen and her daughter, among others; where my Lady Pen flung me down upon the bed, and herself and others, one after another, upon me, and very merry we were; and thence I home and called my wife with my Lady Pen to supper, and very merry as I could be, being vexed as I was.So home to bed.
This day was left at my house a very neat Silver watch, by one Briggs, a Scrivener and Sollicitor; at which I was angry with my wife for receiving, or at least for opening the box wherein it was, and so far witnessing our receipt of it as to give the messenger 5s for bringing it. But it can’t be helped, and I will endeavour to do the man a kindness - he being a friend of my uncle Wights.
...we to Gresham College - where we saw some experiments upon a hen, a dog, and a cat of the Florence poyson. The first it made for a time drunk, but it came to itself again quickly. The second it made vomitt mightily, but no other hurt. The third I did not stay to see the effect of it...
At noon dined, and Mr. Povy by agreement with me (where his boldness with Mercer, poor innocent wench, did make both her and me blush to think how he were able to debauch a poor girl if he had opportunity) at a dish or two of plain meat of his own choice.
And my wife’s painting-maister stayed and dined, and I take great pleasure in thinking that my wife will really come to something in that business.
To the Change after office, and received my Wach from the watch-maker; and a very fine one it is - given me by Briggs the Scrivener...
But Lord, to see how much of my old folly and childishnesse hangs upon me still, that I cannot forbear carrying my watch in my hand in the coach all this afternoon, and seeing what a-clock it is 100 times. And am apt to think with myself: how could I be so long without one - though I remember since, I had one and found it a trouble, and resolved to carry one no more about me while I lived.
I took coach and to Westminster-hall, where I took the fairest flower and by coach to Tothill-fields for the ayre, till it was dark. I light, and in with the fairest flower to eat a cake, and there did do as much as was safe with my flower, and that was enough on my part. Broke up, and away without any notice; and after delivering the rose where it should be, I to the Temple and light; and come to the middle door and there took another coach, and so home - to write letters; but very few, God knows, being (by my pleasure) made to forget everything that is. The coachman that carried us cannot know me again, nor the people at the house where we were.
This day, much against my Will, I did in Drury-lane see two or three houses marked with a red cross upon the doors, and “Lord have mercy upon us” writ there - which was a sad sight to me, being the first of the kind that to my remembrance I ever saw. It put me into an ill conception of myself and my smell, so that I was forced to buy some roll=tobacco to smell to and chaw, which took away the apprehension.
Lord’s day. Up, and expected long a new suit; but, coming not, dressed myself in my late new black silk camelot suit; and, when fully ready, comes my new one of Colour’d Farrinden, which my wife puts me out of love with; which vexes me, but I think it is only my not being used to wear Colours, which makes it look a little unusual upon me...
...I out of doors a little, to show forsooth my new suit, and back again
It stroke me very deep this afternoon, going with a Hackney-coach from my Lord Treasurer’s down Holborne - the coachman I found to drive easily and easily; at last stood still, and came down hardly able to stand; and told me that he was suddenly stroke very sick and almost blind, he could not see. So I light and went into another coach, with a sad heart for the poor man and trouble for myself, lest he should have been stroke with the plague - being at that end of the town that I took him up. But God have mercy upon us all.
...I by water to Woolwich, where I found my wife come and her two maids, and very prettily accommodated they will be. And I left them going to supper, grieved in my heart to part with my wife, being worse by much without her, though some trouble there is in having the care of a family at home in this plague time. And so took leave, and I in one boat and W. Hewer in another, home very late, first against tide - we having walked in the dark to Greenwich. Late home and to bed - very alonely.
So despatched all my business, having assurance of continuance of all hearty love from Sir W. Coventry; and so we stayed and saw the King and Queene set out toward Salsbury - and after them, the Duke and Duchesse - whose hands I did kiss. And it was the first time I did ever or did see any body else kiss her hand; and it was a most fine white and fat hand. But it was pretty to see the young pretty ladies dressed like men; in velvet coats, caps with ribbands, and with laced bands just like men - only the Duchesse herself it did not become.
And so after them, Mr. Marr telling me by the way how a maid-servant of Mr. John Wrights (who lives thereabouts), falling sick of the plague, she was removed to an out-house, and a nurse appointed to look to her - who, being once absent, the maid got out of the house at the window and run away. The nurse coming and knocking, and having no answer, believed she was dead, and went and told Mr. Wright so; who, and his lady, were in great strait what to do to get her buried. At last resolved to go to Burntwood hard by, being in the parish, and there get people to do it - but they would not; so he went home full of trouble, and in the way met the wench walking over the Common, which frighted him worse then before. And was forced to send people to take her; which he did, and they got one of the pest Coaches and put her into it to carry her to a pest-house. And passing in a narrow lane, Sir Anthony Browne, with his brother and some friends in the coach, met this coach with the Curtains drawn close. The brother being a young man, and believing there might be some lady in it that would not be seen, and the way being narrow, he thrust his head out of his own into her coach to look, and there saw somebody look very ill, and in a sick dress and stunk mightily; which the coachman also cried out upon. And presently they come up to some people that stood looking after it; and told our gallants that it was a maid of Mr. Wrights carried away sick of the plague - which put the young gentleman into a fright had almost cost him his life, but is now well again.
They gone, comes Rayner the boatmaker about some business, and brings a piece of plate with him, which I refused to take of him; thinking endeed that the poor man hath no reason nor incouragement from our dealings with him to give any of us any presents. He gone, there comes Lewellin, about Mr. Deerings business of Planke, to have the contract perfected, and offers me twenty pieces in gold, as Deering had done some time since himself; but I both then and now refused it, resolving not to be bribed to dispatch business; but will have it done, however, out of hand forthwith. So he gone, I to supper and to bed.
By and by to the office, where we sat all the morning, in great trouble to see the Bill this week rise so high, to above 4000 in all, and of them, above 3000 of the plague. And an odd story of Alderman Bences stumbling at night over a dead Corps in the street; and going home and telling his wife, she at the fright, being with child, falls sick and died of the plague. We sat late; and then by invitation My Lord Brounker, Sir J. Mennes, Sir W. Batten and I to Sir G. Smith’s to dinner, where very good company and good cheer. Captain Cocke was there, and Jacke Fenn - but to our great wonder, Alderman Bence; and tells us that not a word of all this is true, and others said so too. But by his own story, his wife hath been ill, and he fain to leave his house and comes not to her - which continued a trouble to me all the time I was there.
Up by 4 a-clock and walked to Greenwich, where called at Captain Cockes and to his chamber, he being in bed - where something put my last night’s dream into my head, which I think is the best that ever was dreamed - which was, that I had my Lady Castlemayne in my armes, and was admitted to use all the dalliance I desired with her, and then dreamed that this could not be awake but that it was only a dream. But that since it was a dream and that I took so much real pleasure in it, what a happy thing it would be, if when we are in our graves (as Shakespeere resembles it), we could dream, and dream but such dreams as this - that then we should not need to be so fearful of death as we are this plague-time.
I by water to Charing-cross, to the post-house; and there the people tell me they are shut up, and so I went to the new post-house and there got a guide and horses to Hounslow - where I was mightily taken with a little girl, the daughter of the maister of the House (Betty Gysby), which if she lives, will make a great beauty.
Here I met with a fine fellow, who, while I stayed for my horses, did enquire news; but I could not make him remember Bergen in Norway - in six or seven times telling - so ignorant he was.
So to Stanes, and there by this time it was dark night, and got a guide who lost his way in the forest, till by help of the Moone (which recompenses me for all the pains I ever took about studying of her motions) I led my guide into the way again back; and so we made a man rise that kept a gate, and so he carried us to Cranborne-
Where in the dark I perceive an old house new-building with a great deal of Rubbish, and was fain to go up a ladder to Sir G. Carteret’s chamber. And there in his bed I sat down and told him all my bad news, which troubled him mightily, but yet we were very merry and made the best of it; and being myself weary, did take leave, and after having spoken with Mr. Fen in bed - I to bed in my Lady’s chamber that she uses to lie in, and where the Duchesse of York that now is was born. So to sleep - being very well but weary, and the better by having carried with me a bottle of strong water - whereof now and then a sip did me good.
Up, and being ready, I out to Mr. Colvill, the goldsmith’s, having not for some days been in the streets. But now, how few people I see, and those walking like people that had taken leave of the world.
At the Duke of Albemarle I overheard some examinations of the late plot that is discoursed of, and a great deal of do there is about it. Among other discourses, I heard read, in the presence of the Duke, an examination and discourse of Sir Philip Howards with one of the plotting party - in many places these words being then said: Sir P. Howard, “if you will come over to the King and be faithful to him, you shall be maintained and be set up with a horse and armes and I know not what.” And then said such a one: “Yes, I will be true to the King.” “But, damn me!” said Sir Philip, “will you so and so?” And thus, I believe, twelve times Sir P. Howard answered him a “Damn me!” which was a fine way of Rhetorique to persuade a Quaker or anabaptist from his persuasion. And this was read, in the hearing of Sir P. Howard, before the Duke and twenty more officers, and they make sport of it only, without any reproach or he being anything ashamed of it. But it ended, I remember, at last: “But such a one (the plotter) did at last bid them remember that he had not told them what king he would be faithful to.”
...walked home, my Lord Brouncker giving me a very neat Cane to walk with. But it troubled me to pass by Come Farme, where about 21 people have died of the plague - and three or four days since I saw a dead corpse in a Coffin lie in the close un-buryed - and a watch is constantly kept there, night and day, to keep the people in - the plague making us cruel as dogs one to another.
He showed me a black boy that he had that died of a consumption; and being dead, he caused him to be dried in a Oven, and lies entire in a box.
Among other humours, Mr. Eveling’s repeating of some verses made up of nothing but the various acceptations of May and Can, and doing it so aptly, upon occasion of something of that nature, and so fast, did make us all die almost with laughing, and did so stop the mouth of Sir J. Mennes in the middle of all his mirth (and in a thing agreeing with his own manner of Genius) that I never saw any man so out-done in all my life; and Sir J. Mennes’s mirth too, to see himself out-done, was the crown of all our mirth.
A pretty passage was that the coach stood of a sudden, and the coachman come down, and the horses stirring, he cried “Hold!” which waked me; and the coachman standing at the boot to do something or other, and crying “Hold!,” I did wake of a sudden; and not knowing who he was nor thinking of the coachman, between sleeping and waking I did take up the heart to take him by the shoulder, thinking verily he had been a thief. But when I waked, I found my cowardly heart to discover a fear within me, and that I should never have done it if I had been awake.
But Lord, what a sad time it is, to see no boats upon the River - and grass grow all up and down Whitehall-court - and nobody but poor wretches in the streets. And which is worst of all, the Duke showed us the number of the plague this week, brought in the last night from the Lord Mayor - that it is encreased about 600 more than the last, which is quite contrary to all our hopes and expectations from the coldness of the late season: for the whole general number is 8297; and of them, the plague 7165 - which is more in the whole, by above 50, then the biggest Bill yet - which is very grievous to us all.
So after supper Captain Cocke and I and Temple on board the Bezan, and there to Cards for a while and then to read again in Rhodes and so to sleep. But Lord, the mirth which it caused me to be waked in the night by their Snoaring round about me - I did laugh till I was ready to burst, and waked one of the two companions of Temple, who could not a good while tell where he was, that he heard one laugh so, till he recollected himself and I told him what it was at; and so to sleep again, they still Snoaring.
We having sailed all night (and I do wonder how they in the dark could find the way), we got by morning to Gillingham; and thence all walked to Chatham, and there with Commissioner Pett viewed the Yard; and among other things, a Teame of four horses came close by us, he being with me, drawing a piece of timber that I am confident one man would easily have carried upon his back; I made the horses be taken away and a man or two take the timber away with their hands. This the Commissioner did see, but said nothing; but I think had cause to be ashamed of.
So I walked through Westminster to my old house, the Swan, and there did pass some time with Sarah; and so down by water to Deptford and there to my Valentine’s; round about and next door on every side is the plague, but I did not value it but there did what I would con elle; and so away to Mr. Evelings to discourse of our confounded business of prisoners and sick and wounded seamen, wherein he and we are so much put out of order.
[“my Valentine” was Mrs Bagwell.]
Up, about seven a-clock; and after drinking, and I observing Mr. Povy’s being mightily mortifyed in his eating and drinking and coaches and horses (he desiring to sell his best) and every thing else, his furniture of his house - he walked with me to Syon; and there I took water, in our way he discoursing of the wantonness of the Court and how it minds nothing else. And I saying that that would leave the King shortly if he did not leave it, he told me “No,” for the King do spend most of his time in feeling and kissing them naked all over their bodies in bed – and contents himself, without doing the other thing but as he finds himself inclined; but this lechery will never leave him.
I was set down at Woolwich town’s-end and walked through the town in the dark, it being now night. But in the street did overtake and almost run upon two women, crying and carrying a man’s Coffin between them: I suppose the husband of one of them, which methinks is a sad thing.
At noon to dinner, and after some discourse of music, he and I, I to the office awhile, and he to get Mr. Coleman, if he can, against night. By and by, I back again home, and there find him returned with Mr. Coleman (his wife being ill) and Mr. Laneare - with whom, with their Lute, we had excellent company and good singing till midnight, and a good supper I did give them. But Coleman’s voice is quite spoiled; and when he begins to be drunk, he is excellent company, but afterward, troublesome and impertinent. Laneare sings, in a melancholy method, very well, and a sober man he seems to be. They being gone, we to bed...
I to the office, where Sir W. Batten met me and did tell me that Captain Cockes black was dead of the plague - which I had heard of before but took no notice. By and by Captain Cocke come to the office, and Sir W. Batten and I did send to him that he would either forbear the office or forbear going to his own office. However, meeting yesterday the Searchers with their rods in their hands coming from his house, I did overhear them say that the fellow did not die of the plague. But he had I know been ill a good while, and I am told that his boy Jacke is also ill.
Lay very long in bed, discoursing with Mr. Hill of most things of a man’s life, and how little merit doth prevail in the world, but only favour - and that for myself, chance without merit brought me in, and that diligence only keeps me so, and will, living as I do among so many lazy people, that the diligent man becomes necessary, that they cannot do anything without him. And so told him of my late business of the victualling and what cares I am in to keep myself, having to do with people of so different factions at Court, and yet must be fair with them all - which was very pleasant discourse for me to tell, as well, as he seemed to take it, for him to hear.
Here Sir W. Batten told us (which I had not heard before) that the last sitting-day his cloak was taken from Mingo, going home to dinner, and that he was beaten by the seamen, and swears he will come to Greenwich but no more to the office (till he can sit safe); after dinner, I to the office and there late. And much troubled to have 100 seamen all the afternoon there, swearing below and cursing us and breaking the glass windows; and swear they will pull the house down on Tuesday next. I sent word of this to Court, but nothing will help it but money and a rope.
Up, and after being trimmed, by boate to the Cockepitt, where I heard the Duke of Albemarle’s chaplain make a simple sermon. Among other things, reproaching the imperfection of humane learning, he cried - “All our physicians can’t tell what an ague is, and all our Arithmetique is not able to number the days of a man”- which, God knows, is not the fault of arithmetique, but that our understandings reach not the thing...
Here comes in in the middle of our discourse, Captain Cocke, as drunk as a dog, but could stand, and talk and laugh. He did so joy himself in a brave woman that he had been with all the afternoon, and who should it be but my Lady Robinson. But very troublesome he is with his noise and talk, and laughing, though very pleasant.
With him in his coach to Mr. Glanvills, where he sat with Mrs. Penington and myself a good while, talking of this fine woman again, and then went away. Then the lady and I to very serious discourse; and among other things, of what a bonny lass my Lady Robinson is, who is reported to be kind to the prisoners, and hath said to Sir G. Smith, who is her great Chrony: “Look, there is a pretty man; I would be contented to break a commandment with him” - and such loose expressions she will have often.
After an hour’s talk, we to bed - the lady mightily troubled about a pretty little bitch she hath, which is very sick and will eat nothing. And the jest was, I could hear her in her chamber bemoaning the bitch; and by and by taking her into bed with her, the bitch pissed and shit abed, and she was fain to rise and had coals out of my chamber to dry the bed again.
Up, and to Sir G. Carteret, and with him, he being very passionate to be gone, without staying a minute for breakfast, to the Duke of Albemarle; and I with him by water and with Fen. But among other things, Lord, to see how he wondered to see the river so empty of boats - nobody working at the Custome-house Keys. And how fearful he is, and vexed that his man, holding a wine-glass in his hand for him to drink out of, did cover his hands, it being a cold, windy, rainy morning, under the watermans Coate, though he brought the waterman from six or seven miles up the River too. Nay, he carried this glass with him for his man to let him drink out of at the Duke of Albemarle, where he intended to dine, though this he did to prevent sluttery; for, for the same reason he carried a napkin with him to Captain Cocke, making him believe that he should eat with foul linen.
And so he and I to Glanvills, and there he and I sat talking and playing with Mrs. Penington, whom we found undressed in her smock and petticoats by the fireside; and there we drank and laughed, and she willingly suffered me to put my hand in her bosom very wantonly, and keep it there long - which methought was very strange, and I looked upon myself as a man mightily deceived in a lady, for I could not have thought she could have suffered it, by her former discourse with me - so modest she seemed and I know not what.
After dinner, who comes in but my Lady Batten and a troop of a dozen women almost,;and expected, as I found afterward, to be made mighty much of, but nobody minded them. But the best Jest was, that when they saw themselves not regarded, they would go away; and it was horrible foul weather, and my Lady Batten walking through the dirty lane with new spick-and-span white shoes, she dropped one of her Galloshes in the dirt, where it stuck, and she forced to go home without one - at which she was horribly vexed, and I led her. And after vexing her a little more in mirth, I parted...
So I on board my Lord Bruncker, and there he and Sir Edmd Pooly carried me down into the Hold of the India Shipp, and there did show me the greatest wealth lie in confusion that a man can see in the world - pepper scattered through every chink, you trod upon it; and in cloves and nutmegs, I walked above the knees - whole rooms full - and silk in bales, and boxes of Copper-plate, one of which I saw opened.
...to London, to look for Captain Kingdon, whom we found at home about 5 a-clock. I wooed him, and he promised to fallow us presently to the East India-house to sign papers tonight, in order to the settling the business of my receiving money for Tanger. We went and stopped the officers there to shut up. He made us stay above an hour. I sent for him; he comes, but was not found at home, but abroad on other business - and brings a paper saying that he had been this hour looking for the Lord Ashlys order. When he looks for it, that is not the paper - he would go again to look; kept us waiting till almost 8 at night. Then was I to go home by water this weather and dark, and to write letters by the post - besides keeping the East India officers there so late. I sent for him again; at last he comes and says he cannot find the paper (which is a pretty thing, to lay orders for 100000l. no better); I was angry; he told me I ought to give people ease at night, and all business was to be done by day. I answered him sharply, that I did not make, nor any honest man, any difference between night and day in the King’s business, and this was such - and my Lord Ashly should know; he answered me short; I told him I knew the time (meaning the Rump’s time) when he did other men’s business with more diligence. He cried, “Nay, say not so,” and stopped his mouth, not one word after. We then did our business without the order in less than eight minutes, which he made me, to no purpose, stay above two hours for the doing. This made him mad; and so we exchanged notes, and I had notes for 14000l. of the Treasurer of the Company; and so away and by water to Greenwich and wrote my letters, and so home late to bed.
I spent the afternoon upon a song of Solyman’s words to Roxolana that I have set; and so with my wife walked, and Mercer, to Mrs. Pierces, where Captain Rolt and Mrs. Knipp, Mr. Coleman and his wife, and Laneare, Mrs. Worship, and her singing daughter met; and by and by unexpectedly comes Mr. Pierce from Oxford. Here the best company for musique I ever was in in my life, and wish I could live and die in it, both for music and the face of Mrs. Pierce, and my wife and Knipp, who is pretty enough, but the most excellent, mad- humourd thing; and sings the noblest that ever I heard in my life, and Rolt with her, some things together most excellently - I spent the night in ectasy almost...
Thence back, landing at the Old Swan and taking boat again at Billingsgate and setting ashore at home; and I, lying down close in my boat, and there, without use of my hand, had great pleasure, and the first time I did make trial of it complete avec la fille que I did see au-jour-dhuy in Westminster hall.
Christmas Day. To church in the morning, and there saw a wedding in the church, which I have not seen many a day, and the young people so merry one with another; and strange, to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition, every man and wife gazing and smiling at them.
To the office, where upon Mr. Kinaston’s coming to me about some business of Collonell Norwood’s, I sent my boy home for some papers; where, he staying longer then I would have him and being vexed at the business and to be kept from my fellows in the office longer than was fit, I become angry and boxed my boy when he came, that I do hurt my Thumb so much, that I was not able to stir all the day after and in great pain.
...and my Lord and I, the wind being again very furious, so as we durst not go by water, walked to London quite round the Bridge, no boat being able to Stirre; and Lord, what a dirty walk we had, and so strong the wind, that in the fields we many times could not carry our bodies against it, but was driven backwards... It was dangerous to walk the streets, the bricks and tiles falling from the houses, that the whole streets were covered with them - and whole chimneys, nay, whole houses in two or three places, blowed down. But above all, the pales on London-bridge on both sides were blown away, so that we were fain to stoop very low, for fear of blowing off of the bridge. We could see no boats in the Thames afloat but what were broke loose and carried through the bridge, it being ebbing water. And the greatest sight of all was, among other parcels of ships driven here and there in clusters together, one was quite overset, and lay with her masts all along in the water, and keel above water.
Up, and pleased mightily with what my poor wife hath been doing these eight or ten days with her own hands, like a drudge, in fitting the new hangings of our bed-chamber of blue, and putting the old red ones into my dressing-room.
At Branford I light, having need to shit; and went into an Inne doore that stood open, found the house of office, and used it, but saw no people: only after I was in the house, heard a great dog bark and so was afeared how I should get safe back again, and therefore drew my sword and scabbard out of my belt to have ready in my hand - but did not need to use it, but got safe into the coach again. But lost my belt by that shift, not missing it till I came to Hampton Court.
This is the first time I have been in this church since I left London for the plague; and it frighted me indeed to go through the church, more than I thought it could have done, to see so many graves lie so high upon the churchyard, where people have been buried of the plague. I was much troubled at it, and do not think to go through it again a good while.
It being fast-day, I stayed at home all day long to set things to rights in my chamber, by taking out all my books and putting my chamber in the same condition it was before the plague. But in the morning, doing of it and knocking up a nail, I did bruise my left thumb, so as broke a great deal of my flesh off, that it hung by a little. It was a sight frighted my wife - but I put some balsam of Mrs. Turners to it, and though in great pain, yet went on with my business; and did it to my full content, setting every thing in order, in hopes now that the worst of our fears are over as to the plague for the next year.
Then comes Mr. Cæsar, my boy’s lute-master, whom I have not seen since the plague before, but he hath been in Westminster all this while very well - and tells me how, in the height of it, how bold people there were to go in sport to one another’s burials. And in spite to well people, would breathe in the faces (out of their windows) of well people going by.
...I to make good my Journal for two or three days, and begun it, till I came to the other side, where I have scratched so much, for, for want of sleep, I begun to write idle and from the purpose – so forced to break off, and to bed.
This day I begun to sit, and he will make me, I think, a very fine picture. He promises it shall be as good as my wife’s, and I sit to have it full of shadows, and do almost break my neck looking over my shoulder to make the posture for him to work by.
Here we dined, and Sir J. Minnes came to us - and after dinner we walked to the King’s play-house, all in dirt, they being altering of the Stage to make it wider - but God knows when they will begin to act again. But my business here was to see the inside of the Stage and all the tiring roomes and Machines; and endeed it was a sight worthy seeing. But to see their clothes and the various sorts, and what a mixture of things there was, here a wooden leg, there a ruff, here a hobby-horse, there a Crowne, would make a man split himself to see with laughing - and perticularly Lacys wardrobe, and Shotrell’s. But then again, to think how fine they show on the stage by candle-light, and how poor things they are to look now too near hand, is not pleasant at all. The Machines are fine, and the paintings very pretty.
There, walking with Mr. Gawden in Westminster-hall, he and I to talk from one business to another, and at last to the marriage of his daughter; he told me the story of Creeds pretences to his daughter, and how he would not believe but she loved him, while his daughter was in great passion on the other hand against him. Thence to talk of his son Benj; and I proposed a match for him, and at last named my sister, which he imbraces heartily; and speaking of the lowness of her portion, that it would be less then 1000l, he tells me, if every thing else agrees, he will, out of what he means to give me yearly, make a portion for her shall cost me nothing more than I intend freely. This did mightily rejoice me; and, full of it, did go with him to London to the Change and there did much business, and at the Coffee-house with Sir W. Warren - who very wisely did show me that my matching my sister with Mr. Gawden would undo me in all my places, everybody suspecting me in all I do, and I shall neither be able to serve him nor free myself from imputation of being of his faction, while I am placed for his severest check. I was convinced that it would be for neither of our interests to make this alliance, and so am quite off of it again; but with great satisfaction in the motion.
But Lord, what a conflict I had with myself, my heart tempting me a thousand times to go abroad about some pleasure or other, notwithstanding the weather foul. However, I reproached myself with my weakness in yielding so much my judgment to my sense, and prevailed with difficulty; and did not budge, but stayed within and to my great content did a great deal of business; and so home to supper and to bed.
Up, and after an hour or two’s talk with my poor wife, who gives me more and more content every day then other, I abroad by coach to Westminster; and there met with Mrs. Martin, and she and I over the water to Stangate; and after a walk in the fields, to the King’s-head and there spent an hour or two with pleasure with her, and eat a tansy and so parted.
...at night home and up to the leads; but were, contrary to expectation, driven down again with a stink by Sir W. Pen’s emptying of a shitten pot in their house of office close by; which doth trouble me, for fear it do hereafter annoy me.
After dinner to the office again; and thither comes Mr. Downing the Anchor-smith, who had given me 50 pieces in gold the last month to speak for him to Sir W. Coventry for his being smith at Deptford. But after I had got it granted him, he finds himself not fit to go on with it, so lets it fall - so has no benefit of my motion; I therefore in honour and conscience took him home, and though much to my grief, did yet willingly and forcibly force him to take it again, the poor man having no mind to have it. However, I made him take it, and away he went; and I glad I had given him so much cause to speak well of me.
Thence with them to Cornehill to call and choose a chimney-piece for Pierces closet; and so home, where my wife in mighty pain, and mightily vexed at my being abroad with these women - and when they were gone, called them whores and I know not what; which vexed me, having been so innocent with them. So I with them to Mrs. Turner’s and there sat with them a while; anon my wife sends for me; I come, and what was it but to scold at me, and she would go abroad to take the ayre presently, that she would. So I left my company and went with her to Bow, but was vexed and spoke not one word to her all the way, going nor coming - or being come home; but went up straight to bed. Half an hour after (she in the coach leaning on me as being desirous to be friends), she comes up, mighty sick with a fit of the Cholique and in mighty pain, and calls for me out of the bed; I rose and held her; she prays me to forgive her, and in mighty pain we put her to bed - where the pain ceased by and by; and so had some sparagus to our beds-side for supper, and very kindly afterward to sleep, and good friends in the morning.
At noon home, where I find my wife troubled still at my checking her last night in the coach in her long stories out of Grand Cyrus, which she would tell, though nothing to the purpose nor in any good manner. This she took unkindly, and I think I was to blame endeed - but she doth find, with reason, that in the company of Pierce - Knipp - or other women that I love, I do not value her, or mind her as I ought. However, very good friends by and by, and to dinner, and after dinner up to the putting our dining-room in order, which will be clean again anon, but not as it is to be, because of the pictures, which are not come home.
And thence to the Abbey, and so to Mrs. Martin and there did what je voudrais avec her, both devante and backward, which is also muy bon plazer.
Thence with mighty content homeward; and in my way, at the Stockes did buy a couple of lobsters, and so home to dinner. Where I find my wife and father had dined, and were going out to Hales’s to sit there. So Balty and I alone to dinner; and in the middle of my grace, praying for a blessing upon (these his good creatures), my mind fell upon my Lobsters - upon which I cried, “Cuds zookes!” And Balty looked upon me like a man at a loss what I meant, thinking at first that I meant only that I had said the grace after meat, instead of that before meat; but then I cried, “What is become of my lobsters?”, whereupon he run out of doors to overtake the coach, but could not, and so came back again, and mighty merry at dinner to think of my Surprize.
Thence to my Lord Bellasyse, by invitation, and there dined with him and his lady and daughter; and at dinner there played to us a young boy lately come from France, where he had been learning a year or two on the viallin, and plays finely. But impartially, I do not find any goodness in their ayres (though very good) beyond ours, when played by the same hand; I observed in several of Baptiste’s (the present great composer) and our Bannisters. But it was pretty to see how passionately my Lord’s daughter loves music, the most that ever I saw creature in my life.
Thence home, and at my business till late at night; then with my wife into the garden, and there sang with Mercer - whom I feel myself beginning to love too much, by handling of her breasts in a morning when she dresses me, they being the finest that ever I saw in my life; that is the truth of it. So home, and to supper with beans and bacon, and to bed.
At noon home to dinner, and then to the office, the yard being very full of women (I believe above 300) coming to get money for their husbands and friends that are prisoners in Holland; and they lay clamouring and swearing, and cursing us, that my wife and I were afeard to send a venison-pasty that we have for supper tonight to the cook’s to be baked, for fear of their offering violence to it - but it went, and no hurt done. Then I took an opportunity, when they were all gone into the fore=yard, and slipped into the office and there busy all the afternoon. But by and by the women got into the garden, and come all to my closet window and there tormented me; and I confess, their cries were so sad for money, and laying down the condition of their families and their husbands, and what they have done and suffered for the King, and how ill they are used by us, and how well the Dutch are used here by the allowance of their masters, and what their husbands are offered to serve the Dutch abroad, that I do most heartily pity them, and was ready to cry to hear them - but cannot help them; however, when the rest was gone, I did call one to me that I heard complain only and pity her husband, and did give her some money; and she blessed me and went away.
Thence with my wife and Mercer to my Lord Chancellors new house, and there carried them up to the Leads - where I find my Lord Chamberlaine, Lauderdale, Sir Rob. Murray, and others. And do find it the most delightful place for prospect that ever was in the world, it even ravishing me; and that is all, in short, I can say of it.
Being come thither, we went to my Lord Lauderdale’s house to speak with him about getting a man at Leith to join with one we imploy to buy some prize-goods for the King. We find him and his lady and some Scotch people at supper - pretty odd company; though my Lord Brouncker tells me, my Lord Lauderdale is a man of mighty good reason and judgement. But at supper there played one of their servants upon the viallin, some Scotch tunes only – several - and the best of their country, as they seemed to esteem them by their praising and admiring them: but Lord, the strangest ayre that ever I heard in my life, and all of one cast. But strange to hear my Lord Lauderdale say himself, that he had rather hear a Catt mew then the best Musique in the world - and the better the music, the more sick it makes him. And that of all instruments, he hates the lute most; and next to that, the Baggpipe.
...after dinner to Mrs. Martins and there find Mrs. Burroughs, and by and by comes a pretty widow, one Mrs. Eastwood, and one Mrs. Fenton, a maid. And here merry, kissing and looking on their breasts, and all the innocent pleasure in the world. But Lord, to see the dissembling of this widow; how upon the singing of a certain Jigg by Doll, Mrs. Martin’s sister, she seemed to be sick and fainted and God knows what, because the Jigg which her husband (who died this last sickness) loved. But by and by I made her as merry as is possible, and tossed and tumbled her as I pleased, and then carried her and her sober pretty kinswoman, Mrs. Fenton, home to their lodging in the new market of my Lord Treasurers, and there left them.
And after dinner with my wife and Mercer to the Beare=garden, where I have not been I think of many years, and saw some good sport of the bull’s tossing of the dogs - one into the very boxes. But it is a very rude and nasty pleasure. We had a great many hectors in the same box with us (and one, very fine, went into the pit and played his dog for a wager, which was a strange sport for a gentleman), where they drank wine, and drank Mercer’s health first, which I pledged with my hat off.
And then about nine o’clock to Mrs. Mercers gate, where the fire and boys expected us and her son had provided abundance of Serpents and rockets; and there mighty merry (my Lady Pen and Pegg going thither with us and Nan Wright) till about twelve at night, flinging our fireworks and burning one another and the people over the way. And at last our businesses being most spent, - we into Mrs. Mercers, and there mighty merry, smutting one another with Candlegresee and soot, till most of us were like devils; and that being done, then we broke up and to my house, and there I made them drink; and upstairs we went, and then fell into dancing (W. Batelier dancing well), and dressing, him and I and one Mr. Banister (who with his wife came over also with us) like women; and Mercer put on a suit of Toms, like a boy, and mighty mirth we had, and Mercer danced a Jigg, and Nan Wright and my wife and Pegg Pen put on perriwigs. Thus we spent till 3 or 4 in the morning, mighty merry; and then parted and to bed.
And among other things, he tells me how the King of Syam seldom goes out without 30 or 40000 people with him, and not a word spoke nor a hum or cough in the whole company to be heard. He tells me the punishment frequently there for malefactors is cutting off the Crowne of their head, which they do very dexterously, leaving their brains bare, which kills them presently. He told me, what I remember he hath once done heretofore - that everybody is to lie flat down at the coming by of the King, and nobody to look upon him, upon pain of death. And that he and his fellows, being strangers, were invited to see the sport of taking of a wild Eliphant. And they did only kneel and look toward the King. Their Druggerman did desire them to fall down, for otherwise he should suffer for their contempt of the King. The sport being ended, a messenger comes from the King, which the Druggerman thought had been to have taken away his life. But it was to enquire how the strangers liked the sport. The Druggerman answered that they did cry it up to be the best that ever they saw, and that they never heard of any prince so great in every thing as this King. The messenger being gone back, Erwin and his company asked their Druggerman what he had said, which he told them. “But why,” say they, “would you say that without our leave, it being not true?” “It is no matter for that,” says he, “I must have said it, or have been hanged, for our King doth not live by meat, nor drink, but by having great lyes told him.”
So home and late at the office; and then home and there found Mr. Batelier and his sister Mary, and we sat chatting a great while, talking of Wiches and Spirits; and he told me of his own knowledge, being with some others at Bourdeaux, making a bargain with another man at a taverne for some Claretts, they did hire a fellow to thunder (which he had the art of doing upon a deale board) and to rain and hail; that is, make the noise of - so as did give them a pretence of undervaluing their Merchants wines, by saying this thunder would spoil and turn them - which was so reasonable to the Merchant that he did abate two pistolls per Ton for the wine, in belief of that - whereas, going out, there was no such thing. This Batelier did see and was the cause of to his profit, as is above said.
Rather than me pick out excerpts from this most famous section of Pepys’ diary, I recommend you to read the whole account, starting here: https://www.pepysdiary.com/diary/1666/09/02/
...home to bed and find, to my infinite joy, many rooms clean, and myself and wife lie in our own chamber again. But much terrified in the nights nowadays, with dreams of fire and falling down of houses.
Thence to White-hall with Sir W. Batten and Sir W. Pen, to Wilkes’s; and there did hear the many profane stories of Sir Henry Wood - damning the parsons for spending so much wine at the sacrament, cursing that ever they took the cup to themselves; and then another story, that he valued not all the world’s curses, for, for twopence he shall get at any time the prayers of some poor body, that is worth a thousand of all their curses. Lord Norwich drawing a Tooth at a health. Another time, he and pinchbacke and Dr. Goffe, now a religious man, Pinchbacke did begin a frolic of drinking out of a glass, with a toad in it that he had taken up going out to shit - he did it without harm. Goffe, who knew Sacke would kill the toad, called for sack. And when he saw it dead, says he, “I will have a quick toad; I will not drink from a dead toad;” by that means, no other being to be found, he escaped the health.
I made my brother in his Cassocke to say grace this day, but I like his voice so ill, that I begin to be sorry he hath taken this order upon him.
At night home to supper and singing with my wife, who hath lately begun to learn, and I think will come to do something, though her ear is not good, nor I, I confess, have patience enough to teach her, or hear her sing now and then a note out of tune, and am to blame that I cannot bear with that in her which is fit I should do with her as a learner, and one that I desire much could sing, and so should encourage her. This I was troubled at, for I do find that I put her out of heart and make her fearful to sing before me.
He, and I also, did buy some apples and pork; by the same token, the Bucher commended it as the best in England for Cloath and Colour - and for his beef, says he, “Look how fat it is; the lean appears only here and there a speck, like Beauty=spots.”
I up into the House, and among other things walked a good while with the Serjeant Trumpet, who tells me, as I wished, that the King’s Italian here is about setting three parts for Trumpets and shall teach some to sound them, and believes they will be admirable Musique.
But above all, there comes in the Dumb boy that I knew in Olivers time, who is mightily acquainted here and with Downing; and he made strange signs of the fire, and how the King was abroad, and many things they understood but I could not - which I wondering at, and discoursing with Downing about it, “Why,” says he, “it is only a little use, and you will understand him and make him understand you with as much ease as may be.” So I prayed him to tell him that I was afeard that my coach would be gone, and that he should go down and steal one of the seats out of the coach and keep it, and that would make the coachman to stay. He did this, so that the dumb boy did go down, and like a cunning rogue went into the coach, pretending to sleep; and by and by fell to his work, but finds the seats nailed to the coach; so he did all he could, but could not do it; however, stayed there and stayed the coach, till the coachman’s patience was quite spent, and beat the Dumb boy by force, and so went away. So the Dumb boy came up and told him all the story, which they below did see all that passed and knew it to be true.
We got well home; and in the way I did con mi mano tocar la jambe de Mercer sa chair. Elle retirait sa jambe modestement, but I did tocar sa peau with my naked hand. And the truth is, la fille hath something that is assez jolie.
Mr. Temples wife after dinner fell to play on the Harpsicon, till she tired everybody, that I left the house without taking leave, and no creature left standing by her to hear her.
Here at church (God forgive me), my mind did courir upon Betty Michell, so that I do hazer con mi cosa in la eglisa même.f12 November 1666
This afternoon, going towards Westminster, Creed and I did step in (the Duke of York being just going away from seeing of it) at Pauls, and in the Convocation-house yard did there see the body of Robt. Braybrooke, Bishop of London, that died 1404. He fell down in his tomb out of the great church into St. Fayths this late Fire, and is here seen his Skeleton with the flesh on; but all tough and dry like a spongy dry leather or Touchwood all upon his bones. His head turned aside. A great man in his time, and Lord Chancellor - and now exposed to be handled and derided by some, though admired for its duration by others. Many flocking to see it.
Here Dr. Croone told me that at the meeting at Gresham College tonight (which, it seems,they now have every Wednesday again) there was a pretty experiment, of the blood of one Dogg let out (till he died) into the body of another on one side, while all his own run out on the other side. The first died upon the place, and the other very well, and likely to do well. This did give occasion to many pretty wishes, as of the blood of a Quaker to be let into an Archbishop, and such like. But, as Dr. Croone says, may if it takes be of mighty use to man’s health, for the amending of bad blood by borrowing from a better body.
At noon home to dinner, where my wife and I fell out, I being displeased with her cutting away a lace hankercher so wide about the neck, down to her breasts almost, out of a belief, but without reason, that it is the fashion. Here we did give one another the lie too much, but were presently friends, and then I to my office...
At home to dinner, and then abroad, walking to the Old Swan, and in my way did see a cellar in Tower streete in a very fresh Fire, the late great winds having blown it up; it seemed to be only of Loggwood, that hath kept the fire all this while in it.
...and then my own company again took coach; and no sooner in the coach but something broke, that we were fain there to stay till a smith could be fetched, which was above an hour, and then it costing me 6s. to mend. Away round by the wall and Cow Lane, for fear it should break again, and in pain about the coach all the way. But to ease myself therein Betty Michell did sit at the same end with me; and there con su mano under my manteaux, I did pull off her cheirotheca and did tocar mi cosa con su mano through my chemise, but yet so as to hazer me hazer la grande cosa – and she did let me hazerle sin mucho trabaho. Being very much pleased with this, we at last come home, and so to supper, and then sent them by boat home, and we to bed.
...and so home to dinner, where finding the cloth laid, and much crumpled but clean, I grew angry and flung the trenchers about the room, and in a mighty heat I was; so a clean cloth was laid, and my poor wife very patient; and so to dinner, and in comes Mrs. Barbara Shelden, now Mrs. Wood, and dined with us. She mighty fine - and lives, I perceive, mighty happily; which I am glad for her sake, but hate her husband for a block-head in his choice.
Mr. Pierce did also tell me as a great truth, as being told it by Mr. Cowly, who was by, and heard it - that Tom Killigrew should publicly tell the King that his matters were coming into a very ill state, but that yet there was a way to help all - which is, says he, “There is a good honest able man that I could name, that if your Majesty would imploy and command to see all things well executed, all things would soon be mended; and this is one Charles Stuart - who now spends his time in imploying his lips and his prick about the Court, and hath no other imployment. But if you would give him this imployment, he were the fittest man in the world to perform it.” This he says is most true.
But the King do not profit by any of this, but lays all aside and remembers nothing, but to his pleasures again - which is a sorrowful consideration.
I to see Mrs. Martin, who is very well, and intends to go abroad tomorrow after her childbed. She doth tell me that this child did come la même jour that it ought to hazer after my avoir éteé con elle before her marido did venir home. And she would now have done anything cum ego; and did endeavor, but su cosa stave mala, which did empescar.
Then to talk of the King’s family: he says many of the Musique are ready to starve, they being five years behindhand for their wages. Nay, Evans, the famous man upon the Harp, having not his equal in the world, did the other day die for mere want, and was fain to be buried at the almes of the parish - and carried to his grave in the dark at night without one Linke, but that Mr. Hingston met it by chance, and did give 12d. to buy two or three links. He says all must come to ruin at this rate, and I believe him.
Thence I up to the Lords’ House to enquire for Lord Bellasses; and there hear how at a conference this morning between the two Houses, about the business of the Canary Company - my Lord Buckingham leaning rudely over my Lord Marquis of Dorchester, my Lord Dorchester removed his elbow. Duke of Buckingham asked whether he was uneasy. Dorchester replied, "Yes", and that he durst not do this, were he anywhere else. Buckingham replied, yes he would, and that he was a better man then himself. Dorchester answered that he lyed. With this Buckingham struck off his hat, and took him by his periwigg, and pulled it a-t’other-side, and held him. My Lord Chamberlain and others interposed. And upon coming into the House, the Lords did order them both to the Tower, whither they are to go this afternoon…
This day’s work will bring the Lieutenant of the Tower 350l.
Up, and called up by the King’s trumpets, which cost me 10s.
This day a house or two was blown up with powder in the Minorys, and several people spoiled, and many dug out from under the rubbish.
Up, and there come to me Darnell the Fidler, one of the Duke’s house, and brought me a set of lessons, all three parts. I heard them played to the Duke of York this Christmas at his lodgings, and bid him get me them. I did give him a Crowne for them - and did enquire after the music of The Siege of Rhodes, which, he tells me he can get me, which I am mighty glad of.
At noon to dinner; and there comes a letter from Mrs. Pierce, telling me she will come and dine with us on Thursday next with some of the players, Knipp, &c., which I was glad of but my wife vexed, which vexed me but I seemed merry, but know not how to order the matter whether they shall come or no.
Having done there, I to St. James’s, to see the Organ Mrs. Turner told me of the other night, of my late Lord Aubigny’s; and I took my Lord Brouncker with me, he being acquainted with my present Lord Almoner, Mr. Howard, brother to the Duke of Norfolke. So he and I thither and did see the Organ; but I do not like it, it being but a bawble, with a virginall joining to it - so I shall not meddle with it. Here we sat and talked with him a good while, and he seems a good-natured gentleman. Here I observed the Deske which he hath to remove, and is fastened to one of the armes of his Chayre. I do also observe the counterfeit windows there was in the form of Doores with Looking glasses instead of windows, which makes the room seem both bigger and lighter I think; and I have some thoughts to have the like in one of my rooms.
We being rose and I ending my letters and getting the office swept and a good fire made and abundance of candles lighted, I home, where most of my company come of this end of the town - Mercer and her sister - Mr. Batelier and Pembleton - (my Ladies Pen, and Pegg, and Mr. Lowder; but did not stay long, and I believe it was by Sir W. Pen’s order, for they had a great mind to have stayed) and also Captain Rolt; and anon, at about 7 or 8 a-clock comes Mr. Harris, of the Duke’s playhouse, and brings Mrs. Pierce with him, and also one dressed like a country-maid, with a straw hatt on, which, at first I could not tell who it was, though I expected Knipp - but it was she, coming off the stage just as she acted this day in The Goblins - a merry jade. Now my house is full, and four fiddlers that play well. Harris I first took to my closet; and I find him a very curious and understanding person in all, pictures and other things - and a man of fine conversation. And so is Rolt. So away with all my company down to the office, and there fell to dancing and continued at it an hour or two - there coming Mrs. Anne Jones, a merchant’s daughter hard by, who dances well. And all in mighty good humour; and danced with great pleasure, and then sung, and then danced, and then sung many things of three voices, both Harris and Rolt singing their parts excellently. Among other things, Harris sung his Irish song, the strangest in itself and the prettiest sung by him, that ever I heard. Then to supper in the office, a cold good supper and wondrous merry. Here was Mrs. Turner also; but the poor woman, sad about her lodgings - and Mrs. Markham. After supper to dancing again and singing, and so continued till almost 3 in the morning, and then with extraordinary pleasure broke up; only, towards morning Knipp fell a little ill, and so my wife home with her to put her to bed, and we continued dancing - and singing; and among other things, our Mercer unexpectedly did happen to sing an Italian song I knew not, of which they two sung the other two parts too, that did almost ravish me and made me in love with her more than ever with her singing. As late as it was, yet Rolt and Harris would go home tonight, and walked it, though I had a bed for them; and it proved dark, and a misly night - and very windy. The company being all gone to their homes, I up with Mrs. Pierce to Knipp, who was in bed; and we waked her and there I handled her breasts and did baiser la, and sing a song, lying by her on the bed; and then left my wife to see Mrs. Pierce in bed with her in our best chamber, and so to bed myself - my mind mightily satisfied with all this evening’s work, and thinking it to be one of the merriest enjoyments I must look for in the world, and did content myself therefore with the thoughts of it, and so to bed. Only the Musique did not please me, they not being contented with less than 30s.
Sat all the morning - where among other things, I did the first unkind thing that ever I did design to Sir W. Warren. But I did it now to some purpose, to make him sensible how little any friendship shall avail him if he wants mine. I perceive he do nowadays court much my Lord Brouncker’s favour, who never did any man much courtesy at the Board, nor ever will be able - at least, so much as myself. Besides, my Lord would do him a kindness in concurrence with me; but he would have the danger of the thing to be done lie upon me, if there be any danger in it (in drawing up a letter to Sir W. Warren’s advantage); which I do not like, nor will endure. I was, I confess, very angry, and will venture the loss of Sir W. Warren’s kindnesses rather then he shall have any man’s friendship in greater esteem than mine.
I thence to Sir Ph. Warwicke, by appointment, to meet Lord Bellasses; and up to his chamber, but find him unwilling to discourse of business on Sundays; so did not enlarge, but took leave and went down and sat in a low room, reading Erasmus de scribendis Epistolis, a very good book; especially, one letter of advice to a Courtier most true and good - which made me once resolve to tear out the two leaves that it was writ in - but I forebore it.
He had a desire and I showed him my Lady Castlemayne, whom he approves to be very handsome, and wonders that she cannot be as good within as she is fair without. Her little black* boy came by him; and, a dog being in his way, the little boy called to the dog: “Pox of this dog!” “Now,” says he, blessing himself, “would I whip this child till the blood came if it were my child!” - and I believe he would.
*BLACK (adj.): brunette, dark in hair or complexion
Lay long with pleasure with my wife; and then up and to the office, where all the morning; and then home to dinner, and before dinner I went into my green dining room; and there talking with my brother upon matters relating to his Journey to Brampton tomorrow and giving him good counsel about spending that time which he shall stay in the country with my father, I looking another way, heard him fall down, and turned my head and he was fallen down all along upon the ground, dead - which did put me into a great fright; and to see my brotherly love, I did presently lift him up from the ground, he being as pale as death. And being upon his legs, he did presently come to himself, and said he had something come into his stomach very hot; he knew not what it was, nor ever had such a fit before. I never was so frighted but once, when my wife was ill at Ware upon the road. And I did continue trembling a good while and ready to weep to see him, he continuing mighty pale all dinner, and melancholy, that I was loth to let him take his journey tomorrow. But begun to be pretty well; and after dinner my wife and Barker fell to singing, which pleased me pretty well, my wife taking mighty pains and pride that she shall come to trill; and endeed, I think she will. So to the office and there all the afternoon late doing business; and then home and find my brother pretty well.
At dinner we talked much of Cromwell, all saying he was a brave fellow and did owe his Crowne he got to himself as much as any man that ever got one.
Lord’s day. Up and with my wife to church, where Mr. Mills made an unnecessary sermon upon Original Sin, neither understood by himself nor the people.
We had much talk of all our old acquaintance of the College, concerning their various fortunes; wherein, to my joy, I met not with any that have sped better than myself.
I home by water, calling at Michell’s and giving him a fair occasion to send his wife to the New Exchange to meet my wife and me this afternoon. So home to dinner... ...set me down at the New Exchange, where I stayed at Pottle’s shop till B. Michell came, which she did about 5 a-clock, and was surprised not to trover mi moher there. But I did make an excuse good enough, and so I took ella down and over the way to the cabinet-makers, and there bought a dressing-box for her for 20s, but would require an hour’s time to make fit. This I was glad of, thinking to have got ella to andar to a casa de biber; but ella would not, so I did not much press it but suffered ella to andar a la casa de uno de sos hermanos, and I passed my time walking up and down; and among other places, to one Drumbelby, a maker of flageletts. He not within. My design to bespeak a pair of flagelettes of the same tune. Ordered him to come to me in a day or two, and so I back to the Cabinet-makers and there stayed; and by and by Betty comes, and here we stayed in the shop and above, seeing the workmen work; which was pretty, and some exceeding good work and very pleasant to see them do it - till it was late, quite dark. And the mistress of the shop took us into the kitchen and there talked and used us very prettily; and took her for my wife, which I owned and her big belly; and there very merry till my thing done, and then took coach and home, in my way tomando su mano and putting it where I used to do; which ella did suffer, but not avec tant de freedom as heretofore, I perceiving plainly she had alguns apprehensions de me, but I did offer natha more then what I had often done. But now comes our trouble; I did begin to fear that su marido might go to my house to enquire por ella, and there, trovando mi moher at home, would not only think himself, but give my femme occasion to think strange things. This did trouble me mightily, so though ella would not seem to have me trouble myself about it, yet did agree to the stopping the coach at the street’s end; and yo allais con ella home and there presently hear by him that he had newly sent su maid to my house to see for her mistress. This doth much perplex me, and I did go presently home (Betty whispering me behind the tergo de her mari, that if I would say that we did come home by water, ella could make up la cosa well satis). And there in a sweat did walk in the entry antes my door, thinking what I should say a my femme; and as God would have it, while I was in this case (the worst in reference a my femme that ever I was in in my life), a little woman comes stumbling to the entry-steps in the dark; whom asking whom she was, she enquired for my house; so knowing her voice and telling her su donna is come home, she went away. But Lord, in what a trouble was I, when she was gone, to recollect whether this was not the second time of her coming; but at last concluding that she had not been here before, I did bless myself in my good fortune in getting home before her, and do verily believe she had loitered some time by the way, which was my great good fortune; and so I in a-door and there find all well.
Discourse most about plays and the opera; where, among other vanities, Captain Cooke had the arrogance to say that he was fain to direct Sir W. Davenant in the breaking of his verses into such and such lengths, according as would be fit for musick, and how he used to swear at Davenant and command him that way when W. Davenant would be angry, and find fault with this or that note; but a vain coxcomb I perceive he is, though he sings and composes so well. But what I wondered at, Dr. Clerke did say that Sir W. Davenant is no good judge of a dramatic poem, finding fault with his choice of Henery the 5th, and others for the stage, when I do think and he confesses the Siege of Rhodes as good as ever was writ. After dinner, Captain Cooke and two of his boys to sing; but it was endeed, both in performance and composition, most plainly below what I heard last night, which I could not have believed. Besides, overlooking the words when he sung, I find them not at all humourd as they ought to be, and as I believed he had done all he had set - though he himself doth indeed sing in a manner, as to voice and manner, the best I ever heard yet; and a strange mastery he hath in making of extraordinary surprizing closes, that are mighty pretty; but his bragging that he do understand tones and sounds as well as any man in the world, and better than Sir W. Davenant or any body else, I do not like by no means; but was sick of it and of him for it.
A foul evening this was tonight, and mightily troubled to get a coach home; and, which is now my common practice, going over the ruins in the night, I rid with my sword drawn in the Coach.
Here came Mr. Hooke, Sir George Ent, Dr. Wren, and many others; and by and by the music, that is to say, Seignor Vincentio, who is the maister Composer, and six more, whereof two Eunuches (so tall, that Sir T. Harvey said well that he believes they do grow large by being gelt as our oxen do) and one woman, very well dressed and handsome enough, but would not be kissed, as Mr. Killigrew, who brought the company in, did acquaint us. They sent two Harpsicons before; and by and by, after tuning them, they begun; and, I confess, very good music they made; that is, the composition exceeding good, but yet not at all more pleasing to me than what I have heard in English by Mrs. Knipp, Captain Cooke, and others. Nor do I dote on the Eunuches; they sing endeed pretty high and have a mellow kind of sound, but yet I have been as well satisfied with several women’s voices, and men also, as Crispe of the Wardrobe. The woman sung well, but that which distinguishes all is this: that in singing, the words are to be considered and how they are fitted with notes, and then the common accent of the country is to be known and understood by the hearer, or he will never be a good judge of the vocal music of another country.
One wonder I observed today: that there was no Musique in the morning to call up our new-married people; which is very mean methinks, and is as if they had married like dog and bitch.
...I to Westminster to the Swan, and there stayed till Michell and his wife came. Old Michell and his wife come to see me, and there we drank and laughed a little; and then the young ones and I took boat, it being fine moonshine. I did to my trouble see all the way that ella did get as close a su marido as ella could, and turn her manos away quando yo did endeavour to take one. De los - so that I had no pleasure at all con ella ce night. When we landed I did take occasion to send him back a the bateau while I did get un baiser or two, and would have taken la by la hand; but ella did turn away, and quando I said “Shall I not tocar te?” answered “Yo no love touching”, in a slight modo. I seemed not to take notice of it, but parted kindly et su marido did andar with me almost a mi casa. And there we parted; and so I home, troubled at this; but I think I shall make good use of it and mind my business more.